THE WAYOF THESCISSOR

BY SUN JlAHUl （孫佳慧）

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THE WAYOF THESCISSOR

BY SUN JlAHUl （孫佳慧）

How to get through your next haircut

如何拒絕“辦卡”，從發(fā)廊全身而退？

“Would you like to buy a membership card？”“Yào bàn zhāng huìyuánkǎ ma？”

“要辦張會員卡嗎？”

If you hear this infernal message more than three times in quick

succession， you're almost certainly in a hair salon. The moment your hand hits the door， you'll be whacked in the face by queries from your hairstylist. These creatures can take many shapes：garrulous， bossy， hateful， laconic—but always somewhat annoyed.

They usually， for no reason that can be discerned by any logical creature，have English names despite not speaking English.

Within seconds， they judge your taste， manipulate your choice， and seize on every spare moment to sell you a goddamned membership card！

Let's begin with the control freak stylist. They try to control everything，from how much needs trimmed to whether you should have bangs. You may be the customer， but they are the Emeritus Professor of Dead Protein Growing Out of Scalps， all hail.

Stylist： I don't think it would look good on you. You are really pretty with long hair. Wǒ juéde duǎnfà bú shìhé nǐ. Nǐ liú chángfà hǎokàn.

我覺得短發(fā)不適合你。你留長發(fā)好看。

You： But I want to try short hair.

Dàn wǒ xiǎng chángshì yíxià duǎnfà.

但我想嘗試一下短發(fā)。

S： You will regret it！ It is not easy to get such long hair！

Nǐ huì hòuhuǐ de！ Tóufa liú zhème cháng duō bù róngyi！

你會后悔的！頭發(fā)留這么長多不容易！

Y： I won't. I am sure.

Wǒ kěndìng búhuì hòuhuǐ.

我肯定不會后悔。

SOME HAlRSTYLlSTS SEEM TO THlNk cUTTlNG YOUR HAlR lS A LlFE OR DEATH DEclSlON-WHlcH lT MlGHT BE lF THEY DON'T SHUT UP

S： At least keep it shoulder-length， which is in fashion this year.

Zhìshǎo liú dào jiānbǎng nàme cháng ba， jīnnián hěn liúxíng.

至少留到肩膀那么長吧，今年很流行。

Some hairstylists seem to think cutting your hair is a life or death decision—which it might be if they don't shut up. On the bright side，these are the folks that will take your hair seriously， even if you don't. But，don't argue that you're right. Try

t

o think of a special reason for your haircut.

Stylist： Short hair isn't right for your face.

Duǎnfà bú shìhé nǐ de liǎnxíng.

短發(fā)不適合你的臉型。

You： It doesn't matter. I want it cut because I need a new start for my broken heart.

Méi guānxi. Wǒ jiǎn duǎnfà shì yīnwèi wǒ shī liàn le，xūyào yí gè xīn de kāishǐ.

沒關系。我剪短發(fā)是因為我失戀了，需要一個新的開始。

Yes， that's a lie （probably）. But don't feel guilty. That person has a blade next to your head， so use whatever method of mollifcation you can. Other excuses include moving to another city， fnding a new job， or the preference of your new lover.

The control freak is easy enough to deal with. They're， at the very least， professional. However， some hairdressers can just be offensive.

S： Which salon did it for you？ Never go there again.

Zài nǎ jiā lǐfàdiàn tàng de a？ Yǐhòu bié zài qù le.

在哪家理發(fā)店燙的??？以后別再去了。

Y： I don't think they are that bad. Maybe it's just my hair's problem.

Wǒ juéde tāmen hái kěyǐ. Kěnéng shì wǒ tóufa de wèntí.

我覺得他們還可以。可能是我頭發(fā)的問題。

S： Your hair needs some better treatment. You can buy a membership card here and have some hair care every week.

Nǐ de tóufa xūyào gèng hǎo de bǎoyǎng. Nǐ kěyǐ zài wǒmen zhèlǐ bàn yì zhāng huìyuánkǎ， měizhōu guò lái zuò hùlǐ.

你的頭發(fā)需要更好的保養(yǎng)，你可以在我們這里辦一張會員卡，每周過來做護理。

You can't even scowl because they can see you in the mirror， and if you stay quiet， you might hear：

Women shouldn't be lazy. Nǚrén jiùshì bùnéng lǎn.

女人就是不能懶。

Let's not discuss why “women” can't be lazy and concentrate on the smooth slip of the membership card mention. You've been insulted， condemned，and insulted again and he still thinks you'll buy the membership card. The solution is very easy， when they beginto criticize your previous stylist， you can say：

I won't visit them again because they kept trying to sell me a membership card！

Wǒ búhuì zài qù tāmen diàn le， tāmen yìzhí tuīxiāo huìyuánkǎ.

