A horse losing hair 一匹掉毛的馬

鄭嵐

一匹叫作波特的馬誤以為自己要變禿，于是用了主人的護(hù)發(fā)素。接下來，故事會(huì)如何發(fā)展呢？

A horse named Potter and his family lived together with Mr Sam and Mrs Harvey. Potter loved to watch TV. Every day， Mrs Harvey watched her favorite show on the television and Potter often listened to the sounds from the open window.

One winter afternoon， a commercial came on. “Worried about hair loss？” said the television. “Whoever gets Miracle Hair Tonic can fight back！” “I should get some of that for Sam. He has a bald spot at the top of his head，” Mrs Harvey said.

“Potter！” Mrs Harvey asked. “Come on. Im going to clean you up.” “Youre going bald， too， Potter，” said Mrs Harvey. Potter looked around. The ground was full of hair. More hair was falling down from his side. Potter could not believe it. Bald！ Just like Sam. Potter pictured himself losing all his hair. How the other horses would laugh at him！

Potter was so embarrassed that he stayed silent the whole day. “Whats wrong， Potter？” asked Sam when he brought Potter some food. Potter shook his head. Several hairs floated off his neck. “Soon youll be as bald as me！” Sam said and laughed loudly.

Three days later， Mrs Harvey came into the kitchen with a box. Potter stretched out his neck to keep watching her open it. It was Miracle Hair Tonic that caught his attention！ After Mrs Harvey put it on the floor and left， Potter tried his best to touch the bottle from the window. It rocked and then landed in his mouth. Potter broke the bottle into the water trough （水槽）. The water turned green. Potter put his feet on the trough and lowered his body into the water again and again.

“What are you doing， Potter？” Mrs Harvey suddenly asked. Potter stood up quickly. Mrs Harveys mouth was open. “Sam， come quick！” “The broken bottle of Miracle Hair Tonic is beside him，” said Sam. “I got it for your baldness，” said Mrs Harvey. “Oh， Potter，” said Sam， “I was just making a joke with you. Youre not going bald. Youre just losing your winter coat. In fact， it helps you get sunlight to keep you warm， and your new hair will grow again.”

Ⅰ. Difficult sentences

1. Whoever gets Miracle Hair Tonic can fight back！

譯文：誰使用了神奇護(hù)發(fā)素，誰就能逆襲。

分析：本句中的Whoever引導(dǎo)主語從句，表示 anyone who或者everyone who。

2. Potter was so embarrassed that he stayed silent the whole day.

譯文：波特感到如此尷尬，以至于他整天都保持沉默。

分析：本句中的so...that...意為“如此……以至于”，引導(dǎo)結(jié)果狀語從句，其基本結(jié)構(gòu)為“主語+謂語動(dòng)詞+so+adj./adv.+that從句”。

Ⅱ. Useful expressions for emotion and environment

1. Potter could not believe it.

2. Potter was so embarrassed that he stayed silent the whole day.

3. Potter shook his head.

4. Sam said and laughed loudly.

5. Mrs Harveys mouth was open.

6. Potter felt very surprised.

7. The ground was full of hair.

8. The broken bottle of Miracle Hair Tonic is beside him.

Ⅲ. Sentence for writing

It was Miracle Hair Tonic that caught his attention！

【信息提取】“It was/is+被強(qiáng)調(diào)部分+that”是一個(gè)強(qiáng)調(diào)句式。

【句式仿寫】就是這名志愿者幫助我擺脫困難的。

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閱讀上面的短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

注意：

1. 所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;

2. 續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1：

Potter felt very surprised.? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

Paragraph 2：

Therefore， Potter didnt worry about losing his hair any more.? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

寫作指導(dǎo)

一、語篇研讀

要想續(xù)寫內(nèi)容與所給材料內(nèi)容連貫、銜接緊密，必須充分了解所給材料大意。本文是一篇記敘文，文章分析如下：

[A horse losing hair][Potter： pictured himself losing all his hair][Mrs Harvey： got Miracle Hair Tonic for Sam][Sam： had a bald spot at the top of his head][One winter afternoon][The broken bottle of Miracle Hair Tonic is beside Potter.][Characters] [Settings] [Plots][1. A commercial came on.][2. More hair was falling down from Potters side.][3. Mrs Harvey came into the kitchen with a box.][4. Potter broke the bottle into the water trough.][5. Potter put his feet on the trough and lowered

his body into the water again and again.]

