劉嫻
本文以2021年高三期末考試讀后續(xù)寫題目為例,談?wù)勅绾位谖谋静牧习l(fā)散思維,構(gòu)思主題;尋找事實,歸納矛盾,尋求續(xù)寫解決內(nèi)容之道;賞析語言,模仿創(chuàng)新語言形式。以期訓練學生對文本信息的整合能力,邏輯歸納能力以及解決問題的能力,培養(yǎng)讀寫結(jié)合的思維模式。
一、有理有據(jù),構(gòu)思主題
首先,讀后續(xù)寫寫什么?如何才算好的續(xù)寫?
讀后續(xù)寫看是考查想象力和創(chuàng)新能力,實則考查思維品質(zhì)。對于高考讀后續(xù)寫而言,主題契合原文故事,立意積極向上,體現(xiàn)人間真善美,一定是續(xù)寫文章的上品。
1. 通讀文本,尋找主要角色的觀點句
中山市高三期末考試讀后續(xù)寫是一個寓言故事,講述一位農(nóng)民每天挑著兩個水罐從山下的小溪挑水,因為一次不幸摔倒,一只罐子有了裂痕,每次挑水到家后只有半罐。為此,非常內(nèi)疚道歉。農(nóng)民讓它在回家的路上,看看路上美麗的野花,可是罐子還是不理解,仍對自己不能回報農(nóng)民的辛勞而自責不已。
寓言主要角色為農(nóng)民和有裂痕的罐子,從文本材料看,主要角色中只有罐子有一些負面的觀點句。觀點句是文章主題提煉的出發(fā)點,是主題意義的事實依據(jù),續(xù)寫段落能否做到有理有據(jù),立意合情合理,取決于觀點句是否尋求恰當。
如觀點句1“But the poor cracked(有裂縫的)pot was unhappy and ashamed of its imperfection, miserable(痛苦的)that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do”可以提煉出破罐子認為“自己不完美,非常自責內(nèi)疚”。
再看觀點句 2“You do the work carrying me from the stream to the house each day, but because of my disadvantage, you dont get full value from your effort, ”sighed the sad pot. 此句也為觀點句,破罐子強調(diào)由于“自己的缺點,農(nóng)民不能實現(xiàn)全部的勞動價值”。
續(xù)寫應(yīng)從主人公的觀點出發(fā),尋找蛛絲馬跡,為續(xù)寫頌揚人性的積極一面提供事實依據(jù)。
2. 升華主旨,體現(xiàn)真善美,完成末句續(xù)寫
美國心理學家克里斯·彼得森和馬丁·塞利格曼提出,人類普遍存在智慧、節(jié)制、正義、人道、超越、勇氣等六大美德,以及思維力、創(chuàng)造力、自我控制、公平、善良、希望、誠實、欣賞等24項品格。
讀后續(xù)寫高分作文其突出特點就是結(jié)尾主旨升華,即立意高大上。一篇好的續(xù)寫,需要有人文情懷的種子,即使語言平庸一點,也無傷大雅。反之,文章的靈魂是干癟無物的,即使使用再華麗的辭藻包裝,也沒什么可讀性。因此,在構(gòu)思續(xù)寫結(jié)尾句時,可以從主要角色的觀點句出發(fā),發(fā)散思維,升華主旨,體現(xiàn)真善美,展示人類的優(yōu)秀品格。
從觀點句1,我們可以提煉主題“人無完人,不要低估自己的能力,學會欣賞發(fā)現(xiàn)自身的獨特價值”,續(xù)寫末端結(jié)尾句。“Imperfection is human nature. Therefore, never underestimate yourself and learn to recognize your own unique value. Imperfect as you may be, you can grow your own“charming flowers”for this world.”
