Can You Spare a Dime, Sister? Depends ¡¬ 我是一個(gè)吝嗇鬼

誰說“由儉入奢易，由奢入儉難”？對(duì)我來說，由儉入奢一點(diǎn)也不容易。小時(shí)候家里窮，我用錢自然是摳門得很，省之又省。可如今，早已甩掉“窮小孩”身份的我卻仍一如既往地將摳門進(jìn)行到底，這是為什么呢？因?yàn)槲覂?nèi)心深處總有一個(gè)聲音不斷提醒我：“你擁有的還不夠多?！彪y道摳門和吝嗇也會(huì)“習(xí)慣成自然”？

The events of our childhood often impact the way we look at money and wealth. I’ve been fascinated by the psychological impacts of money for as long as I can remember， mostly because I grew up in a family that didn’t have much of it and then trekked1) off to college on oodles of2) financial aid， surrounded by kids with trust funds so large that they’d never have to work. How come I debated3) about whether or not I wanted pepperoni on my pizza (that added an extra $0.50 to my lunch bill) and they could order without even looking at the prices on the menus at the most expensive restaurants in town?

My annual tuition was larger than my mom’s annual salary. As a result， I was a prime candidate for grants， low-interest government loans， and work-study assignments. Those sources of money covered my classes， books， and housing. Then I just had to worry about feeding myself. I signed up for psychology experiments being done by grad students at my university—a few of those in an afternoon， and I was able to get food for the week.

With very little disposable income， I was always on the hunt for a bargain. By my sophomore year， I figured out how to get by on about $50 a week. Food trucks4) and thrift shops5) were my saving graces， literally.

Today， even though I am in a very good financial position， that miser of my younger self can still be found in my day-to-day activities. I’ve put myself on a strict savings plan， socking away6) 20% of my take-home pay in cash in my savings account. I refuse to pay a broker’s fee for an apartment. I review my credit card statement with a fine-toothed comb7) every month. I have yet to ever buy anything without looking at the price tag， from a restaurant meal to an item of clothing to a roll of paper towels. I can save $0.25 if I buy this brand of laundry detergent8) instead of that one? Of course I want to save that quarter!

I comparison-shop9) to the point that I can’t subject10) another human being to shopping with me; my endless bargain hunting is enough to drive anyone insane. (Well， except my sister， Weez. One of our Sunday morning bonding activities when we lived together was to eat cinnamon rolls， that of course we bought on sales and in bulk11)， while clipping coupons.) Just today， I stopped in to CVS12) to pick up milk—$1.69 for a quart. In my old neighborhood bodega， that same quart of milk is $0.79. I actually thought about taking the subway up there to save $0.90. I didn’t， but I thought about it.

This is what happens to kids who grow up poor and then work like heck13) to become adults who have more financial stability. We can take the poor kid out of the poor neighborhood， but that poor kid is going to think like a poor kid， no matter where she lives. During one particularly bad week during my childhood， my sister and I subsisted on14) saltine crackers and peanut butter every day. To this day I keep those two items in my cupboard in constant supply. Just in case.

What’s ironic is that my inner miser never rears her head15) in certain situations. I take my family and friends out for dinner. I tip generously. I love giving gifts. I’ve yet to go by a lemonade16) stand and not drop bills in the basket when a cup only costs about a dime. I contribute generously to charities that I believe do important work. And I love gadgets. I agonize over buying them， but once I take the plunge17) I will thoroughly enjoy tinkering with18) them.

When push comes to shove19)， I am always worried about money and always will be. Worried I’ll never have enough， that I’ll end up on the street， worried that I will lose a job to never find another one again， worried that the poor little girl I was is the poor little girl I will always be. And there’s a little embarrassment that always follows me around because when you grow up poor， it’s not that you don’t just have enough money. There’s also this nagging20) inside you， a tiny little voice that says maybe you’re not quite enough. In the end， the psychology of money isn’t about money at all—it’s about whether or not our opinions and hopes and dreams matter: are they even worth having if we don’t have the money to bring them to life.

I try very hard to put away these worries. Over the years I’ve found a way to stuff those concerns into a drawer， though I will tell you that it is a struggle for me to keep that drawer shut. At any moment， it’s on the brink of21) bursting， which I guess is why my inner-miser is here to stay. And so my daily worth is tied to my daily ability to manage these fears and concerns while also managing all the other aspects of my life. It’s a heavy load， and so far I haven’t found any way to put this legacy to rest22).

