To Bee or Not to Bee蜜蜂的故事

Mary Oves

In 2021， I received a phone callwhich told me that I had been chosen asone of three 2022 Grand Prize winners of“A Hotel Room of One’s Own： The ErmaBombeck/Anna Lefler Humorist-in-ResidenceProgram”.

In October 2022， I would be luckyto meet and attend workshops1 withsome famous comedy writers. I waslooking forward to finishing my bookproject during the two-week stay.

But， on the first Saturday， I discovereda bee in my hotel room.

I immediately FaceTimed my oldest son.

“Honey， there’s a bee in my room.”

“A bee？ What floor are you on？”

“Third.”

“How did a bee get into your room？”

“I left the window cracked2.”

“Your hotel-room window on the third floor opens？”

“No.”

“No？”

“No.”

“Then， how did the bee get into awindow that doesn’t open？”

“I opened it. I needed fresh air. I usedmy eyelash curler3 to unclench4 the metalpiece that prevents the window fromopening.

“Can you put it back in when you leave？”

“I’m not sure. The metal kind of broke off.”

“I see.”

“So， what should I do about the bee？”

“Um， kill it？”

“What if it doesn’t die and then seeksrevenge5 on me while I sleep？”

“Insects don’t seek revenge. So， catchit and release6 it.”

“I can’t catch it. What if it stings7 me？”

“Jeez. Where is it？”

“Here in the room.”

“No， what part of the room？”

“Oh. On the glass part of the window.”

“So， catch it in a cup. Do you have a plastic cup？”

“Yes.”I looked around and saw twoplastic coffee cups.

“Slide8 it into the coffee cup， put thelid9 on it， and then release it out thewindow.”

“Okay.”

I put the phone on the coffee machinefacing the window， grabbed10 one of thetwo plastic cups， and managed to trap11the bee in it. But each time I slid the cupto the open window and lifted it from thewindow surface， I couldn’t get the lid onbefore the bee flew out， angrier each time.

Finally， I had the bee trapped， lid on，and released it out of the cracked window.It flew back in， and I screamed as it divebombed12me. In my terror13， I droppedthe cup without thinking and ran screamingto the bathroom. I could hear loudlaughter coming from the phone.

Of course， I felt shame sitting inthe bathroom.

After a while， I walked back into theroom and saw that the bee had once againtaken up residence14 on the window.

To the sound of my son yelling15through the phone，“You got this， Mom！ ”I grabbed the second coffee cup andtrapped the bee. Not willing to take anyrisks—and not really thinking it through—I threw the entire16 cup out the windowand watched as it flew three stories down，and at the feet of a couple who were tryingto enjoy a glass of wine on the hotelpatio17.

“What the hell！ ”The man jumpedup and stared toward my window.

I yelled down to him， “Look， I’mreally sorry. But would you mind lettingthe bee out of that cup？ He’s beenthrough a lot， so be careful as yourelease him.”

They looked at me， back at thecup， and then back at me. I heard himsaid to his wife，“Is she kidding？”

I turned to see my son and his friendlaughing and staring from the screen.

My son’s friend turned to him.“Howlong is your mom writing in Dayton？”

“Two weeks，”my son replied.

His friend shook his head.“She’snot gonna make it.”

2021 年，我接到一個電話，說我被選為2022 年“自己的酒店房間：埃爾瑪·邦貝克/ 安娜·勒弗萊常駐幽默作家項目”的三名大獎得主之一。

2022 年10 月，我有幸與一些有名的喜劇作家見面并參加研討會。我期待著在兩周的逗留期間完成我的新書計劃。

但是，在第一個星期六，我在我的酒店房間里發(fā)現(xiàn)了一只蜜蜂。

我立刻和我的大兒子視頻通話。

“親愛的，我的房間里有一只蜜蜂?！?/p>

“蜜蜂？你在幾樓？”

“三樓?！?/p>

“蜜蜂是怎么進你的房間的？”

“我的窗戶開了個縫?！?/p>

“你在酒店三樓房間的窗戶打得開嗎？”

“打不開?！?/p>

“打不開？”

“是的，打不開?！?/p>

“那么，蜜蜂是怎么飛進一扇打不開的窗戶的呢？”

“是我打開的。我需要新鮮空氣。我用睫毛夾撬開了防止窗戶打開的金屬片?！?/p>

“你離開的時候能把它裝回去嗎？”

“我不確定。金屬片有點斷了。

“我知道了?！?/p>

“那么，我該怎么對付這只蜜蜂呢？”

“嗯，殺死它嗎？”

“如果它沒有死，然后在我睡覺的時候想要找我復(fù)仇怎么辦？”

“昆蟲是不會找你復(fù)仇的。

所以，抓住它，然后把它放走?！?/p>

“我抓不到。如果它蟄了我怎么辦？”

“天啊，它在哪里？”

“在房間里?！?/p>

“不，在房間的什么地方？”

“哦。在窗戶的玻璃上?！?/p>

“所以，用杯子抓它吧。你有塑料杯嗎？”

“有?！蔽噎h(huán)顧四周，看到了兩個塑料咖啡杯。

“讓它滑進咖啡杯里，蓋上蓋子，然后把它放出窗外。”

“好的?！?/p>

我把手機放在面向窗戶的咖啡機上，抓起兩個塑料杯中的一個，并設(shè)法把蜜蜂困在里面。但每次我把杯子滑到打開的窗戶上，然后把它從窗戶表面拿起來時，我都無法在蜜蜂飛出來之前蓋上蓋子。

我一次比一次生氣。

最后，我終于把蜜蜂困住了，蓋上了蓋子，把它從窗戶縫里放了出去。它飛了回來。當(dāng)它飛撲向我時，我尖叫了起來。我不加思索地扔掉杯子，尖叫著跑向浴室。我能聽到從電話里傳來的大笑聲。

當(dāng)然，我坐在浴室里感到很羞愧。

過了一會兒，我走回房間，看到那只蜜蜂再一次停在窗戶上。

隨著我兒子在電話里大喊：“你可以的，媽媽！”我抓起第二個咖啡杯，困住了蜜蜂。我不想冒任何風(fēng)險，不假思索地把整個杯子扔出窗外，看著它飛下三層樓，落到了酒店露臺上一對正要享受美酒的夫婦的腳下。

“見鬼！”那名男子跳了起來，盯向我的窗戶。

我朝他大聲喊道：“聽著，我真的很抱歉。但你介意把蜜蜂從杯子里放出來嗎？它經(jīng)歷了很多事情，所以在你釋放它的時候要小心?！?/p>

他們看看我，又看看杯子，然后又看看我。我聽見他對他妻子說：“她在開玩笑嗎？”

我轉(zhuǎn)過身來，看到兒子和他的朋友笑著盯著屏幕。

我兒子的朋友轉(zhuǎn)向他。“你媽媽在代頓寫作要持續(xù)多久？”

“兩個星期?！蔽覂鹤踊卮鹫f。

他的朋友搖了搖頭。“她做不到的?！?/p>

Notes

1. workshop 研討會

2. cracked 破裂的；有裂紋的

3. eyelash curler 睫毛夾

4. unclench 撬開

5. revenge 報復(fù)；報仇

6. release 釋放

7. sting 昆蟲、動植物叮、刺、蜇

8. slide 滑行；滑動

9. lid 容器的蓋、蓋子

10. grab 攫取、抓住

11. trap 設(shè)陷阱捕捉、把……困在

12. dive-bomb 俯沖轟炸

13. terror 驚恐；恐懼

14. residence 住宅；住所；居?。欢ň?/p>

15. yell 叫喊；大喊

16. entire 全部的；整個的