When Someone Asks Your Opinion, Give It說出你的想法

阿利克山德拉·巴拉施　凱特琳·伍利　佩姬·J. 劉/文　錢靜穎/譯

When someone asks for your opinion， are you quick to offer it？ Or do you opt instead for a laid-back “its your call，” a noncommittal “anythings fine，” or an eager-to-please “whatever works best for you”？

當(dāng)有人征求你的意見時，你會立即給出自己的意見嗎？還是會轉(zhuǎn)而選擇不在乎地說一句“聽你的”，或者不置可否地說“都可以”，抑或是急于討好地說“對你有用就行”呢？

Many of us intentionally withhold our preferences in an attempt to appear easygoing and amiable. Especially in a workplace context， we may assume that being less opinionated can help us make a good impression on our peers， employees， or managers. But through three large-scale research projects that explored a wide range of interpersonal situations with a total of more than 7，000 participants， we found that failing to weigh in can actually make you seem less likable and harm your relationships.

有很多人會故意隱瞞自己的真實喜好，來試圖顯得隨和可親。尤其是在職場中，我們可能會認為少表露想法或許能給我們的同事、員工以及經(jīng)理留個好印象。但通過3個有7000多人參與的大型研究項目——其中探索了廣泛的人際關(guān)系情況，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)沒有主見實際上更不討人喜歡，甚至還會損害人際關(guān)系。

Easygoing isnt likable

太隨和的人不招人喜歡

In our first research project， we looked at how people reacted when asking a friend or acquaintance what restaurant， movie， or museum theyd prefer to go to. No matter the context， the participants almost always told us that they wanted their companion to pick a specific option—and when their companion chose not to （which they often did， out of a desire to seem easygoing）， the participants found their counterparts less likable， and they became less interested in initiating future outings with them.

在第一個研究項目中，我們研究了人們在問朋友或熟人更喜歡去什么餐廳、看什么電影或逛什么博物館時的反應(yīng)。無論在何種情況下，參與者幾乎總是告訴我們，他們希望同伴來做出選擇——而當(dāng)同伴選擇不這樣做時（這類情況經(jīng)常發(fā)生，同伴希望自己看上去隨和些），參與者對他們同伴的好感度便有所下滑，且對今后與這些同伴一起出去玩的興致也減弱了。

Why is this？ You might think that withholding your preferences makes you more likable， but in fact， when someone asks for your input， theyre generally looking for help making a decision. Our participants consistently reported that it was harder for them to make a decision when their friend refused to express an opinion， and this unpleasant decision-making experience often harmed their impression of their friend.

這是為什么呢？或許你認為不表露自己的喜好會讓你更討人喜歡，但事實上，當(dāng)有人向你征求意見時，他們通常是在尋求你的幫助。本次參與者一致反饋說，當(dāng)他們的同伴拒絕表達意見時，參與者反倒更難做出決定，而這種不愉快的決策經(jīng)歷往往減損他們對同伴的印象。

No opinion implies a negative opinion

無意見意味著意見相左

Another reason withholding a preference can backfire is that when someone claims not to care， it can seem like they actually do have an opinion， but are hiding it to avoid conflict. In our second research project， we found that when someone says they dont have a preference， the decision maker often assumes theyre only saying that because they have the opposite preference as they do. When this happens， the decision maker is more likely to choose the option that they themselves dont want （because they assume thats what their counterpart really prefers）， ultimately making them that much less satisfied with the interaction.

隱瞞喜好之所以可能會適得其反，另一個原因是當(dāng)人們說“都行”時，往往給人感覺是有想法，卻為了避免沖突而將其隱藏起來了。在第二個研究項目中，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)當(dāng)有人說“都行”時，決策者通常會認為他們這么說是由于他們確有相反的偏好。在這種情況下，決策者更有可能選擇自己不喜歡的選項（因為他們認為這是對方的真實意圖），最終這次互動讓雙方都難以感覺滿意。

Staying silent can be dehumanizing

保持沉默可能讓人感覺不近人情

Clearly， keeping quiet when a friend or coworker is seeking your input can be counterproductive. But what about situations in which no one is relying on your feedback to make a decision？

顯然，當(dāng)朋友或同事尋求你的意見時，保持沉默可能會起到反作用。但如果你的反饋不會影響到他人的抉擇呢？

In our third research project， we looked at what happens when people are simply asked to express a general preference， rather than to weigh in on a joint decision. We had participants read about a fictional person who was either indifferent or shared an opinion when asked about their favorite food or type of music， and then we asked the participants to share their impressions of that person. Consistently， people who shared an opinion—whether positive or negative—came across as having more of an individual， distinct identity， while those who withheld their opinions seemed robotic and less human. Moreover， in one study， we found that this negative effect can even extend to evaluations of someones work： Participants were shown identical pictures of a room， but when they were told that the interior designer who had designed it had failed to express a preference about his favorite food or music， they rated the rooms design less positively than when they were told it was designed by someone who was willing to share their personal preferences.