從觀點句2出發(fā),我們可以從破罐子因自身缺點而自慚形穢出發(fā),轉(zhuǎn)換思維角度,聯(lián)想到“Every coin has two sides. What looks like a disadvantage to some people may otherwise be a great advantage from othersperspectives. Thus, learn to think positively and transform your disadvantage into your own strengths as the cracked pot did.”
二、解讀“矛盾或沖突”,尋求解決
讀后續(xù)寫通常是故事續(xù)寫,故事通常離不開矛盾沖突,否則主要角色太平淡順利則沒有可讀性。一般來說,故事中的矛盾沖突主要包括兩種形式,一是外部沖突,包括人與人、人與周圍環(huán)境的矛盾;二是內(nèi)部沖突,指的是特定環(huán)境下人物自身的矛盾。從內(nèi)容層面上看,由于人們的立場、觀點、思想感情、理想愿望的不同而產(chǎn)生的矛盾斗爭,是人們的主觀與客觀、正確與錯誤、先進與落后等種種矛盾斗爭的反映。而故事性正是在矛盾的產(chǎn)生、發(fā)展和解決中產(chǎn)生的。
1. 解讀故事初始事件,關(guān)注矛盾或沖突的起因
故事的初始事件的功能在于觸發(fā)故事最初的對立或沖突。在閱讀文本材料時,尋找打破各種平衡關(guān)系的事件,定位矛盾沖突產(chǎn)生的基點。
從閱讀材料第三段看,“ For two years this went on, every day the farmer delivering one full and one half-full measures of water to his home. ”破罐子不能為農(nóng)民盛滿一整罐水這一初始事件,是造成破罐子兩年來不開心、自責,最終向農(nóng)民道歉一系列矛盾沖突的初始原因,同時觸發(fā)主要角色農(nóng)民和破罐子作出反應(yīng)和嘗試,推動故事向縱深發(fā)展。
2. 解讀矛盾或沖突發(fā)展,關(guān)注故事發(fā)展的最新狀態(tài)
初始事件必然觸發(fā)矛盾或沖突,引發(fā)故事的發(fā)展,矛盾的激化,出現(xiàn)需要解決的問題,引發(fā)主要角色之間的反應(yīng)。那么,語篇的思維模式呈現(xiàn)“問題—解決型”。
閱讀材料第四段引發(fā)主要角色的矛盾和沖突,“After two years of what it perceived(感知到)to be a bitter failure, the cracked pot spoke to the farmer by the stream one day.‘Im so ashamed of myself, it said.‘I want to apologize to you.”破罐子兩年來自認為是痛苦的失敗,非常自責。讀者可以確定故事的矛盾沖突為人物的內(nèi)部沖突,即人物的主觀認知偏差。
通常,“問題—解決型”的反應(yīng)模式分為三類,連鎖式、螺旋式和漸進式。連鎖式指一種反應(yīng)導致新的問題的產(chǎn)生;螺旋式是指不斷地嘗試反應(yīng)解決同一個問題;漸進式則指每一個反應(yīng)只能解決問題的一部分,剩下問題還需循序解決。通過梳理矛盾或沖突的產(chǎn)生,發(fā)展,及最新狀態(tài),讀者可以更好地預(yù)測、理解記憶故事的具體情節(jié)和敘事脈絡(luò),尋找問題解決的最新狀態(tài)。
農(nóng)民作出的反應(yīng)“Kindly, the farmer told the upset pot, ‘As we return to the house today, please notice the lovely flowers along the way.”
