大學(xué)你好，媽媽再見？

Since I can remember， its been just my mom and me at home， except on weekends and holidays when I visit my dad. Sometimes my mom and I are best friends. At other times， we argue over simple things like the fact that I eat standing up， or more complex things like how I spend money.

But our laughs and good times out number the bad times. Our deep conversations usually involve her telling me about all the opportunities I have that she didnt have when she was younger.

My mother was a teen parent， giving birth to me a month after her 16th birthday. She ended up dropping out of high school. She went to a vocational school， and is now doing better than a lot of people she knew growing up. Ive always looked up to her because she knew that she needed to work hard and she did， for both of us.

However， I do think that in some ways my mom lives vicariously through me. Since I was a child， shes been telling me never to lose track of school. Once， in 6th or 7th grade， I told her I wasnt interested in going to college and she was pretty disappointed， and then tried to force me to change my mind.

“What do you mean， ‘Not interested in college？You have to go！ You need to have an education so you can have a good job and be successful. How do you expect to do that without college？ I dont care what you say—you are going and thats that.”

I laughed and agreed. In fact， I was totally motivated to do well in school. Id just said this to see her reaction， and it was as Id expected.

When senior year came around， I was excited to fill out college applications. I did pretty well on the SAT， and received acceptances from almost all of the 26 colleges I applied to. Suddenly it was real： I was getting that chance that my mom didnt have. Everything was going according to plan—except that I felt torn about whether I should leave home for college.

When I started applying， I was set on going away. One part of the whole“college experience” Ive dreamed of is staying up all night， extra-large coffee in hand， having a group study session for finals. Im excited about the feeling of knowing that youre surrounded by people who want the same things you do and are working just as hard. I also like the idea of doing whatever I want with my free time， without having to check in with my mom or anyone else.

Yet， once the acceptance letters told me it was decision time， I found myself struggling with doubt and guilt about leaving my mom alone. When wed first started discussing college choices she would say， kind of aggressively，“Youre staying in the city， right？ I dont have enough money for you to go away.” I explained to her that options like financial aid would help me pay for school. She had no response， which usually means that she feels defeated but wont admit it.

In the past， shed told me， quite clearly， that she wouldnt know what to do without me around. I wondered if she was using finances to mask the real reason she didnt want me to leave， which was that shed miss me. On other occasions， she promised to make my lunch every day if I stayed in the city. I was tempted by thoughts of all the money Id save， and of my moms cooking， which I love. But mostly I felt guilty and concerned about her.

Im her only child and I worried that my leaving would make her extremely sad. While researching schools， I also looked into something called “empty-nest syndrome.”Its when a child leaves home and the parent becomes depressed. I feared that this would happen to my mom. Shes always told me that Im the only person she has， and I know she means it. She has a few relatives， but no one she can really depend on. I know she relies on me for emotional support when shes down.

I worried， too， that going away might add tension to our relationship. If I dont call or visit because I have things on my plate， she may feel like Im too busy for her. I was even afraid of going away and loving it too much， in which case shed feel I was glad to be out of the house. I didnt want to hurt her.

In spite of all my concerns， though， I eventually made up my mind to go away. I realized that if I stayed close to home， Id feel like I missed out on the complete college experience， which might leave me frustrated， regretful， or even resentful of my mom.

Once my mom saw I was determined to move out， she fully supported my decision. She wants me to be happy， and even though I know shes a little sad， shes also excited for me to experience this new life. Thats why I always rely on my mom： In the end， she always puts my interests above her own， and I know she just wants whats best for me.

Of course， I want her to be happy too， and thats why I hope shell start to think about her own goals， not just mine. We sometimes talk about what our respective futures could look like if we are diligent and focused. Once， my mom planned on becoming a nurse， but having a child halted that. When we have serious conversations， I usually encourage her to go back to school and study whatever shed love to see herself doing in a few years. I know that if she goes after her dreams， shell be proud of herself.

She seems to agree， and I think shes seriously considering further education. If she goes after her goals， itll encourage me to go after mine that much more. It will make us both happy and proud to know that she did it.

Its time for me to start my adult life. This change was going to come sooner or later and I believe that itll make my relationship with my mom stronger instead of weaker—especially if we can follow our dreams at the same time， and inspire each other in the process.

自我有記憶以來，除了在周末和節(jié)假日探望爸爸以外，家里就只有我和媽媽。有時候，媽媽和我是最要好的朋友；但有時我們又會為一些瑣碎的事情（比如我站著吃飯）或復(fù)雜一些的事情（比如我如何花錢）爭論不休。

但笑聲和快樂永遠(yuǎn)比不愉快的時光要多。我們之間深入的對話往往會提到這么一個話題：我現(xiàn)在擁有的機會是媽媽年輕時所沒有的。

我媽媽很年輕就當(dāng)了母親，在過完16歲生日的一個月后就生下了我。她最終從高中輟學(xué)，隨后入讀技?！F(xiàn)在比很多和她一起長大的人過得好多了。我一直很敬佩她，因為她知道自己要加倍努力；為了我們倆，她確實做到了。

