嫉妒的解藥

楊瑞

If I had a choice when it comes to vice， Id pick any of the seven classics1） save the vice of envy. At least the other six have a connection to goodness， at least some of the time. Just think of the delicious indulgence of a lazy weekend or surrender to a decadent dessert； the satisfaction of a lustful fantasy or the thrill of pride. Even a passionate fight has something good to recommend it. But to my mind， envy is the deadliest2） of the seven deadlies， and in a category all its own. Envy turns us against ourselves and others. It disturbs peace of mind， fueling shame and guilt. At its root， envy is felt to be so fundamentally bad because it highlights what is lacking and hates goodness itself.

Consciously， envy is so painful because it is based in a feeling of deprivation. We look at our neighbors and long for what they have， imagining their lives to be so much more beautiful， happy， and satisfying than our own. While an age-old phantom， Shakespeares green-eyed monster3） has been unleashed on steroids in our modern culture. Capitalism has cleverly engineered longing and desire， says Eve Ensler4）， tantalizing5） us with offers of what we might have or who we might become in the future rather than embracing the good of what we have and are today. It is no surprise， then， that envy leaves a trail of depression， anxiety， low self-esteem， poor body image， and perfectionism.

At root， envy spoils our sense of goodness about ourselves. We feel inadequate. We feel small. We feel unworthy. For women judging ourselves by the ideals of modern society， we find ourselves longing for a better figure， a nicer house， a more appealing partner， more money， more professional success， more talented children， and the list goes on. To make matters worse， under the sway of6） envy， we feel surrounded by those who seem to have it all and the happiness that we imagine goes with it. Faced with the pressure of such comparisons， what are we to do？

To be honest， most of us take the easy way out： We try to feel better about ourselves by spoiling the good in others. I think this is the real reason why envy is felt to be so deadly. It is one thing to long for what we do not have， but it is something far worse to attack the goodness in others. This dark underbelly7） of envy is the source of gossip， pettiness， complaining， and all manner of mean-girl maneuvers8）. The quick and easy way out of the pain of envy is to attack what is good even if it means ruining it for everyone.

Tearing down is so much easier than building up. It takes years for a business to build a good reputation and one bad Yelp9） review to tarnish it. Building a house takes grit， perseverance， resources and time. A single match can destroy it in a matter of minutes. The same is true for people. A rumor can ruin a career or a marriage； an unflattering photo on Facebook， someones good name. Negativity is very powerful， and envious attacks make swift work.

But， of course， no one wins with this way of managing envy. No one feels good； nothing constructive is accomplished， and the vicious cycle of deprivation turning to spite10） keeps going round and round. The antidote to envy can only be found in playing the long game： You must grow yourself by building on the good you already have.

Here， I share a story told about the world-famous violinist， Itzhak Perlman11）. Stricken with polio as a child， Perlman wears braces on both legs and walks with two crutches12）. At a concert， he tenaciously13） made his stage entrance without any assistance. The audience sat in awe and sympathy， watching him painfully enter and then cross the stage to his chair. One had the sense that the man had overcome enormous odds.

That night like all other concert nights， Perlman tucked his violin under his chin and nodded at the conductor to begin. As he got into the piece one of the strings of his violin broke. It was a snap so obvious that it couldnt be missed. Everyone thought that， surely， the momentum14） of the piece would be ruined， as he would have to stop to replace the string or borrow another violin， no easy task for even an able bodied man.

After stopping the orchestra， the conductor looked over to see what Perlman wished to do. To everyones surprise， Perlman raised a single finger to the conductor， a sign to wait just a moment. He closed his eyes， clearly gathering his thoughts. Then he opened them， looked at the conductor， and signaled him to go on. The orchestra took the conductors cue， and off they went again as if they hadnt missed a beat. Only now， Perlman was playing on three strings.

One can imagine him working his way through the music around the missing string， compensating， adjusting， and improvising15）. It couldnt have been the same piece， of course. But it was brilliant， passionate， and beautiful.

