全職爸爸又如何？

As a stay-at-home dad， I am the economic equivalent of a zero.

This revelation came to me at my local Costco where， upon checkout， I am often asked to apply for their new cashback credit card. Usually， I politely decline， preferring to leave the crowded store with my bulging shopping cart.

I finally gave in. “Sure， why not？” I said when asked for the umpteenth time.

A kind lady escorted me to Customer Service. We began the application process cheerfully.

“Just a few questions， sir，” the kind lady said， starting with name， address and postal code. She worked down the list toward “occupation” .

“What do you do for a living， sir？”

“Im a stay-at-home dad，” I replied confidently.

She paused， unsure of what to write， and temporarily left the field blank.

“Employer？”

“My wife，” I laughed. The kind lady chuckled.

“Income？”

I do some odd jobs here and there so I told her “about$10，000.”

She looked at me， hesitant again， and queried： “Per month？”

I laughed heartily. “Per year.”

“Ill tell you what， sir. Im gonna write you in as a student with an annual income of $15，000.”

Thats kind of weird， I thought. “Do they give cards to students？” I asked.

“Oh yes， sir. No problems if you fill the form this way.”

“Alright.”

I shrugged and walked away， thanking the kind lady. It didnt hit me at first， but as I was pushing my cart， an indignant voice rose from within. I didnt want to lie about my occupation. Im proud to be a stay-at-home dad. I finally became comfortable telling people what I do， so now， I wont be marginalized！

I went back to the kind lady and said： “Listen， I dont want to lie on my application.”

She said she was only trying to help. If she wrote the truth Id be rejected. I thanked her for her efforts but asked her to tear up my application. “Absolutely， sir，” she said.“Sorry for the trouble.”

I left the store feeling unloved by our Gross Domestic Product. Dont get me wrong， Im not too hung up about this. Stay-at-home moms have faced these types of issues a lot longer than I have. But it can sure feel like a thankless job， sometimes. （Yes， I am comparing the work of stay-athome parents to that of paid positions.） Our work—cooking， cleaning， taking care of the kids—is important.

Why do I feel a bit insecure at times when I declare my status as stay-at-home dad？ Why do I occasionally feel compelled to append： “Im a writer， too”？ Is it not enough to be simply a stay-at-home dad？ Sometimes， the caveman inside me wants to jump out with his big stick and grunt：“Me man！ Me should support family！” Years of cultural conditioning are hard to cast aside.

Then I ponder： What does it really mean to be a man？ I have concluded that it isnt about how much money you make， or how well you can frame a stud wall （though that is a useful skill for anyone）. To me， its more about being true to yourself and to those you love; to be responsible， caring， honest and patient. And it is possible to be more than one thing. Yes， I am a stay-at-home dad. Yes， I am a writer.

As for the economic merits of paying stay-at-home parents， I will leave that debate to the policy makers and special-interest groups. While my work is not counted by the economy， it is acknowledged by those who matter most to me： my family.

By staying at home， I had more time to teach my sons how to ride their bikes. I learned to cook a mean homemade chicken noodle soup. Ive been fortunate enough to attend every school concert or performance my kids have been in. Ive developed a unique bond with my children， one I dont think I would have achieved within the same time frame had I gone back to work.

I am okay with being financially dependent on my wife—we made that decision together. We made a monetary sacrifice. It works for our family， but I dont claim the arrangement is better or worse than anyone elses.

One day， when our kids are a bit older， Ill jump back into the paid work force. When that day comes， Ill miss cutting the crusts off their sandwiches every day， and picking them up at the bus stop. Ill think fondly of the day my youngest son said： “I wanna be a stay-at-home dad and a writer when I grow up.”

And next time Costco asks me if I want to apply for their new cash-back credit card， Ill smile and say： “No thank you. But you could try asking my wife.”

