學(xué)生習(xí)作名師點評

My Family

My name is Shi Ruqin. I am from a workers family. There are six peoples① in my family. They are my grandfather， my grandmother， my father， my mother， my sister and I.

Every member in my family works hard. My grandfather and grandmother are farmers. They do farm work everyday② in my hometown. My father is a senior engineer. He is now working in Africa， helping to build a power station. My mother is a teacher. She teaches English in a middle school. My sister， six years older than me， is a student in Shandong University. She does good③ in her lessons and all her teachers like her. I am a student in Yangying Middle School. I am in Class Four， Grade One. I am good in④ English and math. I want to be a policeman when I grow up.

This is my family. All the members in my family live in harmony. We love each other deeply.

山東省梁山縣楊營中學(xué)七年級 石汝勤

1. 優(yōu)點：

文章對家庭每個成員的情況介紹得當(dāng)，引言段總說了家庭的組成，擴充段分別介紹家庭各成員，以由老到少為順序，結(jié)尾段以“和睦相處”等語句作總結(jié)，具有概括性。

2. 需要修改的地方：

① peoples去掉s， people本身為復(fù)數(shù)名詞;

② everyday改為every day。everyday是形容詞，后面可以直接跟名詞，而every day是短語，一般作副詞講，放在句首或句末，用來修飾整個句子;

③ good改為well;

④ in改為at， be good at意為“擅長……”。

3. 評分：

按中考英語作文滿分15分的評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，本文修改前可得12分。

A Visit to Golden Hill Park

In my hometown， there is a famous park—Golden Hill Park.

One spring morning， my classmates and I went to visit the park. What a nice spring day it was！ All the flowers were at their best.

When we got at① the gate of the park， a beautiful picture came into view. The flowers smiled at us. Some fish with red tails swam happy② in the lake. Along the road we came to a grand temple. Two stone lions sat opposite to each other. A fat man looked at us smiling from ear to ear. Then we stepped into the long corridor， which was divided into eleven rooms. Beside the rooms， a newly-built beautiful temple came into our eyes. Suddenly we heard a clear ring of a bell， then we looked up. For③ our surprise， the big bell would ring whenever the wind was blowing.

What made us most excited was to climb the hill. It took us more than twenty minutes to climb the hill. Standing at the top of the hill， we found what④ beautiful the city was. The new buildings were countless. The white clouds floated above our heads. It was time for us to return home. We all felt excited.

山東省梁山縣楊營中學(xué)初二 石麗萍

1. 優(yōu)點：

本文寫的是春天游覽金山，寫出了公園精致的景觀和迷人的春色。層次清楚，描寫細膩。形象具體，給人留下深刻的的印象。

2. 需要修改的地方：

① at改為to，get to意思為“到達……”，詞組的固定搭配;

② happy改為happily;副詞happily修飾動詞swam;

③ for改為to，意為“讓某人吃驚的是……”;

④ what改為how;注意區(qū)別由what和how引導(dǎo)的感嘆句：how + adj./ adv. +主語 +謂語+

其他部分;what + a/ an + adj. + n. + 主語+謂語+其他部分或what + adj. + n.（復(fù)數(shù)名詞或不可數(shù)名詞）+主語+謂語+其他部分。

3. 評分：

按中考英語作文滿分15分的評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，本文修改前可得12分。