材料末尾故事的最新狀態(tài)“But still, at the end of the path, the faulty pot felt bad because it had again leaked out half its load, and again it apologized to the farmer for its failure. ”
從閱讀材料中看,農(nóng)民嘗試解決破罐子的問題作出反應(yīng),但矛盾在末段仍未解決,破罐子仍然沒有理解路邊美麗的花和自身漏水之間的聯(lián)系。
3. 立足矛盾或沖突,構(gòu)建解決之道
從文章的主要矛盾及敘事脈絡(luò)出發(fā),確定“問題—解決型”的反應(yīng)模式屬于螺旋式發(fā)展,主要角色的內(nèi)部沖突仍然沒有解決。因此,續(xù)寫部分從破罐子主觀認知自身不完美,漏水不能實現(xiàn)價值這一沖突出發(fā),尋求解決問題的方法。
問題的解決方案通??梢詺w納為兩類:一是借助他人、他物;二是自身感悟。借助他人、他物可以是某人鼓勵的話、某人的安慰、某人的善良、愛心、及時幫助等,借助自身可以是自己的努力訓練、勇敢嘗試、靈機一動、冷靜思考等等。
分析要求續(xù)寫的首段第一句和第二段首句可知,破罐子的內(nèi)部沖突是借助農(nóng)民的鼓勵和安慰以及外物“路邊被澆灌的花”而解決的。因此,續(xù)寫首段可以圍繞農(nóng)民的解釋,以獨白或?qū)Π椎姆绞疥愂雎愤吤利惖幕ǘ浜推乒拮勇┧g的聯(lián)系,輔以破罐子的感情變化的細節(jié)描寫,完成矛盾沖突的最終解決?!啊甀t is because of you that the flowers on your side of the path can grow beaufifullythe farmer answered. He added that the cracked pot had its unique value. Thats why the farmer prefer to keep it although it lets water leak out rather than throw it away.”
三、賞析語言,模仿提升
語言理解和產(chǎn)出的結(jié)合越緊密,協(xié)同效應(yīng)越強,越能夠有效地產(chǎn)生“拉平”效應(yīng),即將續(xù)寫者的語言表達水平向原作拉平,從而有效提高續(xù)寫者的語言水平。
在讀后續(xù)寫原文中,豐富地道的表達能為我們提供良好的語言學習素材。我們在感知語言后進行語言的仿寫和創(chuàng)寫,不僅符合我們的認知規(guī)律,而且能夠激發(fā)我們參與學習和體驗語言的興趣,開發(fā)創(chuàng)造性思維。
1. 對話標簽的靈活運用
從提供的續(xù)寫首句來看,續(xù)寫中將會適量運用對話描寫,那么,對話標簽(dialogue tags)的靈活運用,可以避免大段對話的單一呆板印象,同時穿插動作或情緒描寫,讓敘事更生動立體有畫面感。
如原文對話片段:
“Im so ashamed of myself,”it said. ①“I want to apologize to you.”
“But why?”asked the farmer.②
“For the past two years,”said the pot, ③“this crack in my side has let water leak out(漏水)all the way to the house. You do the work carrying me from the stream to the house each day, but because of my disadvantage, you dont get full value from your effort,”sighed the sad pot. ④
對話片段中,對話標簽的位置可以放在引用對話的前、中、后三個位置,對話的關(guān)注點在于“對誰說”“說話的同時在做什么”“如何說的”。在讀后續(xù)寫中,①③略顯平庸,②④既表明了說話對象,有描述了說話的方式,尤其最后一句“signed”讓讀者有畫面感。因此,在進行對話描寫時,可把直接告訴的詞(said, told)換為展示性的詞匯(如yelled, shouted, cried, added, signed, murmured, groaned, whispered等); 或者直接用動作滲透描寫代替對話標簽,增加表現(xiàn)力。
仿寫原文對話:But the farmer said to the pot,“Didnt you notice that the flowers were only on your side of the path?”The cracked pot cried, raising its head,“Really!Is that what I do?” Smiling broadly, the farmer continued,“Every drop of water you contained has its own value. By leaking out of you, it helps irrigate(灌溉)the flowers along the rail which makes them blossom(開花)as well.”