在第三個研究項目中，我們研究了當(dāng)一個人只被要求表達通常的偏好而不用參與共同決策時，會發(fā)生什么。我們讓參與者閱讀了解一個虛構(gòu)的角色，當(dāng)被問及自己偏愛的食物或音樂類型時，角色要么回答無所謂，要么是分享自己的想法，隨后我們讓參與者講述他們對角色的印象。一致的是，那些拒絕發(fā)表意見的人會讓人感覺像個機器、不近人情，而愿意分享觀點的人，無論觀點是否正面，讓人覺得更像是個有獨特個性的人。此外，在一項研究中，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)這種負面影響甚至可以延伸到對某人工作的評價：向參與者展示同一組房間照片，相較于得知這個設(shè)計是出自一個樂于分享個人喜好的設(shè)計師時，當(dāng)他們得知房間的設(shè)計師不表露對食物或音樂的偏好時，對該房間設(shè)計的評價會打分更低。

Effective managers encourage—and model—healthy self-expression

高效的管理者鼓勵健康的自我表達和率先垂范

Driven by a desire to be helpful， minimize conflict， and contribute to a collaborative workplace， employees and managers alike are sometimes reluctant to share their personal preferences or provide opinions on joint decisions. But our research demonstrates how this approach can actually harm relationships， making people come across as less effective and less likable.

員工和管理人員出于能夠提供幫助、盡量減少沖突、促進彼此合作的愿望，有時不愿意分享他們的個人喜好或在共同決策時不愿貢獻意見。然而，我們的研究表明，這種做法實際上會有損人際關(guān)系，讓人感覺效率低下和不討人喜歡。

To address these challenges， managers should take steps to encourage healthy self-expression on their teams. In one study， we found that people are twice as likely to share their preferences if the decision maker explicitly says that they dont want to make the choice on their own.

為應(yīng)對這類挑戰(zhàn)，管理者應(yīng)采取相應(yīng)措施鼓勵其團隊進行健康的自我表達。在一項研究中，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)，如果決策者事先明確他們不想單靠自己做出選擇，那么其他人愿意分享自己想法的概率是正常情況下的兩倍。

Managers can also set up dedicated events or digital channels for employees to share their hobbies， tastes， and opinions on various topics， and they can conduct team-building exercises to address common misconceptions and help people become more comfortable telling people about their preferences. In some cases， it may make sense to administer surveys before or after meetings to proactively solicit input from employees who might be nervous to speak up in the moment， and for customer-facing roles， managers may also consider explicitly encouraging employees to voice their opinions with clients， as this may boost perceptions of likability and help them build stronger connections.

管理者還可以為員工設(shè)立專門的場合或提供數(shù)字渠道，讓員工可以分享自己的愛好、品味和對各種話題的看法；他們還可以組織團建活動，以解決常見的誤解，幫助員工更好地敞開心扉，對人說出自己的好惡。在某些情況下，會前會后做些調(diào)查，主動征求那些在會上發(fā)言會緊張的員工的意見，也是很有意義的。對于和客戶對接的員工，管理者也可以考慮明確鼓勵員工向客戶表達自己的看法，因為這可能會增加客戶的好感度，進而建立更牢固的聯(lián)系。

But most importantly， managers and executives must model open communication themselves. Especially for senior leaders who may struggle to stay connected to on-the-ground workers， openly sharing their preferences can help combat perceptions that they are aloof or lacking in humanity. Indeed， rather than alienating employees， our research suggests that expressing an opinion—even if its one that people disagree with—can help leaders come across as more human， more competent， and more likable. This will both improve their own relationships with colleagues across their organizations and normalize the expression of personal preferences for employees who might otherwise be inclined to stay silent.

但最重要的是，經(jīng)理和主管自身需要以身作則，公開交流。尤其是對于職位較高的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)，可能感覺和基層員工保持溝通不易，那么公開分享個人喜好，有助于破除給員工留下冷漠孤高或不近人情的印象。事實上，我們的研究也表明，與和員工保持距離的做法相比，分享自己的想法和觀點（即便分享的觀點可能不被認可），能夠讓領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者顯得更有人情味，還能彰顯其能力并提升其人格魅力。這種做法既能拉近他們自己與組織中同事的關(guān)系，也能讓那些本來選擇沉默的員工正常表達個人的傾向。

So next time someone asks you what you think， dont hold back. Our research demonstrates that respectfully and honestly expressing your preferences both helps the person whos seeking your feedback and makes you come across as more likable.

因而，如果下次有人問你的想法時，不要隱瞞不語。我們的研究表明，尊重和真誠地表達你的喜好，既能給征求你意見的人以幫助，又能讓你更討人喜歡。

（譯者單位：上海興偉學(xué)院）