二、情節(jié)構(gòu)思

我們可以基于標(biāo)題、原文和續(xù)寫段落首句提供的信息，構(gòu)思要續(xù)寫的故事情節(jié)。這一過程分為四步。

第一步，根據(jù)已給出的文本判斷文章的立意。

根據(jù)續(xù)寫第一段的段首句“Potter felt very surprised.”，我們可以推測(cè)出波特從主人口中得知了答案。根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段的段首句“Therefore， Potter didnt worry about losing his hair any more.”，我們可以推測(cè)出續(xù)寫第一段中波特應(yīng)該會(huì)想辦法再次去了解馬冬季掉毛的原因。故事的開頭介紹了波特?zé)o意中聽到護(hù)發(fā)素的廣告，然后它因看到自己身上的毛發(fā)在脫落而擔(dān)心自己會(huì)變禿。故事的轉(zhuǎn)折點(diǎn)是波特嘗試了主人的護(hù)發(fā)素。主人發(fā)現(xiàn)波特在使用護(hù)發(fā)素后，說出了真相，波特感到十分驚訝。那么接下來，波特會(huì)不會(huì)去尋找答案呢？譬如去詢問自己家庭中的長(zhǎng)輩，以此體現(xiàn)波特面對(duì)問題時(shí)呈現(xiàn)出來的求知精神。

第二步，圍繞續(xù)寫第一段所給出的段首句“Potter felt very surprised.”進(jìn)行提問構(gòu)思：

（1）Why did Potter feel surprised？

（2）How did Potter react after knowing the truth？

（3）Who would Potter turn to for help？

第三步，根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段所給出的段首句倒推續(xù)寫第一段一定要寫什么。

分析一下續(xù)寫第二段所給出的段首句“Therefore， Potter didnt worry about losing his hair any more.”，我們可以推斷，第一段需要敘述波特是如何進(jìn)一步知道馬冬季掉毛的原因，所以它才能不再擔(dān)憂等內(nèi)容。這樣方能確保續(xù)寫的兩段之間銜接合理，情節(jié)連貫。

第四步，圍繞題目“A horse losing hair”以及續(xù)寫第二段段首句“Therefore， Potter didnt worry about losing his hair any more.”進(jìn)行提問構(gòu)思：

（1）What did Potter do after knowing the truth？

（2）What would be the ending？

三、潤(rùn)色成篇

在續(xù)寫的過程中要注意“續(xù)”的原則，做到主題、情節(jié)、語言風(fēng)格一致。具體如下：

（1）通過分析，我們可以發(fā)現(xiàn)本文的主題是弘揚(yáng)積極正面的價(jià)值觀，如文章主角面對(duì)問題時(shí)所呈現(xiàn)出來的求知精神。續(xù)寫時(shí)應(yīng)注意結(jié)局的設(shè)計(jì)。

（2）續(xù)寫的情節(jié)應(yīng)和前面的開始和發(fā)展吻合，根據(jù)人物的性格特點(diǎn)進(jìn)行合理的預(yù)測(cè)。

（3）文章中有多處心理描寫和環(huán)境描寫，還使用了狀語從句和強(qiáng)調(diào)句，續(xù)寫時(shí)應(yīng)關(guān)注并模仿這些語言風(fēng)格。

（4）續(xù)寫時(shí)應(yīng)注意句子長(zhǎng)短相間，句型豐富，語法、詞匯、標(biāo)點(diǎn)符號(hào)使用準(zhǔn)確。

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