A local newspaper reported that when Perlman finished playing， the audience sat in stunned silence before leaping to their feet with an extraordinary outburst of applause. It was also reported that after the audience quieted down， Perlman wiped the sweat from his brow and said， “You know， sometimes it is the artists task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left.”

I dont know whether or not this story actually happened， but I know that， in the psychological sense， it is true. The truth of the story is that Itzhak Perlman is showing us more than his attitude toward music； he is showing us his attitude toward life. He knows the undeniable truth that no matter how hard he may work， he will never have it all. There will always be something missing—whether it is a string on the violin or the ability to walk with ease. But just as there always will be something missing， there always will be something left. Perlman decided to take the attitude that what is left is good and it is enough.

Like a parable， this story can have a big impact if we have eyes to see and ears to hear. We will all face adversities in life of one kind or another， some big and some small. And we all know what it means to be lacking something， because that is the human condition. Envy tells us that someone， somewhere has it all—but it just isnt true. It is everyones challenge in life to do something with whatever they have， and the best way to do that is to see the good， be thankful for it， and do something useful with it.

培根曾在《論嫉妒》中談到“無(wú)德之人常嫉他人之有德；多事好問(wèn)之人每善嫉；族中人對(duì)新進(jìn)之人當(dāng)其騰達(dá)之時(shí)常露嫉妒之情；殘疾人、宦官、老人與私生子均善妒……”很多時(shí)候，善妒之人是那些喜歡與別人比較，認(rèn)為別人擁有一切的人。可是，要知道，誰(shuí)的人生都不完美，既然如此我們何不著眼于自己擁有的東西，用它有所成就呢？

說(shuō)到惡行，如果可以選擇，我會(huì)選七宗罪里除嫉妒外的任意一個(gè)。至少其他六宗罪和善還沾得上邊，至少有些時(shí)候是這樣。想想放縱自己美美地度過(guò)一個(gè)慵懶的周末或者向讓人大快朵頤的甜點(diǎn)繳械投降；想想性幻想帶來(lái)的滿(mǎn)足或傲慢帶來(lái)的興奮；甚至充滿(mǎn)激情的打斗也有值得稱(chēng)道的好處。但是在我看來(lái)，嫉妒是七宗罪里最致命的，并且自成一類(lèi)。嫉妒讓我們與自己為敵，與他人為敵。它擾亂了我們內(nèi)心的寧?kù)o，加劇了我們的羞恥和內(nèi)疚。尋根究底，嫉妒被認(rèn)為從根本上就是惡的，因?yàn)樗鼜?qiáng)調(diào)了缺失的東西，對(duì)善本身也心懷恨意。

從意識(shí)層面上來(lái)說(shuō)，嫉妒讓人感到非常痛苦，因?yàn)樗⒃趧儕Z感之上。我們看著街坊鄰居，渴望著他們擁有的東西，想象著他們的生活比我們的要美好、幸福、美滿(mǎn)得多。莎翁筆下的綠眼怪物，那個(gè)古老的幽靈，就像打了興奮劑，已經(jīng)被釋放到了我們現(xiàn)代文明中。伊芙·恩斯勒說(shuō)，資本主義巧妙地策劃了渴望和欲望，它告訴我們，將來(lái)我們或許會(huì)擁有什么，或許會(huì)成為什么樣的人，以此來(lái)逗引我們，而不是讓我們接受當(dāng)下的美好：我們擁有的東西以及當(dāng)下的自己。這樣，嫉妒留下沮喪、焦慮、不自信、身體形象糟糕、追求完美等一系列問(wèn)題，倒也不足為奇。

從根本上來(lái)說(shuō)，嫉妒讓我們感覺(jué)不到自己好的一面。我們感覺(jué)自己能力不足。我們感到自己渺小。我們感到自己沒(méi)有價(jià)值。女性用現(xiàn)代社會(huì)的完美典范來(lái)評(píng)判自己，因此我們發(fā)現(xiàn)自己渴望更曼妙的身材、更精美的房子、更有魅力的伴侶、更多的金錢(qián)、更多專(zhuān)業(yè)上的成就、更有天賦的孩子，還有很多很多。更糟糕的是，受嫉妒的影響，我們感覺(jué)周?chē)娜怂坪鯎碛幸磺幸约拔覀円詾殡S著這一切而來(lái)的快樂(lè)。面對(duì)這些對(duì)比帶來(lái)的壓力，我們要做些什么呢？

