冬天里的種子

◎ 賞析 / 陳榕

西蒙·范布伊（Simon Van Booy） 1975年生于倫敦，幼年在威爾士的鄉(xiāng)村度過，后畢業(yè)于南安普頓大學，獲得了藝術(shù)碩士學位。成年后的范布伊旅居巴黎、雅典等地，目前住在美國紐約，在紐約視覺藝術(shù)學校任教。2007年，范布伊出版了他的第一部短篇小說集《因為。愛》（The Secret Lives of People in Love）。《愛，始于冬季》（Love Begins in Winter）是他的第二部短篇小說集，2009年出版后獲得了英美文學界短篇小說大獎——弗蘭克·奧康納國際短篇小說獎。他的首部長篇小說《緣生，萬物夢成真》（Everything Beautiful Began After）于2011年出版。2011年，西蒙·范布伊曾訪問中國。

Excerpts1）

We were two people in a car not speaking. I2） think it was a French writer who said that we perceive3） when love begins and when it declines by our embarrassment while alone together.

Hannah4） flew up to San Francisco for the concert. It took place in the afternoon. There were more children present than usual because of the time. As I drew5） each note from the instrument， I could sense her out there， watching， listening—biting her lip.

Anna6）’s form appeared as always， but it felt far away. When I turned to look， I could see only the outline of her body. She was leaving me， and I wasn’t surprised. I wondered where she would go. I would miss her in a new way.

We left San Francisco that afternoon by driving in a straight line over hills. The reflection off the water made the light seem golden； many of the houses were red and wore small towers at their corners. People sat in parks and drank water from plastic bottles. A man in a black T-shirt walked his dog and chatted on a cell phone. A girl on a bicycle ticked past. Her basket was full of lemons. Her hair was very curly. The sidewalk cafés were packed. Faces hidden by newspapers. Groups waiting for a table.

Our car moved forward slowly—it took hours to get out of San Francisco， but we were together， the only two passengers on a journey where the destination was unimportant. Hannah talked about my concert. She said she was the only person not clapping at the end. She said that for her the concert would never end.

When we turned true south onto the Pacific Coast Highway， Hannah said nothing for quite some time. I thought she was enjoying the scenery. A motorcycle passed us. Then we caught up to an RV7） and drove slowly behind it for several miles.

I began to ask Hannah questions， but she answered only with a word or two. I told her about the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York—about the long fountain full of coins.

“I wonder how many of those wishes have come true，” she said.

More silence.

“Do you hear that？” I asked.

“What？” she said. “I don’t hear anything.”

“That’s the sound of keys on my ring，” I said. “Sooner or later I’ll find the one that unlocks you.”

She didn’t say anything but placed her hand on top of mine.

I took several very sharp curves， and then the road straightened out.

I looked at the sea. I thought of fish bobbing along the bottom. The motion of weeds.

Then Hannah said， “I want to tell you about Jonathan8）.”

And little by little， his life was placed before me like a map with a small and beautiful country at its center.

I saw him with his book in the garden， sketching.

Then a body stretched out in the snow.

The fist of acorns9）.

The severed10） hand of her father in the shed.

The dumb hanging ladder.

Years later：

The many meals that would sit in front of her mother and turn cold.

The guilt of her father as he’d laugh at something on the television， then suddenly stop laughing and leave the room.

One night， Hannah said， he went out in his socks， took the chain saw from the shed， and cut the tree down. Her mother didn’t think it was possible. But he managed it somehow with his right hand and the stump11） of his left arm. It took six hours. When the tree fell， it crushed the neighbor’s greenhouse. That afternoon they found a note in their letter box. It was from the neighbor. It read：

I never liked that greenhouse and was going to knock it down this week.

I’m so very sorry for you.

Bill

Then I see my Anna.

The rainy day.

The accident.

A car speeding away.

The back wheel of her bicycle still spinning.

