Myths About Happiness Everyone Should Stop Believing不應(yīng)相信的幸福神話

文/梅甘·布魯諾 譯/鄭淑明 周鴻雁

By Megan Bruneau

幸福是棵正兒八經(jīng)的搖錢樹。世界各地的人們花費(fèi)數(shù)千億美元來躲避難關(guān)、尋求快樂，要么服用處方藥、瘋狂節(jié)食和健身，要么求助久經(jīng)考驗(yàn)的長(zhǎng)生不老藥——酒精。

[2]作為心理治療師，我?guī)椭藗兲嵘w幸福的層次。我?guī)缀趼犝f過所有關(guān)于幸福的神話。而最糟糕的是，這些神話其實(shí)會(huì)讓你不幸福（亂了，是嗎？）——所以，擺脫這些神話，反而是尋找幸福的一部分。

實(shí)現(xiàn)了（你追求的目標(biāo)），你就會(huì)幸福

[3]無論是職務(wù)晉升、尋得伴侶、購(gòu)得跑車、體重達(dá)標(biāo)，還是擁有公寓——實(shí)現(xiàn)了，你就會(huì)感受到無限的幸福。嘿，相信這種神話并不是你的錯(cuò)，因?yàn)槟阋怀錾捅还噍斄诉@種美國(guó)夢(mèng)。

Happiness is a serious moneymaker.People around the world spend hundreds of billions of dollars trying to avoid the tough stuff and feel good about themselves, whether that’s through prescription1prescription處方藥。pills, going crazy with dieting and fitness, or that timetested elixir2elixir長(zhǎng)生不老藥；靈丹妙藥。of life: alcohol.

[2] As a psychotherapist3psychotherapist心理治療師。who helps people bump their overall happiness level up4bump up 抬高，增大，提升。a few notches5notch 等級(jí)，水平。, I’ve heard pretty much6pretty much〈口〉幾乎，差不多。all of the myths out there about happiness.The worst part is that these myths actually make you unhappy (messed up, right?)—so ditching them is,paradoxically, part of fi nding happiness.

When you achieve [whatever goal you’re going after], you’ll be happy

[3] Land the promotion, the spouse,the Lambo7Lamborghini的縮寫，跑車品牌蘭博基尼。, the goal weight, the condo8condo公寓。,whatever it is—you’ll fi nally experience eternal happiness. Hey, it’s not your fault for believing this, since you’ve likely been fed the American dream since the moment you escaped from the womb.

[4] But this logic is flawed. Achievements don’t protect you from feeling like crap9crap廢物。, and they def i nitely don’t make you superhuman. Multimillionaires still get depressed. People with “perfect”bodies still get dumped. Steady, passive income10即不需要花費(fèi)時(shí)間和精力就可以自動(dòng)獲得的收入。doesn’t protect you from losing someone to cancer. If you can start appreciating where you are, rather than basing your sense of fulfillment on some future accomplishment, you’ll be much closer to happiness.

[4]但它的邏輯漏洞百出。即使取得各種成就，也并不會(huì)讓你感覺良好，更絕對(duì)不會(huì)讓你變成超人。百萬富翁也會(huì)有心情抑郁的時(shí)候。擁有“完美”身材的人也會(huì)失戀。穩(wěn)定、被動(dòng)的收入不會(huì)保證你身邊的人不因癌癥去世。如果你能開始欣賞目前的處境，而不是依賴還未實(shí)現(xiàn)的某項(xiàng)成就帶來的滿足感，你就會(huì)離幸福更近。

遇到了對(duì)的人，你就會(huì)幸福

[5]如果你認(rèn)為只有談戀愛才能幸福，那你會(huì)在單身時(shí)感到空虛，還很可能感到焦慮。毫無疑問，一段良好的戀愛關(guān)系能在很多方面讓你的人生更棒，但這并不是必要條件。事實(shí)上，相比起單身，很多人在戀愛中感到更加孤獨(dú)、更加與世隔絕。

[6]當(dāng)你感到不幸福，你會(huì)很自然地怪罪于情感狀態(tài)，但是，請(qǐng)不要這樣做，而要想其他辦法滿足你的需要，而不是等待你的“靈魂伴侶”突然出現(xiàn)在你面前，畢竟你的人生不是約翰·庫(kù)薩克的電影。要知道，方法就在你的掌控中。

When you fi nd the right person, you’ll be happy

[5] If you think being in a relationship11in a relationship與某人在一段關(guān)系中，即戀愛。is necessary for happiness, you’re going to feel inadequate12inadequate不夠的；能力不足的。and probably anxious when you’re single. There’s no doubt a strong relationship can make your life better in a lot of ways, but it’s certainly not a requirement. In fact, many people feel lonelier and more disconnected in a relationship than outside of one.

