The Myth of the Well—rounded Girl“完美”女孩的煩惱

Alicia， 15， is a straight-A student who is involved at school and in her community. She's a Girl Scout， plays field hockey and does extracurriculars like the jewelry club， student government and so on. But if you ask this overachiever about her talents， you'll get a blank2） stare.

"I don't even know anymore，" she confesses. "People say I'm really good with little kids and at writing and I am really smart， but lately I don't know."

Like many girls， Alicia feels like she has to pull in amazing grades to get into a top college and have an incredible future. But her desire to succeed comes with a serious side of stress.

"All this pressure makes me feel like I can't have a life，" she tells us. "Everything needs to be perfect."

The culture of perfectionism is a serious problem， especially among teen girls. It's not surprising， then， that this all-or-nothing3） attitude makes it hard for girls to cope when things get bumpy4） （as life inevitably does） and leads to issues such as depression， anxiety and even suicidal thoughts and self-harm.

"If perfection is the only thing that's good enough， you have no resources5） or resilience6） when you get results that are less than the best，" says psychologist Dr. Lucie Hemmen， who works with teens. "If you want to be successful， you want to be real， not perfect."

Working hard in class and being active after school are key for developing a wide variety of skills. But buckling down7） every second of the day isn't always the route to happiness now， or to a shining career down the road.

15歲的艾麗西亞是一名全優(yōu)生，在學(xué)校和社區(qū)都參與活動(dòng)。她是女童子軍的一員，打曲棍球，還參加很多課外活動(dòng)，如珠寶俱樂部、學(xué)生自治會(huì)等。 但是，若你去問這位特優(yōu)生她有何天賦，她只會(huì)茫然地看著你。

“我一點(diǎn)都不清楚，”她坦白地說，“人們說我確實(shí)很擅長跟小孩打交道，文章也寫得很好，還說我真的很聰明，但近來我真的不知道了?！?/p>

和許多女孩一樣，艾麗西亞認(rèn)為自己必須考出驚人的高分，好讓自己能夠進(jìn)入頂尖大學(xué)，擁有大好前程。但是，她對(duì)成功的渴望卻總是伴隨著沉重的壓力。

“所有這些壓力讓我覺得無法擁有自己的生活，”她告訴我們，“每件事都需要盡善盡美?！?/p>

完美主義文化是一個(gè)很嚴(yán)重的問題，尤其是在十幾歲的女孩當(dāng)中。如此說來，這種“要么不做，要做就要做好”的態(tài)度使女孩們難以應(yīng)對(duì)生活中的磕磕絆絆（生活難免如此），而且還會(huì)導(dǎo)致出現(xiàn)某些問題，如沮喪、焦慮，甚至自殺的念頭和自殘傾向等，這也就不足為奇了。

“如果只有完美才是足夠好的，那么當(dāng)你得到的結(jié)果并非最佳結(jié)果時(shí)，你既無法應(yīng)對(duì)困難，也缺乏適應(yīng)能力，” 從事青少年研究的心理學(xué)家露西·赫門博士說，“如果你想成功，就要變得真實(shí)，而不是追求完美?！?/p>

努力學(xué)習(xí)課內(nèi)知識(shí)并積極參與課外活動(dòng)是培養(yǎng)多種才藝的關(guān)鍵。但是，每天的每一分每一秒都全力以赴并不一定能為現(xiàn)在的生活帶來幸福，也不一定是通往輝煌職場生涯的坦途。

In a survey of hundreds of Girl's Life girls， more than half said they feel as though they have to succeed at everything， from school to sports to fitting in the right-size jeans to having a BF. But the desire to be well-rounded is trapping girls in a cycle in which they're frazzled8）， feeling unsure of themselves and missing out on new opportunities.

While it's one thing to be successful and well-rounded now to prep yourself for life post-high school， becoming too focused on your future can lead you down a slippery slope9） to Stress Town. Yet many girls already have a specific college on the brain before they even begin freshman year.

Think about it： if you're pushing yourself over the edge10） in order to keep up with meetings and practices and being utterly flawless in every class， you may lose sight of why you're doing any of it at all. Not only that， the all-aces-or-bust mentality can actually keep you from going after your true passions.

Let's say your school is offering a new class this year in a subject you're interested in， like computer coding or graphic design. Do you sign up or go with what you know， the course where you're guaranteed to take home an A？

Girls who are obsessed with success tend to take the safer track， sticking with what they know in order to nab11） that tried 'n' true12） gold-star outcome. But studies show that kids who challenge themselves tend to be happier and feel more confident than kids who tackle a task they've already mastered. It's about feeling empowered to take the right risks and test yourself—even if it might lead to a belly-flop13）.

Dr. Hemmen has seen this happen with her own daughter， who was once a volleyball all-star. But the sport wasn't her passion， so she quit， giving her more time for homework and relaxing. She soon picked up an after-school job， began cooking and doing art. She now even takes a nap every once in a while. The outcome？ She's never been happier.

But in our 100-miles-per-hour lives， even slowing down can feel like a failure in and of itself14）.

"If you're not busy， you're losing precious time to build up your college application and you're falling behind the ones who participate in more activities，" says Isabelle， 16.

This fear of "falling behind" can lead girls to take drastic15） measures to keep up. Those we surveyed mentioned everything from skipping sleep to popping pills not prescribed to them， which is crazy dangerous.