I stopped the car and we sat at a picnic table and held hands. After a couple of hours a park official with long gray hair came over and told us we had to pay five dollars to picnic， so we left. It wasn’t the money， but the atmosphere had changed. I started the car with my foot on the brake.

When we were back on the road， Hannah said she was hungry.

It had clouded over.

Fog wrapped the cliff in its thick coat.

Then it started to rain.

The swoosh12） of the windshield wipers was reassuring.

We turned inland at the first road.

The fog thinned out.

There were birds flying in the opposite direction—away from land. I couldn’t think where they were going. Perhaps to a tall wet rock， far out at sea.

西蒙·范布伊的小說集《愛，始于冬季》收錄了五則短篇。在第一篇《愛，始于冬季》中，法國大提琴家布魯諾·伯奈特邂逅了來自威爾士的漢娜，相似的童年經(jīng)歷讓兩個人相知、相戀。在第二篇《老虎，老虎》里，身為兒科醫(yī)生的女主人公回憶起兩歲的時候曾經(jīng)用牙齒咬了喜歡的小男孩。在《失蹤的雕像》中，外交官馬克斯向一位素昧平生的神父喃喃傾訴童年去拉斯維加斯的經(jīng)歷。在《來來去去的人》中，一位吉卜賽男孩愛上了村子里新搬來的一對姐妹中美麗的姐姐，后來卻迎娶了她的妹妹。在《樹木搖曳的城市》里，男主人公喬治得知他昔日的一夜情為他帶來一個女兒，他來到瑞典，見到了自己的孩子。這些短篇有的訴說的是浪漫的愛情故事，有的講述的是陌生人的友善，有的表現(xiàn)的是割舍不斷的親情。不同的故事發(fā)生在不同的空間：在《愛，始于冬季》中，男女主人公相遇在加州的洛杉磯；《老虎，老虎》的故事背景是紐約長島；《失蹤的雕像》中男主人公置身羅馬，回憶起童年的拉斯維加斯之旅；《來來去去的人》中愛情的生發(fā)地在愛爾蘭東海岸；《樹木搖曳的城市》中，一對父女團聚在冰天雪地的瑞典。這是五個看起來毫無聯(lián)系的故事，但卻相輔相成，和諧地組成了這部小說集。每一則故事落筆時都蘊含了溫柔，綿長而細膩的文字讓整部小說集籠罩在寧靜而略帶憂傷的基調(diào)之中，如同一首長詩中不同的詩節(jié)，循環(huán)往復，復沓吟誦著同一個主題——愛。

愛有很多種不同的形式，有親情、愛情以及友情。關(guān)于愛的故事，有的講述的是生離死別的悲劇，有的則是終成眷屬的喜劇。小說集《愛，始于冬季》所描寫的愛卻很難以喜劇或者悲劇定義，它們都以和解為結(jié)局，但都以傷痛為前提，而這些傷痛均發(fā)生在主人公們的童年時代。在同名短篇《愛，始于冬季》中，男主人公布魯諾每到一地，就會收集當?shù)氐男∈樱眠@些石頭紀念他曾喜歡過的女孩安娜——安娜在12歲時不幸遭遇車禍身亡。而女主人公漢娜原本擁有幸福的家庭，有慈愛的父母和一個天真可愛的弟弟。不幸的是，弟弟喬納森四歲的時候為了學小鳥飛翔爬上了高高的樹屋，當人們再發(fā)現(xiàn)他的時候，他已經(jīng)是一具凍僵了的尸體。在《老虎，老虎》中，女主人公幼年時雖然沒有遭遇布魯諾和漢娜所經(jīng)歷的死亡創(chuàng)痛，心靈卻被成人的專斷所傷害。女主人公曾經(jīng)為了表達對一位小男孩的強烈喜歡而用力咬了對方。她的母親看到后不問原由，認定自己的女兒粗魯無禮，當著眾人的面對當時只有兩歲的她進行了體罰。這件小事影響了女主人公成年后的職業(yè)選擇。在《失蹤的雕像》中，小男孩自出生就沒見過自己的親生父親。母親的新情人帶他們來到拉斯維加斯，把他們隨身的錢財統(tǒng)統(tǒng)拿去賭博，身無分文的母親和小男孩只能徘徊在賭場門外。在《來來去去的人》中，男主人公愛上了一對姐妹中的姐姐，并結(jié)識了后來成為他妻子的妹妹。這對姐妹的父母在她們年紀尚幼時遭遇車禍，雙雙亡故，男主人公所愛的姐姐也為此封閉心門，后來罹患癌癥。在《樹木搖曳的城市》中，男主人公的父母在他童年時頻繁爭吵，而且后來父親不堪壓力跳樓自殺，這令他對一切親密的感情都心存畏懼。

