如何讓樸素的句子“亮”起來

羅海燕 羅厚健

好句子會讓評卷老師眼前一亮，所以很多中等的學生一直在追求如何讓自己的句子變得高、大、上，以求突破寫作瓶頸。然而，很多學生遇到此類問題時卻苦無良策，捉襟見肘。筆者在這里以2016年高考全國卷？玉卷英語書面表達為例，教你如何讓樸素的句子“亮”起來。

2016年高考全國卷英語書面表達：

假定你是李華，暑假想去一家外貿(mào)公司兼職，已寫好申請書和個人簡歷（resume）。給外教Ms Jenkins寫信，請她幫你修改所附材料的文字和格式（format）。

1. 詞數(shù)100左右；

2. 可以適當增加細節(jié)，以使行文連貫。

一、巧用形容詞

普通句子

Im looking forward to your feedback.

I think I can stand out among the applicants.

Could you please help me to correct the mistakes in my resume？

優(yōu)秀句子

Im looking forward to your timely feedback.

Diligent and persevering， I think I can stand out among the applicants.

Could you please help me to correct the unavoidable mistakes in my resume？

牛刀小試

（1）I would like to convey my gratitude for your selfless devotion.

（2） ， and ， I think I can be qualified for this job.

（3）I am a ， and boy， which makes me adapt to the new job quickly.

參考答案：（1）heartfelt （2）Kind， helpful， cooperative （3）friendly， easy-going， hardworking

二、巧用副詞

普通句子

I will be thankful.

Your attention to this letter will be appreciated.

Therefore， I can put what I had learned into practice.

優(yōu)秀句子

I will be greatly thankful.

Your attention to this letter will be highly appreciated.

Therefore， I can flexibly put what I had learned into practice.

牛刀小試

（4）Your timely feedback to my request will be appreciated.

（5）I am convinced that you are able to complete this work .

（6）But concerning the heated competition， I am worried about it.

參考答案：（4）highly（5）fully， perfectly（6）desperately

三、巧用介詞短語

普通句子

I believe I could get the job successfully.

Ill be more than confident to apply for the job.

優(yōu)秀句子

I believe with your generous help， I could get the job successfully.

With your great help， Ill be more than confident to apply for the job.

牛刀小試

（7）I believe that ，

I would do an excellent job.

（8） ， I would equip myself with confidence and spare no efforts to do it well.

（9）I believe that I would have more chances to work for that company .

參考答案：（7）with your constructive direction （8）With your timely help （9）with the help of you

四、巧用連接詞

普通句子

I can flexibly put what I had learned into practice.

It would be much a great privilege if you could offer me a hand. Anything you could do for me is highly appreciated.

優(yōu)秀句子

Therefore， I can flexibly put what I had learned into practice.

It would be much a great privilege if you could offer me a hand. And anything you could do for me is highly appreciated.

牛刀小試

（10） ， the attached documents and the format do not seem satisfactory to me.

（11）I have already written my application and personal resume， I dont know if I wrote it perfectly.

（12） you are quite familiar with these， I hope you can help me perfect them.

參考答案：（10）However （11）but （12）Since

五、巧用非謂語動詞

普通句子

I am desperately worried about it.

I would be most grateful if you give me timely direction and help and anticipate your reply at your earliest convenience.

優(yōu)秀句子

But concerning the heated competition， I am desperately worried about it.

I would be most grateful if you give me timely direction and help， anticipating your reply at your earliest convenience.

牛刀小試

（13） （take）a part-time job will enable me to gain valuable life experience and work skills， which I think lays a solid foundation for my further study.

（14）Only by （show）an excellent application， can I give the boss a great impression.

（15）I have the intention of （take）a part-time job in a foreign company in summer vacation.

參考答案：（13）Taking （14）showing （15）taking

六、巧用復合句

普通句子

Id appreciate it.

Im well qualified for the job.

I have scheduled to do a part-time job in a foreign company.

優(yōu)秀句子

Id appreciate it if you take my request into deep consideration.

And Im firmly convinced that Im well qualified for the job.

As the summer holiday is approaching， I have scheduled to do a part-time job in a foreign company so as to practice my working and social skills.

牛刀小試

（16）Im terribly sorry for the inconvenience

（限制性定語從句）.

（17）I am a friendly， easy-going and hardworking boy，

（非限制性定語從句）.

（18） （賓語從句）you can help me find out some improper words and correct the format of my resume.

（19）Nothing can delight me so much as being a member of this company， （結(jié)果狀語從句）.

（20）I would really appreciate it

（條件狀語從句）.

參考答案 （16）that it may cause you （17）which makes me adapt to the new job quickly （18）I sincerely hope that （19）so I will appreciate it if you could kindly give me a hand （20）if you could kindly do me this favor.

滿分作文賞析

Dear Ms. Jenkins，

I am Li Hua. I am writing to ask if you could help polish my documents and the format， which are attached to my application form and resume. And here is the further information.

With the aim of gaining some working experience and broadening my horizons， I would like to take a part-time job in a foreign country， and thus have already finished my application form and resume. However， the attached documents and their format do not seem satisfactory to me. Since you are quite familiar with these， I hope you can help me perfect them.

It would be much a great privilege if you could offer me a hand. And anything you could do for me is highly appreciated.

I am looking forward to your reply.

Sincerely yours，

Li Hua

責任編輯 蔣小青