7. buckle down： 開始認(rèn)真做

8. frazzled [?fr?zld] adj. <口>精疲力竭的，疲憊不堪的

9. slippery slope： 導(dǎo)致最終失敗的行為

10. push sb. over the edge： （不愉快的事情）使某人發(fā)狂

11. nab [n?b] vt. 抓??；逮捕

12. tried 'n' true： （= try and true）經(jīng)試驗(yàn)證明是值得（或可靠）的

13. belly-flop： 胸腹先著水的笨拙跳水姿勢(shì)。這里指“摔跤”。

14. in and of itself： 僅僅考慮其本身

15. drastic [?dr?st?k] adj. 極端的

16. stance [st?ns] n. （對(duì)某事的）態(tài)度；立場

17. at the end of the day： 最終；到頭來

18. fabulous [?f?bj?l?s] adj. 極好的；絕妙的

19. fall off： 減少

20. laundry list： 列出的一長串項(xiàng)目的清單

在《女孩生活》雜志對(duì)數(shù)百位女性讀者進(jìn)行的調(diào)查中，半數(shù)以上的女孩覺得自己好像必須做到事事成功，從學(xué)習(xí)到運(yùn)動(dòng)，到穿上正常尺碼的牛仔褲，再到交男朋友。但對(duì)全面發(fā)展的渴望卻令女孩們陷入一個(gè)怪圈——她們?yōu)榇似v不堪，喪失自信，錯(cuò)失新的機(jī)遇。

用自己目前的成功和全面發(fā)展來為高中畢業(yè)后的生活做準(zhǔn)備只是一方面，與此相對(duì)的是，過于專注未來也會(huì)導(dǎo)致自己滑向壓力的深淵。但有很多女孩甚至在開始讀高一之前就已經(jīng)明確了心儀的大學(xué)。

試想一下：如果你為了不耽誤各種聚會(huì)，趕上各種實(shí)踐活動(dòng)，還要在每門課上都表現(xiàn)得完美無缺，從而把自己逼到發(fā)狂，那么你可能根本看不到自己做這些事情是圖什么。不僅如此，全優(yōu)至上的心態(tài)實(shí)際上會(huì)阻礙你追求自己真正熱愛的東西。

假設(shè)你的學(xué)校今年要開設(shè)一門有關(guān)某個(gè)科目的新課程，如計(jì)算機(jī)編程或平面設(shè)計(jì)，你對(duì)這個(gè)科目很感興趣。你會(huì)報(bào)名參加這個(gè)課程呢，還是會(huì)報(bào)名參加知道自己肯定能得A的課程？

對(duì)成功癡迷的女孩們傾向于選擇更安全的路徑，死守著她們已經(jīng)學(xué)會(huì)的知識(shí)，以獲得那些屢試不爽的好成績。但是研究表明，敢于挑戰(zhàn)自己的孩子比選擇完成自己早已會(huì)做的任務(wù)的孩子更快樂，更自信。這是因?yàn)檫m當(dāng)?shù)拿半U(xiǎn)和自我考驗(yàn)可以賦予自己力量，即使那可能會(huì)導(dǎo)致失敗。

赫門博士見證了自己女兒身上發(fā)生的這種變化：她曾是一個(gè)排球隊(duì)的明星運(yùn)動(dòng)員，但她并不熱愛這項(xiàng)運(yùn)動(dòng)，于是她退出了球隊(duì)，讓自己有更多的時(shí)間來完成作業(yè)和休閑放松。她很快就找到了一份課余兼職，并開始玩烹飪，還搞起了藝術(shù)。她現(xiàn)在甚至?xí)r不時(shí)還能小睡片刻。結(jié)果是什么呢？她從來沒有如此快樂過。

但是，在我們以時(shí)速100英里前進(jìn)的生活中，僅僅考慮到減速本身都會(huì)讓人感到自己是失敗的。

“你如果不讓自己忙碌起來，就會(huì)失去寶貴的時(shí)間去豐富你的大學(xué)申請(qǐng)書，就會(huì)被那些參加更多活動(dòng)的人甩在身后了?！?6歲的伊莎貝爾說。

這種害怕“落后”的思想會(huì)讓女孩們采取極端的方式跟上他人的步伐。參與我們調(diào)查的那些女孩們提到了方方面面的極端措施，從晚上不睡覺到自行服用處方藥，這些都是極其危險(xiǎn)的。

Surprisingly， about a quarter of Girl Life readers surveyed said their friends were also a major source of pressure， which means teens are feeling frazzled to impress their BFFs or to keep up with the stressed-out masses in their classes. Our stance16）？ Not worth it. Instead， find out what might make you happy and successful in the long run. At the end of the day17）， it's not the opinion of your friends or pressure from your family that's going to make your future fabulous18）. It's all about being your best self， in your own way.

The way we see it， there's nothing wrong with narrowing your focus to discover your interests and strengths. Yes， a couple of items may fall off19） the long college application laundry list20）， but we bet you'll be happier—and shine like the star you truly are.

出人意料的是，參與《女孩生活》雜志調(diào)查的讀者中大約有四分之一說，她們的朋友也是壓力的一大來源，這意味著青少年正疲于給自己的好友留下好印象，或正疲于追趕自己班級(jí)里那大批倍感壓力的人。我們對(duì)此怎么看呢？這樣做不值得。相反，要去找到從長遠(yuǎn)來看可能讓你感到快樂和成功的事情。到頭來，朋友的看法或家人的施壓并不能許給你一個(gè)美好的未來，而是要以你自己的方式做最棒的自己。

我們認(rèn)為，縮小你的關(guān)注點(diǎn)來發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的興趣和特長并沒有錯(cuò)。是的，也許會(huì)從大學(xué)申請(qǐng)需做的一長串事項(xiàng)中劃掉某些條目，但我們相信你將會(huì)更快樂，真實(shí)的自我也會(huì)像星星一樣閃耀。