《愛無可忍》：因愛生怖

陳榕

伊恩·麥克尤恩（Ian McEwan）是當(dāng)代英國文壇最重要的小說家之一。他1948年出生于英格蘭的奧爾德肖特，童年時(shí)隨著在軍隊(duì)任職的父親先后在亞洲、歐洲以及非洲生活過，大學(xué)攻讀英國文學(xué)專業(yè)，畢業(yè)于薩塞克斯大學(xué)，后在東英吉利亞大學(xué)獲得碩士學(xué)位。他憑借1975年出版的第一部短篇小說集《最初的愛情，最后的儀式》（First Love， Last Rites）在英國文壇一舉成名，到目前為止已出版了13部長篇小說和兩部短篇小說集。他的早期小說具有哥特式風(fēng)格，以揭露社會的陰暗以及人性的邪惡為主；中后期的小說涉及的內(nèi)容廣泛，有著強(qiáng)烈的人文和社會關(guān)懷。他的代表作有《只愛陌生人》（The Comfort of Strangers）、《愛無可忍》（Enduring Love）、《贖罪》（Atonement）、《星期六》（Saturday）等。

Excerpts1）

What were these bad thoughts？ One was a suspicion that in those realms of feeling that defy the responsibility of logic， Clarissa considered Parry my fault. He was the kind of phantom2） that only I could have called up， a spirit of my dislocated， incomplete character， or of what she fondly called my innocence. I had brought him upon us， and I was keeping him there， even while I disowned him.

Clarissa said I was wrong or ridiculous to think this， but she did not say much else about her own attitude. She had spoken about my own as we got dressed that morning. I was disturbed， she said. I was pulling on my boots and did not interrupt. She said she hated to see me back with that old obsession about “getting back into science” when I had such an enjoyable working life and was so good at what I did. She was trying to help me， but I had become in the space of just a couple of days so manic， so feverish in my attention to Parry， so … She had paused a second to locate the word. She was standing in the doorway， hitching a silk-lined pleated3） skirt round her waist. In morning light her pallor4） made her eyes appear all the greener. She was beautiful. She seemed unattainable5）， an impression intensified by the word she chose. “… Alone， Joe. Youre so alone in all this， even when you speak to me about it. I feel youre shutting me out. Theres something youre not telling me. Youre not speaking from the heart.”

I simply looked at her. Either Ive always spoken to her from the heart in times like this， or I never have and I dont know what it means. But that wasnt what I was thinking. My thought was one I used to have when I first knew her： How did such an oversized， average-looking lump like myself land6） this pale beauty？ And a new bad thought： Was she beginning to think she had a poor deal7）？

She was about to leave the room to go to the kitchen where， unknown to us， Parrys letter was waiting. She misread my expression. Pleading with me rather than accusing me， she said， “I mean， the way youre looking at me now. Youre making calculations that Ill never know about. Some inner double-entry book-keeping that you think is the best way to the truth. But dont you see how it cuts you off8）？”

I knew it would not have convinced her to say， “I was only thinking how lovely you are and how I dont deserve you.” The fact that it wouldnt made me think as I got to my feet that perhaps she was the one who didnt deserve me. There. Balance， double entry. She was right， and twice over， for I had said nothing， and she would never know. I smiled at her and said， “Lets talk about it over breakfast.” But what we talked about was Parrys letter， and we didnt do that well.

After she had left， after I had cleared the table， I remained sitting in the kitchen with my lukewarm9） coffee， sliding Parrys pages back into their tight little envelope as though to contain the viral spores10） that were invading our home. More bad thoughts： It was a daydream really， but I had to let it run. It occurred to me that Clarissa was using Parry as a front11）. It was strange after all， her reaction in this case. She seemed to be aggravating the difficulties by implicating12） me with Parry. What was the explanation？ Was she beginning to regret her life with me？ Could she have met someone？ If she wanted to leave me， shed find it easier if she could convince herself that there was something between Parry and me. Had she met someone？ At work？ A colleague？ A student？ Could this be an exemplary13） case of unacknowledged self-persuasion？

I got to my feet. Self-persuasion was a concept much loved by evolutionary psychologists. I had written a piece about it for an Australian magazine. It was pure armchair14） science， and it went like this： If you lived in a group， as humans have always done， persuading others of your own needs and interests would be fundamental to your well-being. Sometimes you had to use cunning15）. Clearly you would be at your most convincing if you persuaded yourself first and did not even have to pretend to believe what you were saying. The kind of self-deluding16） individuals who tended to do this flourished， as did their genes. So it was we squabbled and scrapped， for our unique intelligence was always at the service of our special pleading and selective blindness to the weaknesses of our case.

