金鈴子：我的內(nèi)心是條奔騰的河

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金鈴子

Jin Lingzi

金鈴子，原名蔣信琳，詩人，書畫家，中國作協(xié)會員，中國國家畫院曾來德工作室訪問學(xué)者。著有《奢華傾城》《曲有誤》《越人歌》《金鈴子詩書畫集》等。

Jin Lingzi, formerly known as Jiang Xinlin, is a poet,calligrapher and painter,a member of the China Writers Association, and a visiting scholar at the Zeng Laide Studio of China National Academy of Painting. Her works includesLuxurious City,Slipped Melody, Songs of the Yue Tribes and Collection of Poems, Books and Paintings of Jin Lingzi, etc.

在重慶，金鈴子的名字幾乎總是與詩歌同時出現(xiàn)。而當(dāng)詩人金鈴子拿起畫筆，染指油畫，呈現(xiàn)的又是怎樣一個畫家金鈴子呢？

在金鈴子家巨大的露臺見到她時，她正在繪制一幅有關(guān)多依河的作品，那是2018年3月她到云南采風(fēng)所獲得的靈感。金鈴子作畫喜歡用手多過用筆，只見她一手拿著調(diào)色盤，用手指沾滿顏料，在深色背景的畫布上，不斷點綴出白綠相間的塊狀色彩。不一會兒，一條被植物環(huán)繞的河流慢慢出現(xiàn)在畫布上。

站在她的畫前，看她一手一手地涂抹，聆聽她內(nèi)心的獨白，慢慢感受到，在金鈴子柔弱的外表下，包裹了一顆不羈的心，孤傲而狂野。那條流淌在畫布上的河，同樣在她心底暗流洶涌。

In Chongqing, Jin Lingzi's name almost invariably associates with poetry. And when the poet Jin Lingzi picked up the brush and tried her hands at oil painting,what kind of painter Jin Lingzi would her be?

At the large terrace of Jin Lingzi's house, she was seen drawing a painting about the Duoyi River,which was inspired by her trip to Yunnan to collect folk songs in March 2018. Jin Lingzi prefers to paint with her hands rather than with a brush. Holding a palette with one hand, she covered her fingers with paint,and continuously embellished the dark canvas with white-and-green color lumps. In a little while, a river surrounded by plants slowly appeared on the canvas.

Standing in front of her painting, watching her paint by hand and listening to her inner monologue,one would slowly felt that under Jin Lingzi's delicate appearance there was an unruly heart, aloof and wild.The river flowing on the canvas was also surging in her heart.

落木21 油畫 80×105cm 2010

畫出心里的色彩夢

Painting Her Colorful Dream

落木16 油畫 50×80cm

“每個人心里都有一個屬于色彩的夢，和很多小女孩一樣，我小時候也喜歡拿著筆涂鴉?！?金鈴子詩中神秘、瑰麗的畫面，正是源自于金鈴子頭腦里揮之不去的色彩夢想。“我一直想畫一個自己，一個披散著頭發(fā)，在沙漠中奮力狂奔的自己，也許我能，也許我不能?！?0年前，在參觀完一次畫展之后，金鈴子終于決定將自己的色彩夢付諸行動。

與許多科班出身的畫家不一樣，金鈴子畫畫從未拜師學(xué)藝，她是在涂涂抹抹中，探尋屬于自己的繪畫技法和感覺?！霸谖沂甑睦L畫過程中，總會找到自己的繪畫技巧。寫作和繪畫使用的語言不同，但言說的方式是相通的。我喜歡古人用的一個詞：秘響旁通。一個詩人如果真能旁通，技術(shù)就不是問題。”

不過，金鈴子也并不否認(rèn)，或許會有一個老師，在前面等著她，只是緣分還沒有到。

"Everyone has a dream for color in heart. Like many little girls, I liked doodling when I was little."The mysterious and magnificent images in Jin Lingzi's poems originate from her deeply rooted dream for painting. "I have always wanted to draw a selfportrait, with my hair draped and running through the desert, maybe I can, maybe I can't." Ten years ago, after visiting an art exhibition, Jin Lingzi finally decided to put her dream of painting into action.

