燒不完的郵件

文/本·霍夫曼 譯/唐鈺琪 審訂/唐偉勝

我的鄰居又在燒他的郵件

了。我的鄰居是個郵差，所以他的郵件不是他收到的，而是他負(fù)責(zé)投遞的，或者說是他應(yīng)該投遞卻被他拿去燒掉的郵件。我們住連棟，我能聞到從墻壁透過來的煙味。我烤了一個派，每當(dāng)郵差燒郵件或我想念簡時我就烤派。雖然我在烤派，可我的公寓聞起來沒有派的味道。我的公寓聞起來是信封燃燒的味道，而我一個人住。我走向隔壁。我跟郵差說，我?guī)砹伺?，也許你需要歇一會兒。他比上次更瘦了，而我更胖了。郵差說他沒時間歇，他燒郵件的速度還不夠快。郵件在廚房臺面上、咖啡桌上、壁爐架上堆積成山，券單散落一地。壁爐噼里啪啦、呼呼作響。郵差把醫(yī)院賬單、成績單、呼吁校友回饋母校的郵件統(tǒng)統(tǒng)塞進(jìn)壁爐。他說郵局的調(diào)查員快到了。我以前都不知道還有調(diào)查員。我問郵差能幫他什么。他說，提供失蹤?quán)]件的線索可拿獎勵，如果我需要錢，可以去告發(fā)他。我確實需要錢，但我不會告發(fā)他。我欠這個郵差太多了。當(dāng)初是他讓我知道簡有了外遇。那時候她在給她的藥劑師寫情書。在回信地址上，她把那個人的姓寫成自己的姓。郵差起了疑心。然后郵局那邊發(fā)生了一起意外事件，有臺機器撕開了一封信。這件事本身也讓人起疑心。郵差讀了那封信，但沒有讓我讀。他說那是違法的。我懷疑他是故意不讓我看到詳盡的細(xì)節(jié)?？傊嗠x開了我。我現(xiàn)在經(jīng)常一個人邊烤派邊想象信里的詳盡細(xì)節(jié)。

My neighbor is burning his mail again.My neighbor is a postman so his mail is not the mail he receives but the mail he delivers, or the mail he should be delivering but instead is burning.We live in a duplex and I can smell the smoke, seeping through the walls.I bake a pie, which is a thing I do when the postman is burning his mail or when I miss Jane.I bake a pie but my apartment does not smell like pie.My apartment smells like burning envelopes and I am alone.I go next door.I bring the pie—in case you need a break,I tell the postman.He is thinner than last time and I am fatter.The postman says he has no time for breaks.He cannot burn his mail fast enough.Towers of mail are stacked1stack 堆放，摞起。on the counters, the coffee table, the mantle2mantel 的拼寫變體，壁爐臺。.Coupons are scattered across the floor.The fireplace crackles and churns.The postman sticks in hospital bills, report cards, appeals to alumni to give back.He says the investigators from the post office are closing in.I did not know they existed.I ask the postman if I can help.He says there is a reward for leads on the missing mail.I can turn him in3turn in 告發(fā)，檢舉。if I need the cash.I do, but I won’t.I owe the postman too much.He was the one who let me know Jane was having an affair.She was writing love letters to her pharmacist.On the return address she took his last name as her own.The postman was suspicious.Then there was an accident down at the post office; a machine tore open a letter.This was also suspicious.The postman read the letter, though he did not let me read the letter.He said that would be illegal.I suspect he was shielding me from the particular details.Anyway Jane left and I am alone baking pies and imagining particular details.

2Don’t the investigators know where you live, I ask the postman.

They are tracking the missing mail,not me.

Don’t they know what mail you deliver?

They are a little disorganized down at the post office, he says.But soon enough it will lead to me.

3He throws credit card offers into his fireplace.General interest magazines,their subscriber labels melting and dripping.Smoke fumes4fume 冒煙。out to the ceiling.I deserve to be caught, he says.I have done awful things.

2我問郵差，難道調(diào)查員不知道你的住處嗎？

他們在追蹤丟失的郵件，而不是我。

難道他們不知道你投遞的郵件？

郵局那邊做事有點沒條理，他說，但過不了多久，他們會順著線索找到我的。

3他把寄來的信用卡丟進(jìn)壁爐，還有各種大眾雜志，里面的訂戶標(biāo)簽在火中熔化滴落。煙霧升騰到天花板。他說，我活該被抓，我做了糟糕的事情。

4I do not see it that way.People are not getting their mail, but this doesn’t seem so bad to me.What do people ever get in the mail but bad news? Maybe if you are a person who has affairs you might get illicit love letters, but I am not a person who has affairs.I get debt notices and electric bills and Jane’s lingerie catalogues and postcards from her niece.Jane has left but they keep coming.Or: I was getting all those things,before the postman stopped delivering my mail.It is better now, not getting them.He has let me burn a few myself:Jane’s J.Crew catalog, her AAA card.

5Are you sure about no pie? I ask.It’s rhubarb.

Smoke curls around towers of packages.The postman creeps5creep 悄悄地緩慢移動。to the window, unsteadily, like his legs have not been used in some time.His calves used to bulge6bulge 鼓起。.I can tell he has not been eating.He peeks around the curtain.

6That’s them, he says.They’re here for me.

I take a look.That’s just Ms.Mulvaney with her dog, I tell the postman.I open the window for ventilation.You remember.Didn’t she bite you once?

7Who? Ms.Mulvaney?

I smile, but I can see he is remembering that day when fear and pain butted up against a duty he still felt.

