中考作文示例分析

楊慶春

[真題在線]

（2020·貴州·貴陽）某英語網(wǎng)站正在開展關(guān)于良好生活習(xí)慣的征文大賽，請(qǐng)以“Good Living Habits Make Me_______________”為題，寫一篇不少于80詞的英語短文參加此次大賽。

要求如下：1. 補(bǔ)全標(biāo)題;

2. 重點(diǎn)談?wù)劻己玫纳盍?xí)慣對(duì)你的積極影響和作用;

3. 征文中不得出現(xiàn)考生真實(shí)的個(gè)人信息。

[試題解讀]

本文是一篇開放式命題作文。要求以“Good Living Habits Make Me_____________”為題寫一篇英語短文。由此，可知本文話題是日常生活中的一些具體片段。寫此文時(shí)，首先我們要研讀提示信息，結(jié)合自己的經(jīng)歷將本文的標(biāo)題補(bǔ)充完整，然后確定體裁，構(gòu)思寫作思路。根據(jù)要求可以介紹自己有哪些好習(xí)慣，這樣可以寫成一篇說明文;也可以講述自己學(xué)習(xí)生活中養(yǎng)成好習(xí)慣的經(jīng)歷或故事，這樣可以寫成記敘文。注意在寫作時(shí)，我們要用自己熟悉的語言表達(dá)事例，適當(dāng)發(fā)揮，寫全要點(diǎn)，相信一定能寫出一篇內(nèi)容豐富的文章。

【注意事項(xiàng)】

1. 把標(biāo)題補(bǔ)充完整;

2.確定好寫作體裁，把握好寫作方向;

3. 講述故事情節(jié)要生動(dòng)，富有真情實(shí)感，詳略得當(dāng);

4.用第一人稱寫作，一般文中用到一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)和一般過去時(shí)。

【習(xí)作展示】

Good living Habits Make Me Healthier

Good living habits are important in our lives. They have an influence on us a lot in many ways. ①As high school student， I have some good living habits. Let me share them with everyone.

②First of all， do sports is an important part of our healthy life. I never stay up late， so I get up so early every day and then run for half an hour. I often play ball games with my classmates at school. ③Sports make me happier and stronger.

Secondly， good eating habits are necessary. ④As the saying goes， “An apple a day keeps the doctor away me.” I usually eat healthy food， such as fruit and vegetables， but I refuse to eat junk food. Now I look healthier than before.

⑤As you can see， good living habits help me live a wonderful life.

【亮點(diǎn)分析】

①句寫得恰到好處，既承接上句又為開啟本文的話題做了鋪墊。但是美中不足的是As high school student這句表示有誤，可以改為As a high school student。

②句中First of all是過渡性詞語，增強(qiáng)了文章的連貫性和可讀性。但是句中do sports是動(dòng)詞短語不可作主語，應(yīng)改為doing sports或to do sports非謂語動(dòng)詞形式作主語。

③句中“make sb adj.”這一句型的運(yùn)用，表達(dá)簡(jiǎn)潔明了，彰顯了作者較強(qiáng)的語言駕馭能力，同時(shí)也使本句充滿生機(jī)，富有活力。

④句寫得漂亮，用諺語強(qiáng)調(diào)了“科學(xué)的飲食習(xí)慣有益于身體健康”這一看法，說服力強(qiáng)，表達(dá)充分，是本文的一個(gè)亮點(diǎn)。

⑤句表達(dá)簡(jiǎn)潔、地道，再次提到好習(xí)慣的益處，起到了畫龍點(diǎn)睛的作用。As you can see的使用引人注目，富有表達(dá)力。

總之，本文結(jié)構(gòu)清晰、主題突出明確、行文連貫、表達(dá)順暢，句式運(yùn)用嫻熟而精確。除去幾處小的瑕疵外，不失為一篇好文章。

【經(jīng)典范文】

Good Living Habits Make Me Healthy

Good living habits and good health are twins. Good living habits can make people healthy. For example， getting enough sleep， having breakfast， and doing exercise every day， these are good living habits. But some bad habits make people feel bad.

I had such an experience， in the past I often went to bed very late at night. So I felt very tired and sleepy the next day. I couldn’t learn well. So my mother ordered me to go to bed before 10 o’clock and little by little， I have formed this habit. Now I feel much better and I can learn well.

From my experience， I know having good living habits is important. And I am going to form more good living habits. I believe I will certainly have good living habits. I will have a strong body to have fun and be happy.