[6] When you’re unhappy, it’s natural to blame your relationship status, but try not to—instead of waiting for your“soulmate” to bump into you like your life is a John Cusack13約翰·庫(kù)薩克，美國(guó)演員、編劇、制片人。movie, see if there are other ways to meet your needs. You know, ways that are in your control.

擁有伴侶就是讓自己幸福

[7]戀愛樂趣更多！這就是神話，主要是因?yàn)橐韵氯c(diǎn)：第一，只有在總有蝴蝶和彩虹的夢(mèng)幻世界里，你的伴侶才可能永遠(yuǎn)讓你幸福。事實(shí)上，伴侶有時(shí)會(huì)把你煩得半死；有時(shí)候你會(huì)非常厭煩他們；有時(shí)候你又會(huì)感覺自己受到了冷落。

[8]第二，愛情無法戰(zhàn)勝一切。抱歉，這可能毀了你約翰·庫(kù)薩克電影般的幻想（又一次）。無論你多么愛對(duì)方，愛情往往解決不了每一次沖突：決定要孩子，異地生活而無遷居計(jì)劃，或者不相信一夫一妻制。這個(gè)清單根本列不完。

[9]最后，如上所述：無論是否戀愛，你都應(yīng)該找到讓自己幸福的方式。

The only thing that matters in a partner is that he or she makes you happy

[7] More relationship fun! This one is just mythical, for three main reasons: first, because only in a world of constant butterflies and rainbows is a partner going to make you soooo happy all the time. In reality, sometimes they’re going to annoy the shit out of you. Sometimes you’re going to feel super turned off by them. Sometimes you’re going to feel underappreciated14underappreciated不受重視的，失寵的。.

[8] Second, love doesn’t conquer all.Sorry to ruin that John Cusack movie for you (again). No matter how much you love someone, it usually doesn’t resolve a conf l ict over deciding to have kids, or living on different sides of the world with no plans to move, or not believing in monogamy15monogamy一夫一妻制；單配偶。. The list is limitless.

[9] Finally, see above: you should find ways to be happy regardless of your relationship.

Being happy means you’ll never feel like crap

[10] It’s no coincidence that a lot of these myths are cliches16cliche陳腔濫調(diào)。from fairytales,and nowhere is that more evident than humankind’s steadfast belief in happy endings. No! Not that kind!

[11] The “happily ever after” stuff just isn’t real. To be human is to feel,and it’s a guarantee that you’ll feel disappointment, loss, anger, guilt,sadness, fear, conflict, embarrassment,frustration, and so on and so on. These feelings are universal; happiness is about being able to make space for ALL these shitty emotions, not just the positive ones. They’re not a sign of brokenness or pathology. They mean you’re not a robot or a psychopath17psychopath精神病患者，精神變態(tài)者。.

感覺幸福意味著永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)心情糟糕

[10]許多這樣的神話都是來自童話故事的陳腔濫調(diào)，這絕不是巧合——沒有什么比人們對(duì)美好結(jié)局的向往更堅(jiān)定。不！可不是那么回事！

[11]“幸福永存”之類的話根本就是假的。人生在世就是要體驗(yàn)。你肯定會(huì)體驗(yàn)到失望、失落、憤怒、愧疚、悲傷、恐懼、矛盾、尷尬、挫折，等等。這些情緒人皆有之；幸福是能夠包容所有這些糟糕情緒，而不僅僅是那些積極的情緒。這些情感不是衰弱或者病態(tài)的象征，而是意味著你不是機(jī)器人或者精神病人。

真正的幸福不需要他人或成就來證明

[12]達(dá)成目標(biāo)未必能帶來幸福，但這并不意味著完全與世界隔離才能心滿意足。人們需要相互聯(lián)系，如果你碰巧期待成家或者確實(shí)以獲得工作晉升為樂，并不表明你不幸福。不要把這與戀愛混為一談，不過它會(huì)讓你更有人情味，無論是通過柏拉圖式的友誼、志愿者活動(dòng)、集郵者二手市集、西洋雙陸棋俱樂部，或者你喜歡的任何方式。

True happiness doesn’t need any validation from external people or achievements

[12] Just because achieving your goals won’t bring you happiness doesn’t mean that a total detachment18detachment分離，脫離。from the world is a sign of true contentedness.Humans need connection, and it’s not a sign of unhappiness if you happen to want a family or really take pleasure in getting a promotion at work.Don’t confuse this with a romantic connection, though—the essential thing here is that connection makes you more human, whether that’s through platonic friendships, volunteering, stamp collector swap meets19swap meet二手貨交換市場(chǎng)，舊貨出售會(huì)。, a backgammon20西洋雙陸棋，一種擲骰子決定棋子行進(jìn)的兩人游戲。club, or whatever you enjoy.