4我不這樣看。人們收不到他們的郵件，但我認(rèn)為這不是什么太壞的事。人們從郵件里讀到的除了壞消息還有什么？如果你有了外遇，你可能會收到不正當(dāng)?shù)那闀?，但我這個人沒有外遇。我收到的是欠賬單、電費單、寄給簡的內(nèi)衣產(chǎn)品目錄，還有她侄女寄來的明信片。簡已經(jīng)離開了，可這些郵件還不停地寄來。換句話說，我一直在收這些東西，直到郵差不再投遞我的郵件?，F(xiàn)在收不到這些東西，反倒更好。他讓我自己燒掉了幾封郵件：簡訂閱的J.Crew 新品目錄，還有她的AAA 信用卡。

5我問，你真的不吃點派嗎？大黃餡的。

煙霧圍著一大堆一大堆的包裹繚繞。郵差躡手躡腳地走到窗邊，搖搖晃晃的，好像他的腿已經(jīng)有段時間沒用過了。他的小腿以前是鼓鼓的。我能看出，他最近沒吃東西。他在窗簾邊往外瞅。

6是他們，他說，他們是沖我來的。

我看了一眼。我告訴郵差，那是馬爾瓦尼女士和她的狗。我打開窗戶通風(fēng)。你還記得吧，她不是咬過你一回嗎？

8You never know, he says.They will come quietly.The post office does not need any more PR problems.You should call them while you have the chance.Big money.

9Probably it is not big money.But it suits his sense of self to imagine the punishment of his crimes is worth so much.

10Here is an irony, says the postman.I started burning my mail so I didn’t have to deliver it.But now I am beholden to7be beholden to 受制于；負(fù)有義務(wù)的。this.There is so much to burn, to cover my tracks.I would have been better off delivering it.Why did I not just do that?He says, things beget8beget 導(dǎo)致，引起。things, which sounds plagiarized9plagiarize 剽竊。from something biblical, but I am not a person who would know.

7誰？馬爾瓦尼女士？

我笑了，但我能看出，他記起了那天的事。那天，恐懼和疼痛與他內(nèi)心尚存的責(zé)任感同樣強烈。

8誰知道呢，他說，他們可能悄悄地來。郵局不能再出公眾形象問題。你應(yīng)該給他們打電話，你還有機會，一大筆錢。

9也許并不是一大筆錢。但是，想象治自己的罪值那么一大筆錢讓他感覺良好。

10這事也很可笑，郵差說，我當(dāng)初開始燒郵件，是因為這樣我就不用去送郵件，但現(xiàn)在我被套住了。為掩人耳目，要燒掉的郵件實在太多，倒不如當(dāng)初把郵件送出去。我為什么不那樣做呢？他說，一事惹一事。這聽起來像是從《圣經(jīng)》抄來的，但其實我這樣的人是想不到這些的。

11房間里滿是煙霧。郵差擦擦額頭，把一只胳膊靠在一堆包裹上，結(jié)果這堆包裹塌下來，郵件撒了一地。我把郵差從郵件堆里拽出來，拽到了門廊，又拽出門到了大街上。我扶他坐在路緣上。馬爾瓦尼女士問簡的情況。我說她大概過得很開心吧。郵差把腳踝伸向她的狗。那狗甚至沒有沖他吠，似乎已經(jīng)認(rèn)不出他是個郵差。他現(xiàn)在只是個普通百姓。他的呼吸有煙味，嘴唇焦黑，手指也熏得黑黑的。他拿出手機，開始撥號。他問，你打算怎么花賞金？買輛摩托車？還是熊隊的賽季套票？他把手機遞給我；手機在響鈴。

11The room is filled with smoke.The postman wipes his forehead and rests an arm against a stack of packages, which topple10topple 倒下。across the floor.I drag the postman from the debris, out onto the porch, then the street.I help him sit on the curb.Ms.Mulvaney asks how Jane is.I say she is likely very happy.The postman offers his ankle to her dog.She does not even growl at him, like she does not recognize him as a postman anymore.He is only a civilian now.His breath is smoky, his lips charred11charred 燒黑的。, his fingers sooty12sooty 被煤煙熏黑的。.He takes out his cell phone and dials.How will you spend your reward? he asks.Motorcycle?Bears season tickets? He hands me his phone; it is ringing.

12I wonder why Jane and her pharmacist wrote each other letters, but I suppose it suited their sense that their passion was too great for modern technology, a relic from a more romantic time.I suppose it suits me to pretend I know what they desired.

13Smoke billows from the postman’s chimney, thick and black, proof that things are flying away from us.The smoke is probably suspicious, since it is summer.Probably they will come for us soon.Probably our lives are over.Hello,I say.I am here to claim my reward.■狗。那狗甚至沒有沖他吠，似乎已經(jīng)認(rèn)不出他是個郵差。他現(xiàn)在只是個普通百姓。他的呼吸有煙味，嘴唇焦黑，手指也熏得黑黑的。他拿出手機，開始撥號。他問，你打算怎么花賞金？買輛摩托車？還是熊隊的賽季套票？他把手機遞給我；手機在響鈴。

12我不知道為什么簡和那個藥劑師要給對方寫信，但我想，他們或許覺得感情過于濃烈，現(xiàn)代科技無法傳遞，因此寫信這種更浪漫的時代遺留下來的方式正合適。我想，假裝知道他們想要什么，這對我也正合適。

13煙氣從郵差房間的煙囪里滾滾冒出，又濃又黑，證明某些東西正離我們遠(yuǎn)去。這煙也許會令人生疑，畢竟現(xiàn)在是夏天。也許他們很快就會找到我們。也許我們的日子已經(jīng)到頭了。你們好，我說，我是來領(lǐng)賞金的。 □