童年時(shí)的經(jīng)歷往往會(huì)影響我們的金錢觀和財(cái)富觀。從我記事起，我就對(duì)金錢對(duì)人所產(chǎn)生的心理影響非常感興趣。究其原因，主要是因?yàn)槲沂窃谝粋€(gè)并不富裕的家庭中長大，靠著諸多助學(xué)金才好不容易上了大學(xué)，而我周圍的同學(xué)卻都擁有一份信托資金，數(shù)額巨大，有了它，他們一輩子不工作都可以。我吃比薩時(shí)總是為加不加意大利辣香腸而思來想去(加的話就意味著我的午餐費(fèi)要增加50美分)，而他們卻可以在城里最貴的餐館里想點(diǎn)什么就點(diǎn)什么，連菜單上的價(jià)格都不瞧上一眼。這都是為什么呢？

我大學(xué)一年的學(xué)費(fèi)比我媽媽一年的工資還高。所以，我是申請(qǐng)助學(xué)金、低息政府貸款和勤工儉學(xué)機(jī)會(huì)的最佳人選。這些資金來源能幫我支付學(xué)費(fèi)、書本費(fèi)和住宿費(fèi)。因而，我只需操心養(yǎng)活自己的問題。我報(bào)名參加了我所在的大學(xué)里研究生們進(jìn)行的心理實(shí)驗(yàn)，一個(gè)下午參加幾個(gè)這樣的實(shí)驗(yàn)，我就能賺到一周的伙食費(fèi)。

我賺的錢里能用來自由支配的少得可憐，所以我總是搜尋便宜貨。到大學(xué)二年級(jí)時(shí)，我已經(jīng)有辦法一周只靠大約50美元過活了。移動(dòng)餐車和舊貨店就是我名副其實(shí)的省錢法寶。

如今，盡管我的經(jīng)濟(jì)條件非常不錯(cuò)了，但在日常生活中還是能發(fā)現(xiàn)那個(gè)年輕時(shí)吝嗇鬼一樣的我。我給自己制定了一個(gè)非常嚴(yán)格的存錢計(jì)劃，將稅后收入的20%都以現(xiàn)金的形式存入儲(chǔ)蓄賬戶。我拒絕通過中介找房子，免得支付傭金。每個(gè)月我都會(huì)仔仔細(xì)細(xì)地把我的信用卡賬單檢查一遍。無論是在餐館吃飯，還是買一件衣服，甚至是買一卷紙，我都不會(huì)不看價(jià)簽就掏錢。如果我買這個(gè)牌子的洗衣液而非那個(gè)牌子的就能少花25美分？那我當(dāng)然要省下這25美分了！

我買東西都要貨比“多”家，挑剔異常，以至于到最后都找不到愿意陪我購物的人了：我沒完沒了地尋找便宜貨，光這一點(diǎn)就足以令任何人抓狂。(好吧，我妹妹維茲除外。我們住在一起那會(huì)兒，星期天上午最喜歡一起做的事情就是一邊剪優(yōu)惠券，一邊吃肉桂卷。當(dāng)然，肉桂卷都是我們趁特價(jià)時(shí)大量采購回來的。)就在今天，我順路到一家便利店買牛奶，這里的牛奶標(biāo)價(jià)是一夸脫1.69美元。在我以前居住的小區(qū)雜貨店，同樣是一夸脫的牛奶只賣79美分。事實(shí)上，我當(dāng)時(shí)都想坐地鐵去那家店買了，就為了省90美分。我沒有真那么做，但當(dāng)時(shí)真那么想了。

這就是我們這些窮孩子的真實(shí)寫照。小時(shí)候家里窮，長大后為了擁有更穩(wěn)定的經(jīng)濟(jì)狀況拼命工作。我們可以帶這個(gè)窮小孩離開貧民區(qū)，但無論住在哪里，這個(gè)孩子仍然會(huì)按窮孩子的思維方式思考問題。小時(shí)候，有一個(gè)星期特別糟糕，我和妹妹每天只能靠蘇打餅干和花生醬糊口。直到今天，這兩樣?xùn)|西都是我櫥柜里的必備品，就為了以防萬一。

