俏皮話集錦

賀韜

1. Why do people say “no offense” right before theyre about to offend1 you？

為什么人們?cè)诿胺竸e人前都要先說(shuō)一句“無(wú)意冒犯”？

2. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner2 peace is to finish what I start. So far

Ive finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

我的理療師告訴我，要想達(dá)到真正的內(nèi)心的平和，就需要把未完成的事情都解決掉。所

以我就解決掉了兩袋M&M巧克力豆和一個(gè)巧克力蛋糕，現(xiàn)在感覺(jué)好多了。

3. Always borrow money from a pessimist3. He wont expect it back.

要借錢(qián)就向悲觀主義者借吧，因?yàn)樗麄儾恢竿銜?huì)還。

4. Nothing is more terrible than that moment during an argument when you realize youre

wrong.

沒(méi)有什么比正在爭(zhēng)論時(shí)突然發(fā)現(xiàn)自己是錯(cuò)的感覺(jué)更糟糕了。

5. By all means， marry. If you get a good wife， youll become happy； if you get a bad one，

youll become a philosopher4.

無(wú)論如何，婚還是要結(jié)的。如果你找到個(gè)好妻子，你會(huì)生活得很快樂(lè)；如果找到個(gè)不好

的，你會(huì)成為一個(gè)哲學(xué)家。

6. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful

woman is one who can find such a man.

一個(gè)成功的男人就是賺的錢(qián)要比老婆花的錢(qián)多；而一個(gè)成功的女人就是找到這樣一個(gè)

男人。

7. If you steal from one author， its plagiarism； if you steal from many， its research.

抄襲一個(gè)作家，那是剽竊；抄襲很多個(gè)作家，那是研究。

8. If you think nobody cares if youre alive， try missing a couple of car payments5.

如果你覺(jué)得根本沒(méi)人在乎你的死活，可以試一試幾個(gè)月不還車(chē)貸。

9. I didnt fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian6.

我拼死拼活?yuàn)^斗到食物鏈頂端，可不是為了成為一個(gè)素食者。