說(shuō)句老實(shí)話，我們大多數(shù)人都選擇了容易的辦法：我們?cè)噲D毀掉別人的好以此來(lái)讓自己感覺(jué)好一點(diǎn)。我想嫉妒被認(rèn)為如此致命的真正原因就在于此?？释覀儧](méi)有的東西也就罷了，攻擊別人的好那就惡劣得多。嫉妒的這個(gè)陰暗面成了謠言、卑鄙、抱怨和壞女孩所有花招的源頭。擺脫嫉妒之苦最快、最容易的方法就是抨擊美好的東西，即使這意味著毀掉每個(gè)人的好。

拆毀要比建造簡(jiǎn)單得多。一家公司建立良好的聲譽(yù)需要花費(fèi)很多年， 而毀掉聲譽(yù)只需要Yelp上一條負(fù)面評(píng)論。建造房子需要勇氣、毅力、資源和時(shí)間，但一根小小的火柴在幾分鐘之內(nèi)就可以摧毀它。對(duì)人來(lái)說(shuō)也是如此。一條謠言可以毀掉一份事業(yè)或一段婚姻；Facebook上一張不討喜的照片可以毀掉一個(gè)人的好名聲。消極性的力量非常強(qiáng)大，所以嫉妒的侵襲總是立竿見(jiàn)影。

不過(guò)，當(dāng)然了，用這種方法控制嫉妒，沒(méi)人成為贏家。沒(méi)有人感覺(jué)良好，也沒(méi)有任何建設(shè)性的成就。剝奪感轉(zhuǎn)向傷害，形成惡性循環(huán)，無(wú)休無(wú)止。只有放眼長(zhǎng)遠(yuǎn)，我們才能找到嫉妒的解藥：你必須依賴(lài)自己已有的好，自己成長(zhǎng)。

在這里，我要分享一個(gè)故事，講的是享譽(yù)全球的小提琴家伊扎克·帕爾曼。帕爾曼從小患有骨髓灰質(zhì)炎，雙腿一直帶著支架，拄著兩條拐杖走路。在一場(chǎng)音樂(lè)會(huì)上，他堅(jiān)持不要任何幫助，自己走上舞臺(tái)?？粗D難地走上臺(tái)，之后穿過(guò)舞臺(tái)坐上自己的椅子，坐在臺(tái)下的觀眾充滿(mǎn)敬畏，也心生同情。人們可以感受到這個(gè)人克服了巨大的困難。

和其他所有的音樂(lè)會(huì)之夜一樣，這一晚，帕爾曼把小提琴夾在下巴下，對(duì)著指揮點(diǎn)了點(diǎn)頭，表示可以開(kāi)始了。他剛進(jìn)入一首曲子，小提琴的一根弦就斷了。弦斷的聲音很明顯，所有人都聽(tīng)見(jiàn)了。每個(gè)人都以為這首曲子的氣勢(shì)肯定是毀了，因?yàn)樗仨毻Ｏ聛?lái)?yè)Q弦或借琴，而這甚至對(duì)四肢健全的人來(lái)說(shuō)都不是一件簡(jiǎn)單的事。

指揮讓樂(lè)隊(duì)停下來(lái)，朝帕爾曼看去，看他希望怎么做。讓所有人驚訝的是，帕爾曼朝指揮舉起一根手指，意思是稍等一下。他閉上眼睛，很顯然在整理思緒。之后他睜開(kāi)眼睛，看著指揮，示意他繼續(xù)。樂(lè)隊(duì)得到了指揮的提示，又開(kāi)始演奏起來(lái)，好像他們從沒(méi)錯(cuò)過(guò)一個(gè)節(jié)拍。只是這時(shí)帕爾曼在用三根弦演奏。

