讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)如何寫(xiě)出“點(diǎn)睛”結(jié)尾

郭娟

讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)要求學(xué)生閱讀一篇350詞以?xún)?nèi)的英語(yǔ)材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容、所給段落開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)將其續(xù)寫(xiě)成一篇完整的短文（150詞左右）。新高考全國(guó)卷I，2021、2022連續(xù)兩年的讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)真題都是記敘文。相比其它體裁，記敘文的話題更貼近學(xué)生的生活、符合學(xué)生的認(rèn)識(shí)水平，有開(kāi)端、發(fā)展、高潮等一波三折的情節(jié)內(nèi)容，語(yǔ)言難度適中，非常適合用于讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)。記敘文以講述人物的經(jīng)歷或事件的發(fā)展變化過(guò)程為主，以表達(dá)一個(gè)哲理、說(shuō)明一個(gè)觀點(diǎn)、弘揚(yáng)一種美德或表達(dá)自己的情感為目的。因此，記敘文總會(huì)有一個(gè)意味深長(zhǎng)的結(jié)尾，讓讀者去體會(huì)和感悟。筆者在高三寫(xiě)作教學(xué)中發(fā)現(xiàn)，考生由于受母語(yǔ)正遷移的影響，在續(xù)寫(xiě)時(shí)習(xí)慣于在結(jié)尾處進(jìn)行點(diǎn)題和升華，但往往會(huì)出現(xiàn)點(diǎn)題不到位、不準(zhǔn)確甚至偏題的現(xiàn)象，如何給讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)一個(gè)合理的結(jié)尾呢？筆者在分析考生點(diǎn)題不當(dāng)或偏題的原因的基礎(chǔ)上，結(jié)合記敘文這一文體特征，以2022年高考續(xù)寫(xiě)真題為素材，總結(jié)出以下策略方法，以期助力備考。

一、 理情節(jié)

要使讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)有一個(gè)合理的結(jié)尾，首先要理清故事發(fā)展的情節(jié)。理情節(jié)有很多種方法，可以用“5要素”（即setting、character、plot 、conflict和theme）分析法，可以用5W1H（即who、when、where、what、why和how）法，可以用故事山（即exposition、rising action、 climax、falling action和resolution）法等解構(gòu)故事情節(jié)，但是考生考場(chǎng)時(shí)間緊迫，分配給讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的時(shí)間更加緊迫，于是通常會(huì)把文章看一遍，就開(kāi)始構(gòu)思續(xù)寫(xiě)段落并著手寫(xiě)作，于是按照總結(jié)段落大意的方式來(lái)提取故事發(fā)展的關(guān)鍵信息、理清情節(jié)可能更符合考生考場(chǎng)實(shí)際。比如2022年新高考全國(guó)I卷中的所給續(xù)寫(xiě)材料共6段，考生基本讀一或兩遍就可以總結(jié)出每個(gè)段落的大意，續(xù)寫(xiě)材料及段意如下：

It was the day of the big cross-country run. Students from seven different primary schools in and around the small town were warming up and walking the route（路線）through thick evergreen forest．

I looked around and finally spotted David， who was standing by himself off to the side by a fence. He was small for ten years old. His usual big toothy smile was absent today. I walked over and asked him why he wasn' with the other children. He hesitated and then said he had decided not to run.

What was wrong？ He had worked so hard for this event！

I quickly searched the crowd for the school's coach and asked him what had happened. “I was afraid that kids from other schools would laugh at him，” he explained uncomfortably. “I gave him the choice to run or not， and let him decide.”

I bit back my frustration（懊惱）. I knew the coach meant well—he thought he was doing the right thing. After making sure that David could run if he wanted， I turned to find him coming towards me， his small body rocking from side to side as he swung his feet forward.

David had a brain disease which prevented him from walking or running like other children， but at school his classmates thought of him as a regular kid. He always participated to the best of his ability in whatever they were doing. That was why none of the children thought it unusual that David had decided to join the cross-country team. It just took him longer—that's all. David had not missed a single practice， and although he always finished his run long after the other children， he did always finish. As a special education teacher at the school， I was familiar with the challenges David faced and was proud of his strong determination.

Para1： Students from seven different primary schools were preparing to participate in the big cross-country run.

Para2： David， with his usual big toothy smile absent， decided not to run．

Para3： He trained hard before the run．

Para4：The school's coach was afraid that kids from other schools would laugh at him．

Para5： I found David coming towards me．

Para6： David couldn't walk or run like other children but was very positive and had a strong determination.