Unlike many painters with professional training,Jin Lingzi has never studied art from a teacher.She used painting and daubing to explore her own painting techniques and feelings. "In course of my ten years of painting, I would always find my own painting skills. Writing and painting use different languages, but their ways of expression are interlinked. I love a term used by the ancients:inconspicuous sound leads to bypasses. If a poet can really comprehend by analogy, techniques will not be a problem. ”

However, Jin Lingzi does not deny that there might be a teacher waiting for her somewhere in the future, it's just that fate has not arrived yet.

我是一個苛刻的人

I'm A Harsh Person

完成了第一幅作品后，金鈴子的畫作也越來越多，不久便擁有了自己的第一本畫冊。

難以置信的是，這本畫冊里面百分之八十的畫曾被金鈴子親手毀掉了?！拔沂且粋€對自己苛刻，追求完美的人，這些作品或許開始你是滿意的，但是，時間是一個可怕的東西，讓你很快發(fā)現(xiàn)它們的缺點。比如今天我是滿意的、自足的，明天又會被‘無意思'‘沒意義'這兩個東西折磨，不管別人說畫得好還是差。只有自己在感覺惶恐時，那才是真正的惶恐。唯有銷毀它們，要對自己狠，才會找到出路。”

“一個苛刻的人”，這是采訪中金鈴子對自己描述最多的一句。這位留著長發(fā)笑容溫暖的女子，在骨子里卻有著不同于外表的堅持。

這種與生俱來的狠勁也隨時在逼迫著她。

為什么一直強迫自己不斷創(chuàng)作？除了金鈴子性格中的苛刻，繪畫也是她抒發(fā)內(nèi)心孤寂與掙扎的重要方式?！拔业膬?nèi)心有一條奔騰不息的河流，山高水急，隨時會把我淹死。我不斷在追逐我認(rèn)為的詩歌或者藝術(shù)，但總是無法真正靠近，你仿佛靠近它了，它又遠(yuǎn)了一步。你永遠(yuǎn)只能夠追求它，卻無法得到它，這是我的痛苦?！?/p>

金鈴子覺得，她仿佛在不斷打開門，可推開門后又會發(fā)現(xiàn)另一扇門，無窮無盡，看不到出口，也看不到盡頭。這讓她充滿焦慮，也催促著她不停奔跑。每完成一次創(chuàng)作，都會給她帶來極大的成就感和滿足感，然后又跌入谷底，如此循環(huán)往復(fù)，沒有窮盡。有一次，金鈴子完成了詩作《太陽普照》的配圖，激動得來回在客廳、露臺走動，嘴里念叨一句話“我為什么這樣厲害，為什么這樣厲害？”這一走就是三個小時。這種瘋狂狀態(tài)讓金鈴子一度疲憊不堪。

After finishing her first works, Jin Lingzi's paintings increased greatly, and soon she had her first album of painting.

However, it is unbelievable that 80% of the paintings in this album were destroyed by Jin Lingzi herself. "I am a person who is strict on myself and pursues perfection. You may be satisfied with these works at first, but time is a terrible thing that makes you discover their shortcomings quickly. For example, today I am satisfied and happy with it,and tomorrow I may be fretting myself with "boring"and "meaningless", no matter what others would say about the painting. Only the fear that you feel yourself, is the real fear. The only way out is to destroy them and to be harsh on yourself. ”

"A harsh person", is the most frequently term that Jin Lingzi used to describe herself in the interview.This lady, wearing long hair and warm smiles, has an inner persistence quite different from her appearance.

This inherent vicious force has also been chasing her.

Why do you force yourself to keep composing?Besides her harsh personality, painting is also an important means for her to express her loneliness and struggle. "In my heart there is a river running endlessly, with high mountains and rushing waters,where I might be drown any time. I'm constantly chasing what I think is poetry or art, but I can't really get close to it. You seem to get close to it, but it steps away further. It's my pain that you can always pursue it, but you can't get it. ”

Jin Lingzi felt that she seemed to be constantly opening doors, but when she opened it, she would find another door, without exit or end in sight. This filled her with anxiety and urged her to keep running.Each composition will bring her a great sense of achievement and satisfaction, and then she will fall to the bottom of the valley, and there is no end to the cycle. Once Jin Lingzi completed the layout of her poemThe Sun Shines. She was so excited that she walked back and forth in the living room and terrace.She said, "Why am I so formidable and why am I so formidable?" This walk took her three hours. This crazy state also made Jin Lingzi feel exhausted.