作品賞析

英國作家伊恩·麥克尤恩一度在文壇有“恐怖伊恩”的名聲。他的早期作品中充斥著令人毛骨悚然的暴力描寫，下筆既細(xì)膩又全無顧忌。進(jìn)入20世紀(jì)90年代后，麥克尤恩的創(chuàng)作漸漸脫離了直白的哥特風(fēng)格，而轉(zhuǎn)向克制地揭示平凡生活的復(fù)雜肌理。然而，他對高潮以及恐怖的把控能力依然超群?！稅蹮o可忍》的開篇就充分說明了這一點(diǎn)。小說拉開帷幕時(shí)，是風(fēng)和日麗的一天。人們?nèi)齼蓛傻刈诓莸厣闲蓍e與野營。突然，一只載人熱氣球失控，帶著一個十歲的小男孩飛向天空。一群熱心人聽到了呼救聲，紛紛向熱氣球跑去，大家七手八腳把氣球拉住?？墒沁€沒等他們救出男孩，一陣大風(fēng)刮過，氣球飛速騰空，將五位掛在籃筐外的救援者一起帶離了地面。隨著氣球越升越高，營救者面臨兩個選擇：是救孩子，還是自保？出于本能，人們紛紛撒手，只有約翰·羅根沒有這樣做，于是他被熱氣球帶上了三百英尺的高空。在大家緊張的注視中，他因無力攥住繩索而松手，墜落身亡。男孩倒是無恙，后來獲救。

《愛無可忍》第一章從祥和的一天開始，情節(jié)卻急轉(zhuǎn)直下，最后以悲劇收場。參與援救的人們本想助人，卻淪為殺死羅根的罪魁禍?zhǔn)住Ｃ總€人都帶著沉甸甸的負(fù)罪感回家，這其中就包括小說的主人公喬·羅斯。這樣的開篇為小說定下了令人不安的基調(diào)。在以后的篇章中，因熱氣球事件所引發(fā)的連鎖反應(yīng)漸漸展示出在主人公喬·羅斯看似理性、幸福的生活，尤其是情感生活中，各種問題暗流涌動。

喬·羅斯是一位47歲的科普作家，他的女友克拉麗莎·莫倫是研究英國文學(xué)的學(xué)者。兩人已經(jīng)同居數(shù)年，感情穩(wěn)定。熱氣球事件不僅給喬的內(nèi)心添上重負(fù)，還讓他結(jié)識了一個給他生活帶來巨大變化的人——此次事故中跟他一起救人的28歲青年杰德·帕里。帕里患有“德·克萊拉鮑特綜合征”，也就是“色情精神病”。帕里認(rèn)為喬對自己一見鐘情，于是寫信騷擾喬，并對其進(jìn)行跟蹤。面對帕里的熱情，喬先是感到莫名其妙，繼而感到驚恐、畏懼。他一再拒絕帕里，這反而讓帕里變本加厲，甚至發(fā)展到了買兇暗殺喬、綁架克拉麗莎以及舉刀試圖自殺的程度。隨著帕里瘋癲行為的升級，喬和克拉麗莎在如何對待帕里上產(chǎn)生了分歧，兩人爭吵不斷，漸行漸遠(yuǎn)。

小說的英文標(biāo)題叫做Enduring Love，上海譯文出版社的中譯本將其譯為“愛無可忍”。而英文中，enduring一詞含有“忍耐”與“持久”之意，因此，標(biāo)題也可以譯為“永恒的愛”。人人渴望永恒的愛，因?yàn)閻劭梢宰屓瞬辉俟陋?dú)。茫茫世界，找到真愛也就找到了溫暖、光明和幸福。然而，愛又是這樣一種會折磨人的感情：它會讓人輾轉(zhuǎn)反側(cè)、偏執(zhí)狂暴、疑神疑鬼。而愛的種種執(zhí)念正是這部小說所關(guān)注的焦點(diǎn)。

