跟著名著學(xué)續(xù)寫之朋友教育

廣東 王宏瑜

在青少年的成長(zhǎng)過程中，朋友扮演著重要的角色。本次讀后續(xù)寫將以美國(guó)作家文德琳·范·德拉安南創(chuàng)作的《怦然心動(dòng)》為例，講述一個(gè)起于誤會(huì)和偏見、終于成長(zhǎng)的故事。小說的特別之處在于整個(gè)故事是在兩個(gè)主人公輪流的自述中發(fā)展的，讓讀者從不同的視角看待和思考一件事，感受主人公們不同的心理感受，最終跟著兩個(gè)主人公一起成長(zhǎng)和蛻變。因?yàn)槭且缘谝蝗朔Q進(jìn)行敘述的，小說中有大量的心理描寫和動(dòng)作描寫，值得我們學(xué)習(xí)和借鑒。

主題微語境

二年級(jí)時(shí)相遇的朱莉·貝克和布萊斯簡(jiǎn)直就像進(jìn)入了兩個(gè)平行時(shí)空。朱莉在看到布萊斯那藍(lán)眼睛的一瞬間，心就被擊中了。不幸的是，布萊斯從一開始就對(duì)朱莉的熱情避而遠(yuǎn)之，甚至覺得她和她的家都有點(diǎn)邋遢。而且，他認(rèn)為朱莉有點(diǎn)怪，怎么會(huì)有人把養(yǎng)雞和坐在樹上看成樂趣呢？沒想到，到了八年級(jí)，布萊斯開始覺得朱莉不同尋常的興趣和對(duì)家庭的自豪感使她顯得很有魅力。而朱莉則開始覺得布萊斯漂亮的藍(lán)眼睛也許和他本人一樣，其實(shí)很空洞。在經(jīng)歷了一系列溫馨而有趣的事件之后，兩個(gè)孩子都開始重新認(rèn)識(shí)彼此和這個(gè)世界了。

一、偏見/誤解

1.All I've ever wanted is for Juli Baker to leave me alone.For her to back off—you know,just give me some space.一直以來我最大的希望就是讓朱莉·貝克離我遠(yuǎn)一點(diǎn)。讓她走開一點(diǎn)，給我點(diǎn)私人空間。

2.The first day I met Bryce Loski,I flipped.Honestly,one look at him and I became a lunatic.第一天見到布萊斯·洛斯基，我心動(dòng)了。老實(shí)說，只看他一眼我就錯(cuò)亂了。

3.Her shoes were like caked with the stuff.She didn't hop out, though.Instead,she planted her rear end on the floor and started pushing a big box with her feet.她的鞋子上沾滿了臟東西。但是她并沒有跳下去，相反，她一屁股坐下去開始用腳推一個(gè)箱子。

4.It's his eyes.Something in his eyes.They're blue, and framed in the blackness of his lashes,they're dazzling.Absolutely breathtaking.是他的眼睛。他眼睛里的東西。藍(lán)色的眼睛，鑲嵌在黑色的睫毛中間，是那么耀眼，太讓人驚艷了。

5.Finally, I break free and do the only manly thing available when you're seven years old—I dive behind my mother.我終于掙脫開，做了七歲男孩唯一能做的充滿男子氣概的事——躲到媽媽身后。

6.I was too excited not to charge across the street, but I did try very hard to be civilized once I got to the moving van.I stood outside looking in for a record-breaking length of time,which was hard because there he was!我太興奮了以至于無法抑制自己不沖到街對(duì)面，但當(dāng)我看到開過來的面包車時(shí)，我非常努力地想表現(xiàn)得文明有禮。我站在外面向里張望了大概能破紀(jì)錄的時(shí)間，那已經(jīng)很難了，因?yàn)樗驮谀抢铩?/p>