考生根據(jù)段落順序獲取故事發(fā)展的關(guān)鍵情節(jié)后，再根據(jù)已給的兩個(gè)段首句：We sat down together on some steps， but David wouldn't look at me；I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners，很容易推斷出，續(xù)寫(xiě)第一段主要寫(xiě)作者成功說(shuō)服David參加比賽的過(guò)程，第二段主要寫(xiě)David成功完成比賽的過(guò)程。

考生理清故事情節(jié)后，才能知道故事的沖突，進(jìn)而構(gòu)建合理的續(xù)寫(xiě)結(jié)尾。若是沒(méi)有抓住故事發(fā)展的關(guān)鍵環(huán)節(jié)，在結(jié)尾時(shí)很容易點(diǎn)題不當(dāng)甚至偏題，以下是一位考生的續(xù)寫(xiě)結(jié)尾。

I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners. Sparing no effort to win， each competitor began to run when the gun sounded. David could hardly keep up with them at first. As time went by， David fell far behind others. However， with strong determination and persistence， David kept on running. Ultimately， he reached the finish line. All of the people around cheered with excitement， giving him big applause. It was not until then that David realized he could finish the things as normal people did.

該考生的結(jié)尾句（劃線部分）認(rèn)為David在完成比賽后才意識(shí)到自己能像正常孩子一樣完成一些事情，這和原文信息不符。所給材料的最后一段已經(jīng)很清楚交代David積極樂(lè)觀、有決心毅力并能像正常孩子一樣完成一些任務(wù)，只是慢一點(diǎn)而已，所以該考生因?yàn)闆](méi)有理清故事關(guān)鍵情節(jié)信息而導(dǎo)致續(xù)寫(xiě)結(jié)尾有些偏題。

二、 明主題

理清故事情節(jié)后，考生需要弄清楚故事的寓意，作者想通過(guò)這個(gè)故事向讀者傳遞什么樣的感情、觀點(diǎn)或揭示什么樣的人生哲理，即作者的寫(xiě)作意圖。只有抓住文章的主題意義，明白作者的寫(xiě)作目的，在續(xù)寫(xiě)結(jié)尾才能進(jìn)行準(zhǔn)確點(diǎn)題或升華。若是對(duì)文章主題把握不當(dāng)，結(jié)尾也很容易偏題，以下是一位考生的續(xù)寫(xiě)結(jié)尾。

I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners. As expected， the big cross-country run began. There was no doubt that David spared no effort to run despite he was unable to run like other children completely. Falling far behind others， he never gave up and showed great strength. What impressed me most was that the audience cheered for him and gave him thunderous applause. Ultimately， David approached the final line successfully. So it was important that you shouldn't care for others' eyes on you too much．

該考生認(rèn)為作者通過(guò)這個(gè)故事是想告訴這樣一個(gè)道理：不要太在意他人的眼光。顯然，這并不是作者的寫(xiě)作意圖，本文是一個(gè)身殘志堅(jiān)的男孩David成功完成比賽的故事，贊揚(yáng)了David的積極樂(lè)觀以及堅(jiān)持不懈的精神。由此可見(jiàn)，若是不能抓住文章的主旨，深刻理解作者的意圖，很容易見(jiàn)木不見(jiàn)林，導(dǎo)致續(xù)寫(xiě)結(jié)尾不合理。再如：

I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners. He looked back at me and I responded with a bright smile. With the cheers of everyone present， the competition began. At first， students from other schools whispered and pointed at him. But as time went by， they were overcome by his tough spirit. David finally finished the running， gasping for breath. Despite being the last one to reach the finish line， he still earned himself admiration and thunderous applause. Everyone is like a flower， some having fragrance， but some not. As long as you bloom， there will be bees and butterflies．

該考生把文章的主題定為：“你若盛開(kāi)，蝴蝶自來(lái)?！焙妥髡叩膶?xiě)作意圖也不相符，而Daid本身就是一個(gè)積極向上、身殘志堅(jiān)的人，所以這樣的結(jié)尾并不能體現(xiàn)故事的寓意、彰顯文章傳遞的正能量。

三、 抓邏輯

記敘文的情節(jié)一波三折，邏輯性特別強(qiáng)，也是續(xù)寫(xiě)的重要著眼點(diǎn)，而這也恰恰是考生很容忽略的地方。續(xù)寫(xiě)段落的邏輯不能僅僅是考生從自己的生活、自己的人生經(jīng)驗(yàn)或常識(shí)中得出的體現(xiàn)考生個(gè)性化的邏輯，更重要的是符合原文的邏輯、符合原文作者的邏輯。考場(chǎng)上由于時(shí)間緊迫，考生往往會(huì)根據(jù)自己的經(jīng)驗(yàn)常識(shí)構(gòu)建續(xù)寫(xiě)結(jié)尾，會(huì)想到哪里寫(xiě)到哪里而忽略原文自身的邏輯，因此結(jié)尾易偏題，如一位考生的續(xù)寫(xiě)結(jié)尾如下：