我不會再去他們店了，他們一直推銷會員卡。

That might shut them up for a while， but remember that most hair salon staff are， frst and foremost，salespeople. You're a target the moment you step into the room.

Beware the dreaded up-sell. A staff member may come to simply wash your hair. They'll hold up a bottle of shampoo and ask， “Do you think this shampoo is okay？” You give it a glance and say it's fne， but when you're done，you're going to notice a big， fat fee for that fancy shampoo. No one told you because you didn't ask. The tricks don't end there. Even if you learn your lesson and ask about the price，

they will still be ready for you.

Staff： I'd like to recommend our senior stylist Tony for you.

Wǒ xiàng nín tuījiàn wǒmen de gāojí fàxíngshī Tuōní.

我向您推薦我們的高級發(fā)型師托尼。

You： How much is it？

Duōshao qián？

多少錢？

S： The basic haircut is 100 RMB. Jiǎnfà yìbǎi yuán.

剪發(fā)一百元。

Y： Is there a cheaper option？Yǒu gèng piányi de ma？

有更便宜的嗎？

S： We also have 80 RMB and 60 RMB

packages. But Tony is very experienced，especially for dyeing and perming hair. You can also have a perm.

Háiyǒu bāshí hé liùshí de. Dàn Tuōní jīngyàn fēicháng fēngfù， tèbié shì rǎnfà tàngfà. Nǐ yě kěyǐ tàng yíxià.

還有八十和六十的。但托尼經(jīng)驗非常豐富，特別是染發(fā)燙發(fā)。你也可以燙一下。

Y： Then how much is it for the perm？

Tàngfà duōshao qián？

燙發(fā)多少錢？

S： Well， they are 400 RMB， 600 RMB， and 800 RMB. The processing agents are different. The more expensive， the better it is for your hair.

Yǒu sìbǎi、liùbǎi hé bābǎi de. Tàngfàjì bù yíyàng，yuè guì de duì tóufa yuè hǎo.

有四百、六百和八百的。燙發(fā)劑不一樣，越貴的對頭發(fā)越好。

Y： I think the 400 RMB will be fine for me.

Wǒ juéde sìbǎi de jiù xíng le .

我覺得四百的就行了

S： Sure. Would you like to have your hair dyed？ Color will make you look younger.

Hǎode. Nǐ yào rǎn ge yánsè ma？ Yǒu diǎnr yánsè xiǎn de niánqīng.

好的。你要染個顏色嗎？有點兒顏色顯得年輕。

Y： So how much is it？Rǎnfà duōshao qián？

染發(fā)多少錢？

S： You can choose from 300 RMB and 500 RMB. The 500 RMB one has a better effect and won't hurt your hair.

Yǒu sānbǎi hé wǔbǎi de. Wǔbǎi de xiàoguǒ hǎo yīdiǎnr， hái bù shāng tóufa.

有三百和五百的。五百的效果好一點，還不傷頭發(fā)。

Y： Let me think.

Wǒ xiǎngxiang.

我想想。

If you get this far， all they need to do is set the hook.

S： It is a little expensive， but you are not doing it every day. And if you buy a prepaid membership card， you can enjoy a ten percent discount.

Shì yǒu diǎnr guì， kě nǐ yě bú shì tiāntiān zuò. Rúguǒ nǐ xiànzài bàn yì zhāng huìyuánkǎ dehuà，kěyǐ dǎ jiǔ zhé.

是有點兒貴，可你也不是天天做。如果你現(xiàn)在辦一張會員卡的話，可以打九折。

Y： Okay， I'll take a card.

Hǎo ba， wǒ bàn yì zhāng kǎ.

好吧，我辦一張卡。

See？ Did you have a plan for a perm or a dye？ No， you've just been swindled. But， remember this very important lesson： you can stop them whenever you want. The best way is by telling them that you're broke.

Staff： I'd like to recommend our senior stylist Tony for you.

Wǒ xiàng nín tuījiàn wǒmen de gāojí fàxíngshī Tuōní.

我向您推薦我們的高級發(fā)型師托尼。

You： I don't need a senior stylist. The cheapest one is fine. I don't have much money right now.

Wǒ bù xūyào gāojí fàxíngshī， zuì piányi de jiù xíng，wǒ shēnshang méi dài duōshao qián.

我不需要高級發(fā)型師，最便宜的就行，我身上沒帶多少錢。

Once they know that you don't have enough cash， most of the scams and hard-sells will stop. Keep in mind，though， that some of that hospitality will disappear， too. Someone spending money is a customer； someone who isn't is a training doll for rookies. Of course， not all hairstylists are like this. For the nice， honest， hardworking fellas in the industry， the locks of our hair are the keys to our hearts.