作為一個全職爸爸，我的經(jīng)濟價值等于零。

在我家當?shù)氐暮檬卸嘟Y(jié)賬時，我認識到了這一點。他們經(jīng)常會問我要不要申請他們的新現(xiàn)金支取信用卡。通常，由于更想帶著我那滿滿的購物車離開擁擠的人群，我都會禮貌地拒絕。

我最后還是投降了?！皼]問題，為什么不呢？”當?shù)贜次被問到這個問題時，我這樣回答道。

一位親切的女士把我?guī)У搅丝蛻舴?wù)中心。我們在愉快的氛圍下開始了申請流程。

“問您幾個問題，先生，”親切的女士說道，從姓名，地址以及郵編開始。她接著往下問到了“職業(yè)”。

“您從事什么職業(yè)呢，先生？”

“我是個全職爸爸，”我自信地回答道。

她停了下來，不確定要怎么填，就暫時把那處留空。

“雇主是？”

“我妻子，”我大笑道。親切的女士咯咯地笑了起來。

“收入？”

我有到處做一些零工，所以我跟她說：“1萬美元左右?！?/p>

她再次遲疑地看著我，詢問道：“每月？”

我哈哈大笑：“每年?！?/p>

“請注意，先生。我要把你寫成是個年收入為1萬5千美元的學(xué)生。”

那有點奇怪，我想道?！八麄儠o學(xué)生開卡嗎？”我問道。

“會的，先生。只要你這么填就沒有問題?！?/p>

“好吧?！?/p>

我邊聳肩離開邊向那位女士表示感謝。剛開始，我并不覺得那有什么，但當我推著購物車的時候，我的內(nèi)心響起了一個憤怒的聲音。我不想就我的職業(yè)撒謊。我對自己是一名全職爸爸感到自豪。我總算能自在地跟別人說起自己是做什么的了，所以現(xiàn)在，我不要被邊緣化。

我掉頭回去找那位親切的女士，對她說：“聽著，我不想就我的職業(yè)撒謊?！?/p>

她說她只是想幫忙。如果她照實寫的話，我會被拒絕的。我對她的努力表示了感謝，但同時要求她銷毀我的申請?！爱斎粵]問題，先生。”她說道。“抱歉給您造成了麻煩。”

我離開了商店，感覺自己是個被國內(nèi)生產(chǎn)總值唾棄的人。不要誤會，我并不對此十分介懷。比起我，全職媽媽很久以前就開始遇到這些問題。但能肯定的是，有時候，這真是一份吃力不討好的工作。（沒錯，我是在把全職父母的工作與有報酬的工作相比較。）我們的工作——煮飯、打掃、照顧孩子——是很重要的。

為什么有時候當我說自己是個全職爸爸時，我會感到有點不自信呢？為什么我有時會不由得加上一句：“我也是個作家”呢？難道僅僅做一個全職爸爸是不夠的嗎？有時候，我心里的那個野人想要提著他的大棍子跳出來，大聲嚷嚷：“我是個男人！我應(yīng)該要養(yǎng)家糊口！”長年的社會文化熏陶是很難去除的。

然后我想：一個男人的真正含義是什么？我得出的結(jié)論是：這并不在于你賺多少錢，也不在于你能把立柱墻架得有多么好（盡管這是個對任何人來說都很實用的技能）。對我而言，更重要的是要真實地面對自己以及自己所愛的人。要有責(zé)任感、體貼、誠實和有耐心。此外，身兼多職也是可行的。沒錯，我是個全職爸爸。沒錯，我是個作家。

至于給全職父母支付薪酬的經(jīng)濟價值何在，我還是把這個問題留給政策制定人和特殊群體利益代表小組去爭論吧。雖然我的工作無法用經(jīng)濟價值來衡量，但卻受到我最重要的人的認可：我的家人。

留在家里，我有了更多的時間教兒子騎單車。我學(xué)會了做好吃的家常雞肉面湯。我兒子參加的每一場學(xué)校音樂會和表演，我都有幸到場。我和孩子們培養(yǎng)出了一份獨一無二的感情，如果我回去工作了，我不認為自己能在同樣的時間內(nèi)做到這一點。

我可以接受在經(jīng)濟上依靠我妻子——我們共同作出了這個決定。我們作出了金錢上的犧牲。這在我家行得通，但我不會因此就說這個決定比其他人的要好或差。

總有一天，當我們孩子長大一點的時候，我會重新參加有薪酬的工作。當那天來臨時，我會想念每天切掉他們的三文治硬皮，到公交站接他們的那些日子的。我會愉快地想起我小兒子那天說出的那番話：“我長大后想當一個全職爸爸和作家?！?/p>

當下次好市多再問我要不要申請他們的新現(xiàn)金支取信用卡時，我會笑著說：“不了，謝謝。但你可以問問我妻子。”