說服性書信寫作一例

唐玉菊　王鋒　何偉華

每年高考，各個考點(diǎn)都會擠滿陪考的家長。假如你是即將參加高考的李華，你的父母就此事寫信征詢你的意見，請你根據(jù)以下要點(diǎn)給父母寫一封回信，談?wù)勛约旱南敕ā?/p>

1. 不想因?yàn)樽约焊呖级R他們的工作；

2. 相信自己有獨(dú)立處理事情、面對挑戰(zhàn)的能力。

注意： 1. 詞數(shù)：100左右；

2.可以適當(dāng)增加細(xì)節(jié)，以使行文連貫。

參考詞匯： 高考 the College Entrance Examination Dear Mom and Dad，

Yours sincerely，Li Hua

習(xí)作1

Dear Mom and Dad，

Im writing this letter with the purpose of telling my own opinion towards the issue.

There is a growing tendency among parents to accompany their children during the College Entrance Examination. This is due to the significance of the examination. However， in my opinion， you neednt do like that. For one thing， a lot of work should be done. Therefore， its unnecessary for you to put off the work owing to my examination. For another thing， I believe I have the ability to deal with the problem by myself. To be precise， the College Entrance Examination is a big challenge that must be faced. In that case， I want to face it without your help.

I hope you can understand me and agree with my choice.

Your sincerely，

Li Hua

評分：21分。

本篇作文屬于第五檔。

得分理由：

1. 結(jié)構(gòu)布局。本文為三段式作文：

第一段提出寫信的目的。

第二段作者按照題目要求談了自己對父母陪讀的想法。此段內(nèi)容覆蓋了兩個要點(diǎn)：（1）不想因?yàn)樽约焊呖级R他們的工作；（2）相信自己有獨(dú)立處理事情、面對挑戰(zhàn)的能力。

第三段簡短緊湊。

2. 亮點(diǎn)詞匯。如：tendency， issue， due to， significance， owing to， to be precise， in my opinion。

3. 亮點(diǎn)句式。如：There is a growing tendency among somebody to do something—the College Entrance Examination is a big challenge that must be faced。

4. 過渡詞。如：however，for one thing，for another thing，therefore，in that case。

優(yōu)點(diǎn)

1. 書信的內(nèi)容覆蓋了要點(diǎn)。

2. 作文采用三段式結(jié)構(gòu)謀篇行文。過渡詞的使用使得文章渾然一體，結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊，行文流暢，層次分明。

3. 文中使用了很多高級詞匯，此外還有好的句型，插入語的使用如in my opinion，to be precise以及賓語從句和定語從句的使用如I believe I have the ability to deal with the problem by myself. To be precise，the College Entrance Examination is a big challenge that must be faced. 這不僅彰顯了作者的語言功底和寫作技巧，也提高了作文的評分檔次。

缺點(diǎn)：

1. 文章第一段給人感覺有點(diǎn)太唐突，作者首段應(yīng)提到父母的上次來信。

2. 詞匯的選用有點(diǎn)問題。如：I am writing this letter with the purpose of telling my own opinion towards the issue. 中的this應(yīng)改為the。

3. 書信屬于應(yīng)用文體，最后加上結(jié)束語更好些。

4. 文中復(fù)雜結(jié)構(gòu)使用得不是太多。

修改意見：

1. 首段這樣寫更好些：In your last letter， you asked me if it was necessary for you to keep me company during the College Entrance Examination. Here Im writing to you to voice my opinion about the issue.

2. 應(yīng)該把you neednt do like that改為：Its unnecessary for you to accompany me ...。

3. 把To be precise，the College Entrance Examination is a big challenge that must be faced. In that case，改為： ... must be faced，in which case ...更好些。

總的說來，這是一篇很好的學(xué)生寫作，亮點(diǎn)很多，應(yīng)該評為最高檔作文。

習(xí)作2

Dear Mom and Dad，

As time went by， the College Entrance Examination is drawing near. Its just one of the most significant events in my whole life. Therefore， youd like to keep company with me.