愛的執(zhí)念在帕里的身上體現(xiàn)得最為明顯。他是“色情精神病”的患者。盡管在現(xiàn)實(shí)生活中，他和喬素昧平生，直到發(fā)生熱氣球事件他們一同救人時(shí)才相識，然而他認(rèn)為喬對他情有獨(dú)鐘。喬越是拒絕他，他越認(rèn)為這是因?yàn)閱萄圆挥芍?。他守候在喬的窗外，就連窗簾的微微晃動也會被他看作是喬正站在簾后默默注視著他。在小說結(jié)尾，哪怕他被送入精神病院，他還在堅(jiān)持每天給喬寫信，表達(dá)不悔的深情：“我在日漸一日地爭取我們的幸福，就算是要花上一輩子的時(shí)間我也在所不惜。”對帕里來說，他對喬的感情不涉及情欲，有著信仰的高度。這本是愛情的至高境界，可是麥克尤恩卻告訴我們，這種沒有回應(yīng)的愛所戀的是虛幻，當(dāng)事者為之神魂顛倒，但在旁觀者看來這卻是可怕的瘋癲。

同樣的偏執(zhí)也可以在喬的身上看到。喬剛出場時(shí)，是典型的成功人士形象。他是知名科普作家，為人溫和，彬彬有禮，有一位相貌與才華都很出眾的女友。喬的形象與沒有工作、沒有愛人的帕里形成了鮮明對比?？墒牵跓釟馇蚴录淼呢?fù)罪感和帕里窮追不舍的雙重壓力下，他內(nèi)心的不安漸漸浮現(xiàn)出來。我們看到了他受挫的理想：他曾想成為一名科學(xué)家，不得已成了科普作家。我們看到了他的不自信：他不再年少，也不算英俊，為什么克拉麗莎會愛他？對于帕里的出現(xiàn)，克拉麗莎沒有給喬足夠信任，反而對他的處事方式頗多苛責(zé)，她不相信帕里對喬的熾烈情感，覺得只是喬的一種臆斷。于是，喬的不自信慢慢發(fā)酵為懷疑與嫉妒。他開始擔(dān)心克拉麗莎有出軌的可能，為此偷偷查看她的私人通信，進(jìn)而被克拉麗莎發(fā)現(xiàn)，兩個人徹底吵翻。他愛克拉麗莎，然而因所得，患所失，反而衍生出一系列不可理喻的偏執(zhí)。

在《愛無可忍》中，麥克尤恩不僅寫出了帕里式的罔顧現(xiàn)實(shí)的偏執(zhí)、喬式的懦弱的偏執(zhí)，也寫出了羅根的妻子瓊的自我折磨的偏執(zhí)。羅根為救人而犧牲，在他去世后，喬決定去羅根家里拜訪，告訴羅根的妻子她的丈夫是多么高尚的人?？墒撬l(fā)現(xiàn)瓊之所以憔悴不堪，不是因?yàn)橥词鶒?，而是懷疑丈夫出軌。羅根去世后，瓊在他的車?yán)锇l(fā)現(xiàn)了一只野餐籃，還有一條散發(fā)著女性香水味道的絲巾。羅根的妻子猜測自己的丈夫應(yīng)該是有了外遇，事故當(dāng)天，他正載著年輕的情人去野營，羅根去救人是為了在情人面前展示自己的勇氣，結(jié)果卻白白送了命。小說結(jié)尾，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)事實(shí)真相是，當(dāng)天曾有一對因忘年戀而偷情的男女因?yàn)檐囎影胪緬佸^，搭了羅根的便車。羅根慷慨地載了他們一程，他們卻怕事后私情暴露，匆匆溜走。瓊得知這一切，追悔莫及。她背叛了愛的信任，選擇了愛的狹隘，這是多么可憐、可笑、可悲。

偏執(zhí)的愛是一種對世界錯位的認(rèn)知，將現(xiàn)實(shí)變成了可怕的地獄。在瓊的想象里，她那舍身救人的丈夫羅根可能是個道德敗壞的出軌者。在喬的眼中，克拉麗莎太自我，沒有真正關(guān)心過自己。在克拉麗莎的眼中，喬自從熱氣球事件后就開始疑神疑鬼，自行其是。帕里則自始至終沉浸在自己的幻想所編織的瘋狂小宇宙中。小說《愛無可忍》可謂寫盡了愛的瘋癲。它是沾沾自喜的盲目，是“我愛你，與你無關(guān)”的百折不悔，是永不放手的誓言；它也是糾結(jié)的困惑，是畏縮的懦弱，是自我折磨的懷疑，是受了傷害不敢愛、無法愛的惶恐。愛是世間最美的情感，但也最易讓人為幻象所迷惑，從而引發(fā)令人可怕的事件。