可以想象他用斷了弦的小提琴演奏完整段樂(lè)曲，彌補(bǔ)、調(diào)整，還要即興創(chuàng)作。當(dāng)然演奏出來(lái)的曲子不可能和原來(lái)一樣，但卻是精彩的、充滿(mǎn)激情的美妙樂(lè)曲。

一家當(dāng)?shù)氐膱?bào)紙報(bào)道說(shuō)，帕爾曼完成演奏后，臺(tái)下觀眾們非常震驚，一言不發(fā)，而后全體起立，爆發(fā)出雷鳴般的掌聲。據(jù)報(bào)道，觀眾安靜下來(lái)后，帕爾曼擦了擦額頭的汗說(shuō)：“要知道，有時(shí)藝術(shù)家的任務(wù)就是弄清楚用你手中的東西能奏出多少音樂(lè)?！?/p>

我不知道這個(gè)故事是不是真的，但是我知道在心理層面上，這是真的。這個(gè)故事的真實(shí)性體現(xiàn)在伊扎克·帕爾曼向我們展示的不只是他對(duì)音樂(lè)的態(tài)度，更是他對(duì)生活的態(tài)度。他知道這樣一個(gè)不可否認(rèn)的事實(shí)：不管怎么努力，他都不會(huì)擁有一切，生活總會(huì)有所欠缺——不管是小提琴上的那根弦，還是正常行走的能力。但是正如有些東西會(huì)失去，有些東西也會(huì)留下來(lái)。帕爾曼決定采取的態(tài)度是留下來(lái)的就是好的，留下來(lái)的就足夠了。

如果我們的眼睛能夠洞察，耳朵能夠傾聽(tīng)，這個(gè)故事就會(huì)像寓言一樣產(chǎn)生巨大的影響。我們一生中總會(huì)面臨這樣那樣、或大或小的逆境。我們都知道有所欠缺意味著什么，因?yàn)槿松谑烂媾R的就是這種情形。而嫉妒卻告訴我們某些地方的某些人擁有一切——但是這不是真的。用自己擁有的東西有所成就，這是每個(gè)人的人生中都面臨的挑戰(zhàn)，而最好的方法就是看到好的一面，因這好的一面而心存感激，并用它做一些有用的事情。

1. seven classics：指天主教的七宗罪，分別是嫉妒（envy）、怠惰（sloth）、暴食（gluttony）、色欲（lust）、傲慢（pride）、貪婪（greed）和暴怒（wrath）。

2. deadly [?dedli] adj. 致命的

3. green-eyed monster：指嫉妒，源自莎士比亞悲劇《奧賽羅》（Othello）中的一句：“O， beware， my lord， of jealousy！ / It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock. / The meat it feeds on. （噢，大人，小心嫉妒之心！那是一只綠眼的妖魔，它慣于耍弄爪下的獵物。）”

4. Eve Ensler：伊芙·恩斯勒（1953～），美國(guó)劇作家，表演藝術(shù)家，女性主義者和社會(huì)活動(dòng)家

5. tantalize [?t?nt?la?z] vt. （以可望而不可即之物）逗引

6. under the sway of：在……影響下；在……支配之下

7. dark underbelly：陰暗面，不好的一面

8. maneuver [m??nu?v?（r）] n. 花招；巧計(jì)

9. Yelp：美國(guó)最大的商戶(hù)點(diǎn)評(píng)網(wǎng)站

10. spite [spa?t] n. 傷害，怨恨

11. Itzhak Perlman：伊扎克·帕爾曼（1945～），以色列著名小提琴家。帕爾曼四歲因患脊髓灰質(zhì)炎下肢癱瘓，只能坐著演奏，但這并沒(méi)有影響他靈活的雙手創(chuàng)造無(wú)與倫比的音樂(lè)。

12. crutch [kr?t?] n. 拐杖

13. tenaciously [t??ne???sli] adv. 堅(jiān)持地

14. momentum [m???ment?m] n. 勢(shì)頭

15. improvise [??mpr?va?z] vt. 即興創(chuàng)作