隨著2008年奧運會的日益臨近,如何度過奧運會舉辦的日子成了廣大中學生議論的話題。閱讀下表內(nèi)容,寫一篇短文,介紹一下你將如何度過奧運會舉辦的日子。
學習習作(王寰 呼和特市第十四中學高二?六班)
Now the 2008 Olympic Games are around the corner. How to spend the days when the Olympic Games are held? Here is my plan to① it.
First, if possible, I will try to watch the live broadcasts of some events that I like mostly②, such as table tennis matches, football matches and swimming competitions. Besides, I also will③know about the results of other events with④ watching some introduction programmes.
So as to⑤ treasure the information about the performance of the Chinese athletes, I will type all the grades of them into my computer. In addition, I will offer to introduce the development of the 2008 Olympic Games and how the Chinese athletes try to win medals to my parents, my neighbours and other citizens. At the same time, I will write articles for our school newspaper in praise for⑥ all the athletes for they struggle⑦ to win medals.
修改說明:①“……的計劃”應表達為…plan for,因此to應改為for。 ②“最喜歡……”應表達為like…most,因此mostly應改為most。③also應放在助動詞后面,所以also will應改為will also。④此處表示通過抽象手段,因此with應改為by。⑤So as to不可置于句首,因此應改為In order to。⑥“贊揚……”應表達為in praise of,因此for應改為of。⑦for為介詞,后面應接動名詞,因此they struggle應改為their struggling。
點評:本篇書面表達習作為未來計劃介紹文。小作者根據(jù)寫作要求從觀看奧運會直播節(jié)目、記錄中國運動員比賽情況、宣傳奧運會有關內(nèi)容等角度表達文意,文章要點齊全,內(nèi)容完整,條理清楚,層次分明,整體美感較強。First, Besides, In addition, At the same time等過渡性詞匯的使用使文章敘述更全面、行文更連貫、邏輯更嚴密。定語從句、條件狀語從句、such as列舉句型等高級表達方式的運用使文章表達手段更多,表達效果更好,有力提升了文章的表達檔次。然而美中不足的是,本文存在一些語言表達方面的錯誤,如介詞錯誤、易混詞誤用錯誤、詞序錯誤、易混短語誤用錯誤、短語搭配錯誤、非謂語動詞錯誤,表明作者表達能力還有較大的上升空間。不過,從總體上講,本文仍屬一篇成功之作,值得廣大讀者借鑒。
范文:Now the 2008 Olympic Games are around the corner. How to spend the days when the Olympic Games are held? Here is my plan for it.
First, if possible, I will try to watch the live broadcasts of some events that I like most, such as table tennis matches, football matches and swimming competitions. Besides, I will also know about the results of other events by watching some introduction programmes.
In order to treasure the information about the performance of the Chinese athletes, I will type all the grades of them into my computer. In addition, I will offer to introduce the development of the 2008 Olympic Games and how the Chinese athletes try to win medals to my parents, my neighbours and other citizens. At the same time, I will write articles for our school newspaper in praise of all the athletes for their struggling to win medals.