YOU’VE GOT QUESTIONS, SHE’S GOT ANSWERS (BUT YOU PROBABLY WON’T LIKE THEM)

麻煩阿姨AGONY AYI

YOU’VE GOT QUESTIONS, SHE’S GOT ANSWERS (BUT YOU PROBABLY WON’T LIKE THEM)

Why do peopIe have to taIk so Ioud on their phones when they are on the train? It bothers me! I pIan to stand up next time and ask them to keep it to themseIves. What do you recommend?

MobiIe Man

Shut up and be a good 傾聽者 (qīngtīngzhě, listener)! These passengers are nice enough to 開誠布公 (kāichéng bùgōng, speak frankly and sincerely) in front a group of total 陌生人(mòshēngrén, strangers). The least you can do is satisfy your appetite for 八卦 (bāguà, gossip); it’s what they would want. Throw in some advice, too. For the girl who’s complaining about her cheating boyfriend, tell her just break up with that花心大蘿卜 (huāxīn dàluóbo, flower-hearted radish, playboy). For the man closing a business deal, walk up to him and yell, “還錢! (Huánqián! Give my money back!)” Don’t be afraid of getting told off. It was going to happen anyway.

Wise Ayi, I wouId Iike to know if you have any suggestions for Iiving a green Iife. I Iive in Beijing and want to cut my carbon footprint.

Jim Green

If you live in Beijing, you are already very 環(huán)境友好 (huánjìng yǒuhǎo, environmentally friendly). Think about it, you share an apartment with several other people and you don’t own a car. You take the subway or bus for your 通勤 (tōngqín, commute), which often go out of their limited capacity to stuff inside as many passengers as possible. The only way you can be greener is to 屏住呼吸 (bǐngzhù hūxī, hold your breath) altogether, which is not a bad idea considering the smog. That being said, you can always give up the modern way of living and move to a village without electricity.

My girIfriend is obsessed with onIine shopping. She often spends her entire month’s saIary on cIothes, shoes, and makeup. My mum is not happy about it, saying she wiII ruin my Iife if we ever get married. What shouId I do?

Thrifty Tang

Are you kidding me? You deserve to 孤獨終老 (gūdú zhōnglǎo, grow old and die alone). Look at all the 單身狗(dānshēngǒu, single dogs, single people), you are going to be one of them if you ever dare to mention it in front of her. Haven’t you heard the old saying? 女為悅己者容 (Nǚ wèi yuè jǐ zhě róng, ladies try to look good for those who please them.) You should be 感激涕零 (gǎnjī tìlíng, shedding tears of gratitude). So go be a real man, and make more money for her to spend!

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Two modern faces of an ancient city: A bird’s-eye view of the sparkling Qianjiang CBD by the Qiantang River; the Hangzhou Tower (right) shopping complex stands by the Grand Canal