人面11 布面油畫 70×80cm 2010

我畫的是宇宙

I Draw the Universe

作為詩人，金鈴子寫出了《奢華傾城》《曲有誤》《越人歌》等膾炙人口的作品，還獲得了第二屆徐志摩詩歌獎，第七屆臺灣薛林青年詩歌獎等各類獎項。評論家高平對金鈴子的詩作有這樣的評價：其風(fēng)格與力度，與一般女詩人的柔、細(xì)、隱大不相同，它來不及讓你細(xì)細(xì)品味，而首先使你感到震撼?！叭说男愿衽c詩的風(fēng)格在這里得到了高度統(tǒng)一”這句評論，在金鈴子的畫作里也體現(xiàn)得淋漓盡致。

翻開金鈴子最新的畫冊《桃之夭夭》，大部分作品都是金鈴子復(fù)雜內(nèi)心世界的真實寫照，創(chuàng)作時間近十年?！拔业淖髌仿皆诔橄笈c具體之間，就像生活本身就是一個夾雜著真實和虛幻的矛盾體?！?/p>

這本畫作分五個系列，每個系列都有典故：“落木”出自唐代詩人杜甫的《登高》名句“無邊落木蕭蕭下，不盡長江滾滾來”，以果實和樹木等為表現(xiàn)對象；“鳳兮”出自漢代詩人司馬相如的《鳳求凰》“鳳兮鳳兮歸故鄉(xiāng)，遨游四海求其凰”；“本象”似像非像變形的人體，扭曲的姿態(tài)，給人無限的張力與想象空間；“人面”畫面的構(gòu)成如同面具一般，是對潛意識的呈現(xiàn)；“獸影”源于中國傳統(tǒng)的十二生肖?！短抑藏病返拿恳粋€小封面都是金鈴子精心設(shè)計的，取材于自己房間的各個角落。

金鈴子最喜歡的作品是《本象》，把自己身上的紋身用作了《本象》的小封?！八昧宋易钌畹那楦?。”

2018年12月23日下午，《桃之夭夭——金鈴子油畫作品展》在重慶開幕，每當(dāng)參觀者詢問金鈴子畫作表達的意境時，金鈴子總是那句話：我畫的是宇宙。

As a poet, Jin Lingzi wrote such well-known works asLuxurious City,Slipped MelodyandSong of the Yue Tribes. She also won various awards such as the 2nd Xu Zhimo Poetry Award and the 7th Taiwan Xuelin Youth Poetry Award and others. Commentator Gao Ping made comments on Jin Lingzi's poems that:its styles and strengths are quite different from that of ordinary poetesses in terms of softness, thinness and concealment. It will first amaze you before you savor it in details. The comment that "poet's character and poetic style are highly unified here" is also fully reflected in Jin Lingzi's paintings.

Opening Jin Lingzi's latest albumPeach Blossoms,Most of the works are the true portrayal of Jin Lingzi's sophisticated inner world which took her nearly ten years to finish. "My works often wanders between the abstract and the concrete, just like life itself that is a contradiction mixed with the real and the unreal. ”

落木28 布面油畫 60×140cm 2018

This painting has five series, each has its own allusions: "Falling Wood" comes from the famous lines "leaves are continuing to fall endlessly, while I watch the Yangtze River rolling eastwards" inClimbing Highby poet Du Fu of Tang Dynasty, which takes fruits and trees as its objects of expression. "Ode To Phoenix" comes from "Phoenix, Phoenix, returns to its hometown and roams all over the world to seek its mate" inPhoenix Love Storyby poet Sima Xiangru of Han Dynasty. "The Self Portrait" looks like a deformed human body and its twisted posture impresses people with unlimited tension and imagination. The composition of the "Human Face" looks like a mask,delivering the presentation of the subconscious."Beast Shadows" originates from the traditional twelve Chinese zodiac signs. Every sub-cover ofPeach Blossomswas carefully designed by Jin Lingzi and was drawn from every corner of her room.

Jin Lingzi's favorite is Self Portrait, using her tattoo as a sub-cover forSelf Portrait. "It carries my deepest emotion."

On the afternoon of December 23, 2018, thePeach Blossoms - Jin Lingzi Oil Painting Exhibitionopened in Chongqing Shangdao Culture Exhibition Hall.Whenever visitors asked about the artistic conception expressed by Jin Lingzi's paintings, Jin Lingzi would always say these words: I draw the universe.