7.You know, like the world is moving all around you, all beneath you, all inside you,and you're floating.Floating in midair.And the only thing keeping you from drifting away is the other person's eyes.They're connected to yours by some invisible physical force, and they hold you fast while the rest of the world swirls and twirls and falls completely away.你知道的，就像整個(gè)世界在圍著你轉(zhuǎn)一樣，在你腳下，在你的身體里，你的身體漂浮起來了，飄在半空中。唯一有一樣能防止你飄走的東西就是那個(gè)人的眼睛，他的眼睛和你的眼睛通過一種無形的力量連接在一起，那雙眼睛緊緊地抓住你，而世界的其余部分在不斷地旋轉(zhuǎn)直到徹底消失。

8.But before I got up the nerve to look, she blasted right past me, grabbing my arm and yanking me along.但是在我還沒有勇氣抬起頭看的時(shí)候，她猛沖過來，抓住我的胳膊并把我拉到一邊。

9.You see,I caught up to him and grabbed his arm,trying to stop him so maybe we could play a little before he got trapped inside, and the next thing I know he's holding my hand,looking right into my eyes.My heart stopped.你看，我追上他，抓住他的胳膊，試圖拉住他跟他玩一會(huì)兒，省的他被困在屋子里出不來?？墒窍乱豢涛夷苡浀玫木褪撬麪恐业氖?，直直地看著我的眼睛，我的心臟都停止了跳動(dòng)。

表1 偏見/誤解

二、影響/反轉(zhuǎn)

△成長(zhǎng)的瞬間

1.The higher I got,the more amazed I was by the view.我爬得越高，越為眼前的景色所驚嘆。

2.Some days they'd (the sunsets) be purple and pink, some days they'd be a blazing orange, setting fire to clouds across the horizon.It was on a day like that when my father's notion of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts moved from my head to my heart.有時(shí)它們（晚霞）是紫色夾雜著粉色，有時(shí)它們散發(fā)出橘紅色的火光，點(diǎn)燃天邊的云彩。在一個(gè)那樣的日子里，我突然領(lǐng)悟到爸爸關(guān)于整體勝于局部之和的道理。

3.Some of us get dipped in flat, some in satin, some in gloss.But every once in a while you find someone who's iridescent,and when you do,nothing will ever compare.有些人平庸淺薄，有些人金玉其外而敗絮其中。但不經(jīng)意間你會(huì)遇到一個(gè)絢爛如彩虹的人，從此以后，其他人不過是匆匆浮云。

△反轉(zhuǎn)

1.When she walked out of the door, I thought back to the first time I saw her.How could anybody,ever,had wanted to run away from Juli Baker.當(dāng)她走出門去，我想起了第一次見她時(shí)候的情景。怎么會(huì)有人要躲著朱莉·貝克呢！

2.And I realized Garrett was right about one thing:I had flipped.Completely!我意識(shí)到加勒特有一件事是對(duì)的：我心動(dòng)了，徹底地！

三、成長(zhǎng)蛻變

△布萊斯的變化

1.And I got so nervous about having nothing to say that my heart started going wacko on me,hammering like it does right before a race or a game or something.對(duì)于說不出話這件事我太緊張了，以至于我的心開始狂跳，就像我馬上要開始賽跑或者比賽之類的事情的時(shí)候一樣。

2.I sat down across from her,feeling pretty low.Why hadn't I said something to Garrett in the library?我坐在她的對(duì)面，心情極其低落。為什么我之前在圖書館就沒對(duì)加勒特說點(diǎn)什么呢？

3.I managed a nod, but my arm was tingling, and my heart was pounding, and I felt myself pulling toward her.Then she was gone.I tried to catch my breath.What was that?What was wrong with me?我勉強(qiáng)點(diǎn)了點(diǎn)頭，但是我的胳膊在刺痛，我的心在狂跳，我感到自己在不自覺地靠近她。然后她就離開了。我試圖喘口氣，這到底怎么回事？我到底怎么了？

4.They were just...real.And who were we? There was something spinning wickedly out of control inside this house.It was like seeing inside the Bakers' world had opened up windows into our own, and the view was not a pretty one.Where had all this stuff come from? And why hadn't I ever seen it before.他們很真實(shí)。而我們又是誰？這個(gè)家里有什么東西邪惡地旋轉(zhuǎn)著，失去了控制。就好像通過看貝克一家的世界，也為我們自己的世界打開了一扇窗戶，而窗外的景觀并不太好看。這些難看的東西到底從哪里來？為什么之前我沒有看見？