I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners. When the gun sounded， a lot of runners ran like wind. David struggled， with his small body rocking from side to side. Along the way， some kids from other schools noticed David was different， but out of the coach expectation， they didn't laugh at him but clapped to encourage him. As other runners reached the finish line one by one， I was waiting there， feeling so anxious about whether David could finish the task. After what seemed a century， a small figure finally appeared in the distance. As David crossed the finish line， raising his arms in triumph， the crowd burst out thunderous applause and cheers， including the coach. It was widely acknowledged that our world was full of warmth and kindness rather than rudeness．

該考生之所以得出這樣的結(jié)論：世間充滿(mǎn)溫暖和善良而不是粗魯，是因?yàn)樵摽忌纳弦痪湓挘骸皌he crowd burst out thunderous applause and cheers.”所有觀眾都給David鼓掌喝彩，因此人世間是充滿(mǎn)愛(ài)的，而此因果關(guān)系是考生本人從自己角度出發(fā)得出的邏輯，并不是作者想要傳遞的信息，更不是原文的邏輯，甚至和原文并沒(méi)有很大關(guān)系，因此這樣的結(jié)尾并不妥當(dāng)。

四、 重融合

讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)中的“融合度”是非常重要的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。所謂“融合度”是指考生的續(xù)寫(xiě)段落在內(nèi)容和語(yǔ)言上和原文保持一致的程度。融合度高的文章往往就得分較高，反之亦然?？忌诶m(xù)寫(xiě)結(jié)尾的時(shí)候，要再次回看原文，體會(huì)和感悟作者的語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格以及主題意義，作者往往會(huì)把寫(xiě)作主題直接在標(biāo)題、首段、中間段或尾段中顯現(xiàn)出來(lái)，或者若隱若現(xiàn)地出現(xiàn)在所給材料的字里行間，因此考生在續(xù)寫(xiě)結(jié)尾的時(shí)候要再次認(rèn)真研讀原文，捕捉主旨以及作者的語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格，構(gòu)建融合度高的結(jié)尾，寫(xiě)好最后的點(diǎn)睛之筆，如一位考生的續(xù)寫(xiě)結(jié)尾如下：

I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners. When the race began， all the participants dashed out like an arrow. David went his great length to run ahead with his body rocking from side to side. He was still left behind by others in spite of great effort. Soon other participants crossed the finish line one by one while David was running， panting and sweating but didn't give up. Crossing the finish line， David was greeted with a storm of applause. Tired and worn out as he was， his usual big toothy smile showed up again. Never before had I been so proud of him．

該考生的結(jié)尾融合度非常高，不僅內(nèi)容主題上與原文一致而且語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格也基本一致。該考生捕捉到了原文中對(duì)David的表情描寫(xiě)：“His usual big toothy smile was absent today.”此句表明了一向積極樂(lè)觀的主人公David遇到了困難，因此通常的露齒笑消失了。那么問(wèn)題解決了嗎？該考生在續(xù)寫(xiě)結(jié)尾的時(shí)候用“his usual big toothy smile showed up again”，進(jìn)行了恰當(dāng)?shù)幕貞?yīng)，微笑的再現(xiàn)表明David的難題得以解決。這樣的結(jié)尾體現(xiàn)了故事沖突解決的結(jié)果，在語(yǔ)言和內(nèi)容上和原文保持高度的一致，乃考場(chǎng)佳作！

總之，為了能夠給讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)一個(gè)合理的結(jié)尾，考生需要理情節(jié)、明主題、抓邏輯、重融合，無(wú)論哪個(gè)環(huán)節(jié)沒(méi)有到位，都很容易出現(xiàn)點(diǎn)題不準(zhǔn)確或偏題現(xiàn)象。理情節(jié)是合理結(jié)尾的基本保障，明主題是合理結(jié)尾的靈魂升華，抓邏輯是合理結(jié)尾的必備條件，重融合是合理結(jié)尾的重要前提。

【本文系“中小學(xué)英語(yǔ)教學(xué)研究專(zhuān)項(xiàng)課題：基于深度閱讀的高中英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)作任務(wù)活動(dòng)的設(shè)計(jì)與實(shí)施研究（批準(zhǔn)號(hào)：GDJY-2022-A-yyb84）以及廣東省教育科學(xué)研究項(xiàng)目重點(diǎn)課題：高中英語(yǔ)閱讀教學(xué)中學(xué)科能力培養(yǎng)的行動(dòng)研究（批準(zhǔn)號(hào)：2023ZQJK119）”系列部分研究成果】

責(zé)任編輯吳昊雷