不過，頗具諷刺意味的是，在某些情況下，我骨子里的這個(gè)吝嗇鬼卻從不站出來搗亂。我請(qǐng)家人和朋友去外面吃飯。給小費(fèi)時(shí)我總是出手慷慨。我喜歡送別人禮物。每次經(jīng)過賣檸檬汽水的小攤時(shí)，我會(huì)往籃子里擱幾張紙幣，雖然買一杯檸檬汽水只需要大概一角錢。我向慈善團(tuán)體慷慨捐助，我認(rèn)為它們?cè)谧鲇兄匾饬x的工作。而且，我喜歡一些設(shè)計(jì)精巧的小玩意。關(guān)于買不買這些小玩意，我總是糾結(jié)不已，但一旦下定決心購買后，我就會(huì)完全沉浸于擺弄它們的樂趣中。

在形勢(shì)緊迫需要作出決定時(shí)，我總是為錢的問題擔(dān)驚受怕，而且相信以后也總是會(huì)有這樣的擔(dān)心。我總是擔(dān)心自己永遠(yuǎn)賺不到足夠的錢；擔(dān)心自己會(huì)淪落街頭；擔(dān)心自己會(huì)失業(yè)，而且再也找不到新工作；擔(dān)心我這個(gè)曾經(jīng)的窮女孩以后會(huì)一直是個(gè)窮女孩。而且不管我走到哪兒，心里總有那么一點(diǎn)困窘心理，因?yàn)槿绻阍谝粋€(gè)貧窮的環(huán)境中長大，讓你覺得困窘的就不僅僅是因?yàn)槟銢]有足夠多的錢。你的身體里還有一個(gè)細(xì)微的聲音在絮絮叨叨不停地說：你擁有的也許還不夠。說到底，關(guān)于金錢的心理，其核心根本不在于金錢本身，而在于如果我們沒有足夠的錢把我們的想法、希望和夢(mèng)想變?yōu)楝F(xiàn)實(shí)，那么這些想法、希望和夢(mèng)想是否還重要，甚至是否還值得我們擁有。

我想方設(shè)法要擺脫自己對(duì)錢的諸多擔(dān)心。這些年我也的確找到了應(yīng)對(duì)之策，那就是將所有這些擔(dān)心都塞進(jìn)一個(gè)抽屜中。不過，不瞞你說，強(qiáng)迫自己不打開那個(gè)抽屜對(duì)我來說簡(jiǎn)直是一種煎熬。抽屜中的東西仿佛隨時(shí)都有可能噴涌而出，我猜這就是為什么我內(nèi)心那個(gè)吝嗇鬼一直都賴著不走的原因吧。因此，我每天的生存價(jià)值不僅體現(xiàn)在處理好生活的其他方方面面上，還體現(xiàn)在我是否有能力處理好這些與錢有關(guān)的恐懼和擔(dān)憂上。這可真是一個(gè)沉重的負(fù)擔(dān)，時(shí)至今日，我也沒有找到辦法來消除這個(gè)童年遺留下來的問題。

1.trek [trek] vi. (緩慢或艱難地)旅行；長途跋涉

2.oodles of ：〈口〉大量，許多

3.debate [d#618;#712;be#618;t] vi. 考慮，思量

4.food truck：移動(dòng)餐車，售賣食物的大卡車

5.thrift shop：舊貨店

6.sock away：〈美口〉儲(chǔ)蓄，儲(chǔ)存(錢)

7.fine-toothed comb：仔細(xì)的搜查

8.detergent [d#618;#712;t#604;#720;d#658;#601;nt] n. 清潔劑

9.comparison-shop [k#601;m#712;paelig;r#618;sn#712;#643;#594;p] vi. 邊比較邊購物

10.subject [s#601;b#712;d#658;ekt] vt. 使遭受，使經(jīng)受

11.in bulk：成批地

12.CVS：convenience store的縮寫，指便利商店

13.heck [hek] n. 用以加強(qiáng)語氣或咒罵，hell的委婉語

14.subsist on：依靠……生活

15.rear one’s head：抬起頭來，顯露出來

16.lemonade [#716;lem#601;#712;ne#618;d] n. 檸檬汽水

17.take the plunge：冒險(xiǎn)嘗試

18.tinker with：瞎擺弄，笨手笨腳地做事

19.When push comes to shove：迫不得已要作出艱難決定時(shí)

20.nag [naelig;ɡ] vi. 嘮叨

21.on the brink of：瀕于

22.put to rest：解決，消除