表2 布萊斯的變化

△朱莉的變化

1.Friday at school I avoided the blue-eyed brat the best I could, but that night as I got dressed,I found myself staring at the painting my father had given me and became furious all over again.Bryce had never been a friend to me, ever! He hadn't made a stand for the tree,he'd thrown away my eggs,and he'd made fun of me at my uncle's expense...星期五在學(xué)校的時(shí)候，我盡可能地避開那雙藍(lán)色的眼睛，但是那晚當(dāng)我換衣服時(shí)，我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己盯著那幅爸爸給我的畫，又變得很生氣。布萊斯從來沒把我當(dāng)成朋友。他沒有為那棵樹力挺我，他扔掉了我的雞蛋，還因?yàn)槲沂迨迦⌒ξ摇?/p>

2.He said hi to me and I lost it.I spun on him, snapping,“Don't you speak to me! I overheard you and Garrett in the library,and I don't want to talk to you now or ever!”他跟我打招呼，我沒理他。我猛回身，厲聲說道：“不要跟我說話！我聽到你和加勒特在圖書館說的話了，我從今往后都不想跟你說話了！”

3.Our eyes locked for a minute, and for the first time the blueness of his didn't freeze up my brain.我們對(duì)視了大概一分鐘，他那雙藍(lán)眼睛第一次沒有讓我的大腦停止運(yùn)轉(zhuǎn)。

表3 朱莉的變化

句式微練習(xí)

讓動(dòng)作描寫更生動(dòng)

構(gòu)建續(xù)寫情節(jié)時(shí)，細(xì)致到位的動(dòng)作描寫，可以讓讀者聯(lián)想出畫面，引人入勝，增強(qiáng)感染力，使描述更生動(dòng)形象。

1.謂語動(dòng)詞的并列+非謂語

I tried to shake her off, but she just clamped on tight and yanked me along, saying,“C'mon!”我試圖甩開她，但是她雙手緊緊地抱住我，一路拉著我，說道：“來嘛！”

2.巧用before和while等連詞突出動(dòng)作的迅捷

I'd slump beneath the window and pray for the light to change before Juli squealed my name for the world to hear.我躲在窗下，祈禱在朱莉尖叫著讓全世界都聽到我的名字之前燈趕緊熄滅。

3.利用局部肢體刻畫慢動(dòng)作

She planted her rear end on the floor and started pushing a big box with her feet.“Don't you want some help?”她一屁股坐在地板上，開始用雙腳推一個(gè)大箱子?！澳悴恍枰獛椭鷨?？”

即學(xué)即練

1.(2021 年新高考Ⅰ卷)They put some rice into a pot of water and left it to boil__________________________(他們一邊做法式吐司).

2.(2022 年新高考Ⅰ卷) After making sure that David could run if he wanted, I turned to find him ______________________as he ______________________(朝我走來，當(dāng)他向前擺動(dòng)雙腳時(shí)，他小小的身體左右搖晃).

3.(2016 年10 月浙江卷) ________________(現(xiàn)在感到有點(diǎn)力氣了),Jane began to_____________________________(開始沿著小溪走，希望它能將她引向湖邊).

情境微仿寫

Then came the Rajasthan IV trip which was our official last trip.During the trip, we intentionally avoided each other.However,1.________________（我忍不住一直瞥向她）when she turned back and I sensed the same.2.________________（尷尬像陰影一樣沉重）.3.________________（我一個(gè)人低著頭坐著，突然有一個(gè)人走近了).I looked up,4.________________（驚訝地發(fā)現(xiàn)Rishi 在我面前）.5.________________（紅著臉，她打破了安靜）,“I am sorry again.I didn't mean to hurt you.”6.________________（淚流滿面）, she continued,“I should have talked to you earlier.”7.________________（我站起來伸出手擁抱她）,“I am sorry, too.I should have been more generous.”At that moment,we both realized we were an indispensable part of each other's life.

