給自己的一封信：親愛的老爸，你全都做錯啦

Dear Dad，

Youre doing it all wrong.

Eleven years ago， the doctors handed you a little， pink 1）bundle of 2）vulnerability. You were 26 years old， and you walked out of the hospital entirely responsible for a brand new human being. A whole person. As if that were a totally 3）sane thing to let you do. It scared you. They eventually handed you two more little people. It was supposed to get a little easier each time.

It didnt.

You never got less afraid. You never got more certain about how to be a dad. So you decided to 4）make it up along the way. You can stop feeling bad about that—its what everybody else is doing， too. The problem is， you listened to the voices in the world around you， instead of listening to the voice coming from the world within you. You can forgive yourself for that， too. The voices around you are loud and hard to ignore.

They told you 5）achievement matters most. So you stressed about 6）school districts and kindergarten homework and guitar 7）recitals. You secretly kept score in your head at first grade soccer games. You thought scoring goals was the goal of life.

But can you remember？

Can you remember what it was like to be just a few years out of 8）diapers and to score a goal on the soccer field？ You didnt care about the score and you didnt start planning for your future soccer 9）scholarship. No， you 10）whipped your head around to be sure they were looking. The real goal was to be seen. The real goal was to have someone to celebrate with.

Dad， you can stop spending all your time trying to get them into school， and you can start taking the time to walk them to school.

They told you good parents give their kids great experiences. So you turned yourself into an event planner and a part-time personal driver. You 11）signed them up for camps， 12）sampled after-school activities like a 13）smorgasbord， and went to every possible program and event. You went to 14）Legoland because you thought you had to. And then you wondered why the kids were tired and unhappy.

Outward experience is where we find 15）thrills， but inward experience is where we find a home.

Dad， your kids dont need you to help them live the fullest life; they need you to help them find the deepest life. You dont have to show them the world; you just have to listen to the world going on inside of them.

Dear Dad， I just watched a movie that ended with this thought： “We dont 16）seize the moment; the moments seize us.” Dad， youre doing it all wrong. Stop trying to seize every moment. Stop trying to make your childrens lives 17）extraordinary. Instead， allow every ordinary moment to seize you. Your kids lives are 18）unfolding one moment at a time， and the thing they want most is also the thing they need most.

They want you to be a witness. To their passing moments.

They want you to pay attention. To their 19）fleeting lives.

Dad， it may be just another hurried Tuesday morning to you， but to them its another morning to wonder if you notice. Another morning to wonder if theyll have a place to belong. Another morning to wonder if they are beloved. Another morning to wonder about the purpose of this one wild life. Another morning for you to join them in all their becoming. Another morning in which you are the most important man they know.

Im guessing that may be a little 20）overwhelming.

Be overwhelmed， Dad.

Let the moments roll over you and be overwhelmed by the 21）sacredness of every single one. Pay attention like their lives depend upon it， because they feel like their lives do depend upon it.

Be still. Notice. Join.

In the end， Dad， it may be the only part of being a dad that really matters.

With love，

You

親愛的老爸：

你全都做錯啦。

十一年前，醫(yī)生們遞給你一個包著脆弱小人兒的粉紅小包裹。那時的你才26歲，走出醫(yī)院后卻要完完全全地對一個全新的人類生命負責——一個完完整整的人。似乎讓你做那樣的事是完全合乎情理的，但你卻被嚇壞了。最終，他們又交給你另外兩個小人兒。按理說，你應(yīng)該會依次變得輕松一點兒。

但你沒有。

你的恐懼從未減少。對于如何當一個父親你也從來沒有什么把握。于是你決定，邊學邊做。你不用對此感到難過——其他人也是這樣做的。問題是，你總是聽你周圍的聲音，卻不去聆聽發(fā)自內(nèi)心深處的那個聲音。對于這一點，你也可以原諒自己。畢竟，你周圍的聲音是那么大，又那么讓人難以忽視。

他們告訴你成績最重要。所以你為了孩子們的學區(qū)、幼兒園作業(yè)和吉他獨奏會操碎了心。你還偷偷記下他們一年級足球比賽時的得分。你認為進球得分就是人生的目標。

可是，你還記得嗎？

你還記得自己剛剛擺脫尿布沒幾年就在足球場上進球時的情形嗎？那時的你不關(guān)心得分，也沒開始為未來的足球獎學金做打算。沒有，你四處張望，確認他們都在看著。你真正的目標，是被看見。真正的目標，是有人和你一起慶祝。

老爸，別再把所有時間都花在讓他們讀好的學校上了，現(xiàn)在你可以花些時間陪孩子們一起走路上學。

他們告訴你，好的父母應(yīng)該給予孩子們美好的體驗。于是你把自己變成一名活動策劃者和一個兼職的私人司機。你給孩子們報名參加了露營，讓他們?nèi)ンw驗像大雜燴般多樣的課外活動，盡可能地參加每一個節(jié)目和活動。你帶他們?nèi)犯邩穲@，因為你覺得你們必須去。然后你感到很困惑，為什么孩子們會如此疲倦不堪、悶悶不樂？

外在的體驗讓我們找到刺激，但內(nèi)在的體驗才是家之所在。

老爸，孩子們不需要你幫助他們過上最充實的生活;他們需要你幫他們找到生命的真諦。你不需要向他們展示這個世界;你只需要聆聽他們的內(nèi)心世界。

親愛的老爸，我曾看過一部電影，它在結(jié)尾處表達了這樣一種思想：“不是我們抓住當下，而是當下抓住我們。”老爸，你全都做錯啦。別再試圖抓住每一個瞬間，也別再試著讓你的孩子過上非凡的生活了。相反，讓每一個平凡的瞬間抓住你吧。孩子們的生活會一步步地展開，他們最想要的東西也正是他們最需要的。

他們希望你做一個見證人，見證他們逝去的瞬間。

他們希望你做一個關(guān)注者，關(guān)注他們稍縱即逝的生活。

老爸，對你來說，這或許只是另一個匆忙的星期二早晨，但對他們來說，這又是另一個想知道你是否注意到他們的早晨;另一個想知道他們是否有歸屬的早晨;另一個想知道他們是否被愛著的早晨;另一個想知道這種瘋狂生活的意義何在的早晨。對你來說，這是另一個你參與他們所有成長變化的早晨。另一個你成為他們最重要的人的早晨。

我猜這可能有點難以應(yīng)付吧。

招架不住就招架不住吧，老爸。

讓那些瞬間在你身上打滾，讓每一個神圣的瞬間淹沒你吧。給予他們關(guān)注，就像他們的生活依賴于這份關(guān)注一樣。因為他們的生活確實依賴你的關(guān)注。

靜下心來，關(guān)注他們，融入他們。

老爸，到頭來，這也許才是作為一個父親最重要的部分。

愛你的，自己

注釋：

1） bundle n. 捆，包

2） vulnerability n. 脆弱性，弱點

3） sane a. 神志清楚的，合乎情理的

4） make up 補足，彌補

5） achievement n. 成就，成績

6） school district 學區(qū)

7） recital n. 朗誦，獨奏會

8） diaper n. 尿布

9） scholarship n. 獎學金

10） whip v. 鞭打，突然移動

11） sign up for 報名參加

12） sample v. 取樣，嘗試

13） smorgasbord n. 瑞典式自助餐，大雜燴

14） Legoland 樂高樂園

15） thrill n. 興奮，激動

16） seize v. 抓住

17） extraordinary a. 非凡的

18） unfold v. 打開，展開

19） fleeting a. 飛逝的，短暫的

20） overwhelm v. 淹沒，壓倒，制服

21） sacredness n. 神圣