幸福只是一種心態(tài)

[13]沒什么比“選擇幸?！被蛘摺靶腋＞驮谀愕哪X中”這樣的“雞湯文”更讓我生氣了。你知道這樣的話會(huì)讓心情沮喪或者焦慮的人怎么想嗎？簡(jiǎn)直是一派胡言。

[14]你的觀點(diǎn)的確會(huì)對(duì)情緒產(chǎn)生重要的影響，但是荷爾蒙、神經(jīng)遞質(zhì)、睡眠、鍛煉、飲食、藥物、失戀、死亡、壓力、過渡、那部讓你聊個(gè)不停的約翰·庫(kù)薩克電影，都可能引起你情緒的變化——明白了吧。

[15]你根本無法“選擇”幸福。當(dāng)你感到焦慮或低落的時(shí)候，不要告訴自己幸福就在你腦中，而要學(xué)會(huì)自我同情，和那些不因你情緒低落而評(píng)判你的人做朋友，同時(shí)考慮除“你的態(tài)度”之外其他所有可能影響你情緒的原因。

Happiness is merely a state of mind

[13] There are few things that get me more riled up than “inspirational” quotes like “Choose happiness” or “It’s all in your head.” You know how that makes a person with depression or anxiety feel?REALLY FUCKING SHITTY.

[14] Of course your outlook has a significant impact on mood, but so do hormones21hormone激素，荷爾蒙。, neurotransmitters22neurotransmitter神經(jīng)傳遞素。, sleep,exercise, diet, drugs, breakups, death,stress, transition, that John Cusack movie you can’t stop talking about—you get the idea.

[15] You can’t just “choose” happiness.Rather than telling yourself it’s all in your head when you’re feeling anxious or low, practice self-compassion, hang around23hang around 閑逛，徘徊。with people who won’t judge you if you’re not a ball of positivity, and consider all the other reasons besides“your attitude” that might be contributing to your mood.

Gratitude will make you happier

[16] Have you ever felt really crappy,and some well-meaning person attempts to cheer you up by saying, “Be grateful for what you have!” Or, “Those are first-world problems!” Well, problems are still problems, and telling yourself you should feel differently is a recipe for adding shame on top of everything else. So now you’re not only feeling sad, anxious, or lonely—you’re ashamed, too.

[17] There’s no doubt that practicing gratitude can make you happier,especially when you’re doing it after waking up on the right side of the bed. But when you’re feeling low or anxious or heartbroken, there’s an art to it. Don’t beat yourself up because there are millions of people around the world whose lives are worse than yours.Otherwise, it could make you feel even worse.

[18] So, the next time you find yourself seeking happiness, doublecheck to make sure you’re not looking in all these wrong places. ■

感恩會(huì)讓你更幸福

[16]在你心情十分糟糕的時(shí)候，是否有好心人試圖鼓勵(lì)你說：“要感激現(xiàn)在擁有的一切！”或者“那是些無足輕重的第一世界問題！”但是，問題還是問題。最有可能的是，告訴自己應(yīng)該與眾不同，而這一秘訣就是首先讓自己感到羞愧。所以，現(xiàn)在你不僅僅感到悲傷、焦慮或孤獨(dú)——你還感到羞愧。

[17]毫無疑問，學(xué)會(huì)感恩會(huì)讓你更加幸?！绕涫钱?dāng)你心懷感恩地在愛人身邊醒來時(shí)。但是，你感到低落、焦慮或者心碎時(shí)，也有招對(duì)付。不要被這種情緒擊倒，因?yàn)槭澜缟线€有數(shù)百萬人過的比你慘。否則，這會(huì)讓你感覺更糟。

[18]所以，下次發(fā)現(xiàn)自己在尋找幸福的時(shí)候，要反復(fù)確認(rèn)——是否在這些方面出了問題。 □