It's been almost 7 years after graduation since we picked up our friendship.Looking back, 8.________________（我依然很感激她邁出與我和好的那一步).Till now, she has been one of the few people I can trust and count on.Our major offered us the same background so that we supported each other in our professional development.Of course,we had argument from time to time.But 9.________________（在內(nèi)心深處）, we both know 10.________________（所有的爭(zhēng)吵都是在幫助我們變成更好的人而不是敵人）.Therefore, we both learned to be tolerant and brave enough to always forgive.If we really value our friends and friendship, 11.____________________（永遠(yuǎn)珍惜他們的存在）and show willingness to maintain and nurture the relationship.

語篇微演練

閱讀下列短文，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫文章，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。注意續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

主題1 迥然不同的搭檔

（2022 年1 月浙江卷）When Dr.Henderson was assigning（指定）project mates for his psychology class, I secretly hoped he would pair me with my best friend or at least a classmate I could have some fun with.Above all,I hoped he wouldn't assign me to work with the fiercely competitive and extremely serious fellow who always wore dark clothes and apparently had a personality to match.As fate（命運(yùn)）would have it, Dr.Henderson very deliberately matched everyone in class and announced that I would be working with the one person in class I wanted to avoid.

I went up to my new teammate and introduced myself.He looked at me as though I weren't there.I felt he treated me as though I would hold him back and probably make him fail to get an A in the course.He wasn't mean or abusive;he just gave me the impression he could do whatever project we dreamed up better if he did it alone.

Needless to say,I didn't look forward to an entire term of being brushed off,but I tried to make the best of it and didn't say anything for fear that I would make things worse.

The project required each team to develop a hypothesis（假說）, set up an experiment to test the hypothesis, do the statistical analysis and present the findings.Whatever grade the team received would be shared by both students.

When my teammate and I met to discuss our project,I was uneasy.Here was this challenging student who had a reputation for single-mindedness and good grades—the exact opposite of me.I actually wanted to drop the class at one point, but stopped short because I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of my chickening out.I decided to stick to it no matter what.

After long discussions,we somehow agreed to do a study on the psychological wellbeing of teenagers.I wasn't sure what it meant exactly,but at least we had a topic.

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We started to meet regularly to draw up our plans._____________________________

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Paragraph 2:

One day I got word that he was admitted to hospital for a serious disease.____________

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主題2 音樂天才遇知音

The whole class burst out laughing as Mohi rushed into the classroom.He was a strange sight.His half-buttoned white shirt showed a red striped nightclothes underneath,and instead of white school shoes, he wore a pair of bright green sandals (涼鞋) that were two sizes too big.The physics teacher's hands froze in the middle of writing something on the blackboard.Mohi said in very low voice,“Sorry,Teacher,”and went to his seat.Mr Tan glared at the rest of the students.The laughter quickly faded.

Mohi's classmates always looked forward to Mondays.Nine times out of ten, they would be entertained by Mohi's late arrival and his strange appearance which usually included inappropriate clothing.

Mohi lived just a street away from the school.He walked to school daily.Students passing by in buses would call his name together just to see him jump and stop in his tracks.When he spotted the merry bunch in the bus, he would wave good-naturedly.Although Mohi was likable, he was too lost in his own thoughts to make friends.His classmates found him amusing but they ignored him most of the time.Only Hamed,who sat next to Mohi,tried to be his friend.

The following Monday,Mohi did not turn up at school.His classmates were a little disappointed but quickly forgot about him.After school, Hamed decided to walk over to Mohi's house to check on him.As he approached the gate,he could hear violin music.Mohi must be listening to music, he thought.The gate was not locked.Hamed let himself in.He called Mohi's name a few times but there was no response.The music played on.Hamed peered (窺視) in through a window.His eyes widened in surprise.In the middle of the living room, Mohi was playing the violin.His eyes were closed in concentration as he drew the bow over the strings expertly.He played so flawlessly that it sounded like a recording.Hamed left quietly.

Paragraph 1:

When Teachers' Day came around,Hamed had a plan.________________________

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Today,Mohi is a student pursuing music and Hamed is still his best friend.__________

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