然而我感覺到，在某些方面，我在替媽媽而活。當(dāng)我還是個孩子的時候，她就一直要我跟上學(xué)習(xí)。有一次，在我六年級還是七年級的時候，我對她說我對上大學(xué)不感興趣，她非常失望，然后試圖逼我改變想法。

“你什么意思，‘對大學(xué)不感興趣？你必須上大學(xué)！你需要接受教育才可以找到一份好工作，出人頭地。不讀大學(xué)你可以干什么？我不管你說什么——你要上大學(xué)，就這么定了?！?/p>

我笑了，并表示認(rèn)同。事實上，我對學(xué)習(xí)很有積極性，我這么說只是想看看她的反應(yīng)——果然不出所料。

高中最后那一年，我對填報大學(xué)申請可興奮了。我的學(xué)術(shù)能力評估測試（SAT）考得很不錯；我申請的26所大學(xué)幾乎都錄取了我。突然間，一切成為了現(xiàn)實：我得到了媽媽沒能得到的機會。所有事情都按計劃進(jìn)行，除了一件讓我十分為難的事情——我應(yīng)不應(yīng)該離家讀大學(xué)？

一開始申請大學(xué)的時候，我就決定要離開家鄉(xiāng)。我夢想的其中一部分“大學(xué)經(jīng)驗”就是開夜車，手里拿著超大杯的咖啡，為期末考試進(jìn)行小組學(xué)習(xí)?？吹街車际呛湍銘汛е瑯訅粝?、并且一樣努力的人，這種感覺讓我很興奮。我也喜歡無須向媽媽或任何人“報到”、能夠自由掌握空余時間的想法。

然而，當(dāng)錄取信要我做出決定的那一刻，我發(fā)現(xiàn)，留下媽媽一個人這種想法讓我陷入了懷疑和內(nèi)疚當(dāng)中。我們一開始商量選擇哪所大學(xué)的時候，她會帶著攻擊性的語氣說：“你會留在城里，對吧？我可沒有足夠的錢讓你到外地讀書?！蔽蚁蛩忉屨f，我可以選擇助學(xué)金等方式支付學(xué)費。她無動于衷，這種反應(yīng)通常說明她感到受挫，但不會承認(rèn)。

以前，她曾經(jīng)明確地告訴我，沒有我在身邊不知如何是好。我懷疑她是不是用經(jīng)濟狀況作為借口掩飾她不想我離開的真正原因——她舍不得我。某些時候，她承諾，如果我留在這里，她會每天為我做午飯。想想因此省下的錢以及媽媽的飯菜（我的最愛），我有點動心了。但最主要的問題是我感到內(nèi)疚，而且很擔(dān)心她。

我是她唯一的孩子，我擔(dān)心我的離開會讓她極度悲傷。調(diào)查各所學(xué)校的同時，我也查看了一種叫“空巢綜合癥”的東西，就是指當(dāng)孩子離家時父母會變得沮喪的現(xiàn)象。我害怕這會發(fā)生在我媽媽身上。她總是對我說，我是她唯一的親人，我知道她（說這話的時候）是認(rèn)真的。她有一些親戚，但沒有一個可以真正依賴。我知道在她傷心失意的時候，是我給了她精神上的依靠。

我也擔(dān)心我的離開或許會令我們的關(guān)系變得更加緊張。如果我因為自己有事而不打電話給她或看望她，她可能會覺得我太忙而忽視了她。更讓我害怕的是自己太喜歡離巢的感覺，而讓媽媽以為我不想留在家里。我不想傷害她。

盡管有所顧慮，我最終還是決定離開家鄉(xiāng)。我意識到如果我留在家附近讀大學(xué)，我會覺得自己錯過了完整的大學(xué)體驗，從而沮喪后悔，甚至怨媽媽。

知道我心意已決后，媽媽十分支持我的決定。她希望我幸福，雖然我知道她有點傷心，但她也會替我能擁有全新的生活而感到高興。這是我依靠媽媽的原因：到了最后，她永遠(yuǎn)把我的利益置于她的利益之上，我知道她只是希望我得到最好的。

當(dāng)然，我也想她得到幸福，所以我希望她開始考慮她自己的目標(biāo)，而不是只考慮我的。我們有時候會說，如果我們勤奮用功，刻苦專注，我們各自的未來會是什么樣子呢。曾幾何時，媽媽打算當(dāng)一名護(hù)士，但帶著孩子令她不得不放棄。討論嚴(yán)肅話題的時候，我經(jīng)常鼓勵她回到學(xué)校，學(xué)習(xí)日后有興趣從事的東西。我知道只要她能追逐自己的夢想，她一定會為自己感到自豪。

她似乎也認(rèn)同這個想法，我想她正認(rèn)真考慮繼續(xù)進(jìn)修的問題。如果她追求自己的目標(biāo)，我也會受到鼓舞，更加努力。我們倆都會因為她的追夢行為而感到快樂、自豪。

是時候開始我的成年人生活了。這個改變遲早會到來，我相信改變將加強而不是削弱我和媽媽的關(guān)系——特別是當(dāng)我們同時追求各自的夢想，而且在這個過程中互相激勵的時候。