2. 詞匯素材積累運用
原文文本中豐富的詞匯,可以作為我們積累的素材,靈活運用于續(xù)寫中,豐富表達,提升語言運用能力。我們在續(xù)寫中創(chuàng)造性地模仿和使用語言,即模仿閱讀材料中的詞語句型,表達自己創(chuàng)造的內(nèi)容,甚至在遇到障礙時直接參照閱讀材料中使用的詞句,最終達到提升外語運用水平的能力。
如原文內(nèi)容片段:But the poor cracked pot was unhappy and ashamed of its imperfection, miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, the cracked pot spoke to the farmer by the stream one day.
續(xù)寫仿寫運用:From then on, as the sun rose, the cracked pot was ready to water the lovely flowers alongside the rail. It had turned what once perceived as its imperfection into a great advantage to make a difference to the nature.
我們在閱讀原文材料中,多次出現(xiàn)名詞性從句“what it had been made to do”“what it perceived to be a bitter failure”,同時,對于主題類詞匯imperfection和認知行為動詞perceive等非基礎(chǔ)性詞匯,容易引起我們的注意,也是提升文本語言表達層次的高級詞匯。因此,在續(xù)寫中,靈活融合創(chuàng)造內(nèi)容,恰當表達意義,是實現(xiàn)“學相伴用相隨”的最直接的途徑。
3. 自然環(huán)境對情緒的烘托
自然事物如風霜雨雪、日月星辰、花草樹木等環(huán)境描寫,可以渲染氣氛,增強故事的情感基調(diào),感染讀者。有時候也能烘托人物豐富的心理,凸顯人物心理活動,起到畫龍點睛的作用。
原文環(huán)境描寫片段:As they returned up the hill, the old cracked pot noticed the charming wild flowers-the sun glistening(閃光)off their bright faces, the gentle wind bending their heads.
續(xù)寫仿寫運用:Everytime it was watering the flowers bathed in the warm sunlight, it could sense the farmers face lit up as well. And the flowers seemed to murmuring(低聲說)in the bleeze? (微風)again and again.“Thank you.”
通過對溫暖的陽光、輕柔的微風的描寫,讀者可以形象地感知cracked pot內(nèi)心不再自責羞愧,相反,一種釋然、滿足的成就感油然而生。
附原文:
Once upon a time, there is a farmer living in the village with his wife and two sons. Every morning, he got up early to get water from the stream outside the village to his home. He carried the water in two pots that hung on either end of a pole balanced across shoulders.
One day, the farmer fell and the pots fell down to the ground. Luckily, only one of the pots got a crack(裂縫)in it and the other pot was perfect. From then on, the perfect pot always delivered a full portion of water from the stream, while the cracked pot always arrived at the house only half full.
For two years this went on, every day the farmer delivering one full and one half-full measures of water to his home. Naturally the full pot was proud of its service, perfect to the end for which it had been made. But the poor cracked pot was unhappy and ashamed of its imperfection, miserable(痛苦的)that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do
After two years of what it perceived(感知到)to be a bitter failure, the cracked pot spoke to the farmer by the stream one day. “Im so ashamed of myself,”it said.“I want to apologize to you.”
“But why?”asked the farmer.
“For the past two years,”said the pot,“this crack in my side has let water leak out(漏水)all the way to the house. You do the work carrying me from the stream to the house each day, but because of my disadvantage, you dont get full value from your effort,”sighed the sad pot. Kindly, the farmer told the upset pot,“As we return to the house today, please notice the lovely flowers along the way.”
As they returned up the hill, the old cracked pot noticed the charming wild flowers-the sun glistening(閃光)off their bright faces, the gentle wind bending their heads. But still, at the end of the path, the faulty pot felt bad because it had again leaked out half its load, and again it apologized to the farmer for its failure.
注意:
1. 續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150詞左右;
2. 請按如下格式在答題卡的相應(yīng)位置作答。
But the farmer said to the pot,“Didnt you notice that the flowers were only on your side of the path?”
After listening to what the farmer explained, the cracked pot finally understood and felt happy.
責任編輯 蔣小青