Firstly， I would appreciate it for your concerning about me. Nevertheless， not only will it have an influence on your busy work， but also I will think Im still a child. Believe in me， I have the ability to deal with problems and face the challenges well by myself. In addition to that， Ill go to a lot of trouble to have the exam in order to be admitted to my dreaming college. With regard to the company， by no means will I agree to it！

At the end of the letter， wish you happy forever！

Your sincerely，

Li Hua

評分：16分。

這篇作文屬于第四檔。

得分理由：

1. 結(jié)構(gòu)布局。本文為三段式作文

第一段表明作者理解父母為什么要陪讀。

第二段表明作者對父母陪讀這件事所持的態(tài)度，并說明為什么不要父母陪讀。此段覆蓋了題目要求的兩個要點(diǎn)。

第三段簡短地結(jié)束并對父母提出祝愿。

2. 亮點(diǎn)詞匯。如：draw near， significant， appreciate， have an influence on， be admitted to， with regard to ...。

3. 亮點(diǎn)句式。如：

倒裝句式：not only will it have an influence an your busy work，but also I will think Im a still child. by no means will I agree to it.

時間狀語從句：As time goes by ...。

祈使句：believe in me ...。

4. 過渡詞。如：firstly，therefore，nevertheless，in addition。

優(yōu)點(diǎn)

1. 采用了三段式結(jié)構(gòu)。文中過渡詞的使用得當(dāng)。

2. 作文中使用了很多高級詞匯，還有高級句式，如：倒裝句、有as引導(dǎo)的時間狀語從句、that引導(dǎo)的賓語從句、and引導(dǎo)的并列句以及祈使句believe in me等。作文中這些高級詞匯和短語，復(fù)雜結(jié)構(gòu)與簡單結(jié)構(gòu)的交替使用正是作者的語言功底和寫作技巧的有力體現(xiàn)。

缺點(diǎn)

1. 這篇習(xí)作同樣沒有在第一段應(yīng)提到父母的上次來信。

2. 本文寫作時沒有注意前后句的時態(tài)一致而導(dǎo)致時態(tài)方面的錯誤，如：as time went by用的是一般過去時，這與整篇習(xí)作的時態(tài)不一致；沒有記牢某些詞的用法與搭配，如“陪伴我”應(yīng)為keep me company，而本文寫成了keep company with me；因?yàn)槟呈赂屑つ橙藨?yīng)為be grateful to somebody for something，而本文把grateful與appreciate的用法混淆了；表達(dá)祝某人幸福wish后面應(yīng)接名詞happiness而本文錯寫成形容詞happy。

語法方面作者沒有搞清楚關(guān)系代詞that與which的區(qū)別，把that放在介詞in addition to的后面。

3. 作者為了多用高級句型而使得句子有點(diǎn)不合邏輯，表達(dá)不太恰當(dāng)。如：Not only will it have an influence on your busy work，but also I will think Im not a child. “不僅影響你們的工作，而且我不再是個小孩”，此句邏輯不通。By no means will I agree to it. 此句的語氣太過強(qiáng)硬，應(yīng)體現(xiàn)書信題材的要求，用語要委婉些。又如，表達(dá)“讓家長放心，自己將盡自己最大努力復(fù)習(xí)備考，力爭被理想的大學(xué)錄取”，此處短語用得不太恰當(dāng)。go to a lot of trouble to do something意為“不辭勞苦地做某事”，改為take trouble to take the examinations in order to ...或spare no effort to take the exminations in order to ...（盡心盡力做某事）更妥當(dāng)。

修改意見：

1. 首段應(yīng)加上：you asked me whether there is need for you to keep me company when I am taking the College Entrance Examination. 另外，首句應(yīng)改為as time goes by。

2. 第二段第一句應(yīng)改為I would be grateful to you for you concern about me.

3. 把Not only will it have an influence on your work，but also I am not a child改為Not only will it put more press on me，but also it has an influence on your work.好些。

4. 把in addition to that句中的后兩個詞去掉。

5. 把Ill go to a lot of trouble to have the exam in order to ...改為Ill spare no effort to take the examination and try my best to be admitted to my dreaming college.

6. 把by no means ...改為I think you should give a chance and believe me，I have the confidence in succeeding in passing the examination.

7. 信的最后一段改為Best wishes to you and wish you happiness forever.更地道。

參考范文

Dear Mom and Dad，

First， I want to express my heartfelt gratitude to you for your company and encouragement all the time while I am busy preparing for the College Entrance Examination.

In your last letter， you asked me if it was necessary for you to keep me company when taking the examination. To be honest， I would like you to work as usual and I dont want to disturb your daily life or work. In addition， I am proud to tell you that I have already grown up and I can take care of myself and deal with my own things. Faced with such an important examination， I have great confidence in doing it well and Im sure I will succeed.

Therefore， please believe me and give me a chance to do it by myself.

Best wishes！

Yours sincerely，Li Hua