童年是每一個靈魂成形的最初期，稚嫩熱切的靈魂以不設防的姿態(tài)全力擁抱著這個世界。孩子們放心地信任，單純地愛，熱情地追求夢想。然而，命運卻不一定肯給予溫柔的回饋。有些種子在播種的季節(jié)沒有碰到春日明媚的陽光，而是遭遇了嚴寒的冬季：有些孩子小小年紀便被迫見證生死無常，有些孩子在缺乏愛的環(huán)境中生活，還有些孩子敏感的心靈被粗暴地對待。

幼時的愛，因為不懂得計較，沒學會防備，所以非常純粹。然而，正因為孩子不懂得該如何保護自己，一旦受到傷害，傷害所帶來的影響就可能會持續(xù)終生。在《愛，始于冬季》這個小說集中，故事的主人公們便是因為童年時受過心靈創(chuàng)傷，成年后對世界懷著置身事外的抽離感。他們懷疑、猶豫，不肯也不敢無所保留地獻上全部的身心。他們因為靈魂上的傷痕對幸福保持著警惕的審視：即便是碰到了心儀的伴侶，也知道這份愛不會是黏稠的、濃烈的；即便是和血脈相連的親人在一起，也會有某種錯位的陌生感。他們的愛是不圓滿的，無法純粹。但值得慶幸的是，他們的內(nèi)心深處依然保持著對愛的渴望。對他們來說，不圓滿中又蘊含著一種圓滿：彼此凝望時，他們能夠從對方的眼睛里辨認出那是有故事的人才有的共同的憂傷；彼此愛上時，他們會因為曾經(jīng)的失去更珍惜眼前得之不易的珍貴情感。

即便在冬天，在冰凍的大地之下，種子也不會凍死。它們只是在沉睡，春天一到，它們就會憑借頑強的生命力，長出嫩芽。人心深處只要依然保存著愛的種子，愛就有可能在某個契機得以生長，抽出枝條，長出葉片。小說集《愛，始于冬季》的五則故事雖然都有著淺灰色的基調(diào)，卻也在結(jié)尾處透露出淡淡的暖意。它告訴我們，愛是可以開始于冬季的。因為共同經(jīng)歷了最寒冷的季節(jié)，人與人的依偎才顯得那么溫暖。

1.節(jié)選部分選自小說集的同名短篇《愛，始于冬季》，描寫的是男女主人公（布魯諾和漢娜）驅(qū)車離開舊金山時，在路上的談話和思緒。

2.I：指短篇中的男主人公布魯諾，是一位來自法國的大提琴演奏家。

3.perceive [p?（r）?si?v] vt. 察覺，發(fā)覺；感知

4.Hannah：漢娜，短篇中的女主人公，來自英國威爾士。

5.draw [dr??] vt. 拉（小提琴的弓等）

6.Anna：安娜，布魯諾的初戀女友，12歲時因車禍去世。

7.RV：旅游房車（recreational vehicle）

8.Jonathan：喬納森，漢娜的弟弟，四歲時被凍死在樹上。

9.acorn [?e?k??（r）n] n. [植]橡樹果，橡子

10.sever [?sev?（r）] vt. 切斷

11.stump [st?mp] n. 剩余部分殘肢

12.swoosh [swu??] n. 嘩嘩（或嗖嗖）作響的移動