親愛的日記，麻煩你告訴我的鏟屎官

繪◎盒子菌

Dear diary,

My food dish is now only half full. It is obvious①obvious 英 ['?bv??s] 美 ['ɑbv??s] adj. 明顯的；顯著的that I will soon starve to death. I have repeatedly②repeatedly 英 [r?'pi?t?dl?] 美 [r?'pit?dli]adv. 反復(fù)地；再三地；屢次地tried to draw attention to my predicament with the authorities but they are clearly either stupid, deaf,or just cruel.This may be my last entry.

Dear diary,

It has come to my attention that the authorities③authorities 英 [??'θ?r?t?z] 美 [?'θ?r?t?z]n. 當(dāng)局，官方（authority的復(fù)數(shù)）have two hands but seem to have made it the sadistic policy only to pet me with one of them at that time. Half of love is just, lo- , which is how I feel. My spirit is beakng.

親愛的日記：

朕的伙食每頓減為半碗貓糧，長(zhǎng)此以往朕命不久矣。朕數(shù)次向當(dāng)局反應(yīng)我的困境，但顯然，他們不是太蠢就是聾，或者只是冷血?dú)埲?。這篇日記很可能成為朕的絕筆。親愛的日記：

朕敏銳地發(fā)現(xiàn)鏟屎官有兩只手，卻竟敢一次只用一只手來撫摸朕，減半的愛就是“唉”，一如朕現(xiàn)在的心情，站在崩潰的邊緣。

親愛的日記：

昨天朕不過就申請(qǐng)開下花園大門，然而似乎出于純粹的惡意，鏟屎官拒絕將門開得久一些，讓寡人思考外出的必要性。出？還是不出去？出？還是不出去……

親愛的日記：

松鼠君今日又來拜訪，譏笑寡人，朕用了四個(gè)小時(shí)竭盡所能平息怒火、梳理玉體。

親愛的日記：

朕數(shù)次出征襲擊恐怖植物，如今前功盡棄，冥冥之中，似乎有一股邪惡的力量從中作梗，助其綿延不絕，朕唯有再次出擊，一如西西弗斯，循環(huán)煉獄之苦。

Dear diary,

Yesterday I put in a simple request regarding the door to the garden but seemingly out of sheer④sheer英 [???] 美 [??r] adj. 絕對(duì)的；透明的；峻峭的；純粹的adv. 完全；陡峭地spite the authorities refused to hold the door open long enough for me to decide whether to go outside or inside, or outside, or inside.

Dear diary,

The squirrel was back again today.It mocks⑤mock英 [m?k] 美 [mɑk] vt. 愚弄，嘲弄me. I will try and release my mind from this torment and groom myself. For four hours.

Dear diary,

My attempts to destroy the terrible plant have all been for naught⑥naught英 [n??t] 美 [n?t] n. 零；無價(jià)值adj. 無價(jià)值的；無用的. somehow,almost as if by some evil magic, a new one has appeared in its place. I will have to start over now. Like Sisyphus⑦Sisyphus ['sisif?s]n. 【希臘神話】西緒福斯(科林斯國的暴君，死后入地獄被罰做永無休止的推巨石苦工),I am bound to hell.