舞文弄墨

上期主題：Fashion through My Eyes

什么是時尚，動人的衣著，灑脫的心，還是積極的生活態(tài)度？時尚又離我們有多遠(yuǎn)，唾手可得，還是遙不可及？而你對時尚又有著什么樣的理解呢，馬上來《舞文弄墨》書寫一下自己的時尚觀吧！

福建Erin Lin

Almost every girl is born to be interested in fashion. As for me, I believe clothing plays a key role in fashion, since it seems that people do sometimes behave differently when they wear different clothes. So a well-dressed person would be more positive and happy. By "well" I do not mean expensive or glorious, I mean neat and fit. Top fashion would make you special and unique, not just simply be wrapped up by some famous labels. Actually I always be satisfied by the fun of matching different style clothes, which would spark my creativity and make me more self-confident, instead of buying expensive clothes, in fact the brand of clothes is the last thing I would consider when I am shopping

Besides, fashion is always changing and elusive, but extremely seductive. Everyone gets different understanding about fashion and wants to dress with chic. However, fashion is such a personal thing than we do not need everyone else's admire or approval even, or even to share with others. Fashion is something that could make you enjoy your private time with yourself and also unique when you are among people.

外編點(diǎn)評：這篇文章很典型，說不上錯，但不完全對。例如，文章開頭…is born to be interested in fashion暗含著由于出生所以對時尚感興趣，例如Prince Charles was born to be king（查爾斯王子天生注定是國王），正確的說法是almost every girl is born interested in fashion。第三個句子不必使用would，可以改為so, a well-dressed person is often more positive and happy。I mean neat and fit中fit應(yīng)該說成a good fit 或 fitting well（合身的），單獨(dú)的fit意思是健康的。第一段后半部的時態(tài)很混亂，應(yīng)該改為I am always satisfied和which can spark my creativity。此處的最后一個從句（in fact…）最好單獨(dú)成句，或者跟前半部分用分號隔開，因?yàn)榇颂幈磉_(dá)的是一個新的觀點(diǎn)。

第二段中everyone gets應(yīng)該改為everyone has a different understanding of fashion。另外需要注意區(qū)別名詞動詞形式，如應(yīng)該是else's admiration，而非admire。最后一句中應(yīng)該寫作fashion is something that can let…。Make一般是用來表達(dá)不想做的事，如The government makes me pay taxes（政府讓我交稅）；而let則一般用來表達(dá)你想做的事，如My mother lets me stay out late to see my friends（我媽媽允許我在外面跟朋友待到很晚）。

上海 Vera Liu

In my eyes fashion should be the perfect combination of public aesthetics and distinctive personality.

The wind of fashion has blown since the start of human history and changes its direction with time. In each century, even every year and month people may create different aesthetics related to various aspects of life, including costume, dietary, entertainment and so on.

To be fashionable is such a world-class allurement that people are easy to fall into the whirlpool of fashion. The most persistent pursuit may come from girls' adornment for dazzling dresses and accessories. With the guide of fashion magazines, magical designers and gorgeous models girls worldwide girls spend amount of time and passion on searching for the latest fashion index.

However, in my opinion the core spirit of fashion should be the unique beauty of each person. Audrey Hepburn is absolutely the best example. She is considered a fashion icon no matter in her time or now because she never caters to the so-called fashion of her time but only chooses the dress that fits her temperament well. With a face and heart of angel she looks incredibly elegant in the dresses with simple lines and pure colors.

If we keep chasing fashion we may be lost in the wind. All we need to do is to observe and reflect. We should keep watching the direction of fashion and keep in mind only the most suitable factors from current fashion can maintain our personality forever. 外編點(diǎn)評：寫得非常好，總的來說，措辭的問題比語法問題要突出一點(diǎn)。例如，英語中可能不會常按文中的形式來使用名詞allurement（誘惑物），一般說成to be fashionable is so alluring。Adornment（裝飾物）一詞使用不當(dāng)，我猜想你錯以為它是adore（崇拜）的名詞形式，應(yīng)該是adoration（崇拜、愛慕），可改寫為girls' love of 或girls' adoration of。另外應(yīng)該說成no matter whether in her time or now，這個句子還需要斷開，最后在because之前和but之后加上逗號，結(jié)構(gòu)會更清晰。此外，應(yīng)該寫做the face and heart of an angel，但dress前不加定冠詞the（Audrey Hepburn的臉龐是獨(dú)一無二的，用定冠詞the；天使的臉龐是泛指，用不定冠詞an）。最后一句中only前應(yīng)該添加that作為從句引導(dǎo)詞。全文只有一個真正的語法錯誤，people are easy to fall應(yīng)該說成people can easily fall。

注：為了達(dá)到點(diǎn)評效果，本刊未對獲獎作文進(jìn)行改動。

下期主題：Shanghai Impressions

你去過么？你愛上她了么？上海，讓很多人流連忘返，樂此不歸的城市，給你的印象是什么？來《舞文弄墨》說說屬于你的上海吧……

字?jǐn)?shù)要求：200字-300字

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