幽默小故事

張會(huì)軍

The Fish Net

“Can you tell me what fish net is made， Ann？” asked the teacher.

“A lot of little holes tied together with strings.” replied the little girl.

魚(yú)網(wǎng)

“你能告訴我魚(yú)網(wǎng)是用什么做的嗎，安？”老師問(wèn)道。

“把許多小孔用繩子拴在一起就成了魚(yú)網(wǎng)了?！毙∨⒒卮鸬?。

A Physics Examination

Once in a physics examination， Nick finished the first question very soon， while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was： when it thunders why do we see the lighting first，then hear the thunder rolls？

Nicks answer： because our eyes are before ears.

物理考試

在一次物理考試時(shí)，當(dāng)同學(xué)們都還在冥思苦想的時(shí)候，尼克很快就答好了第一個(gè)問(wèn)題。

這個(gè)問(wèn)題是：為什么在打雷時(shí)，我們總是先看到閃電后聽(tīng)到雷聲？

尼克的回答是：因?yàn)檠劬υ谇?，耳朵在后?/p>

Im A Bachelor

Jack fell off his bicycle and got hurt. He was going to get treated in hospital. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back.

“Anything else，” the nurse asked.

“Yes，” Jack thinks for a while and said，“Im a bachelor.”

我是個(gè)單身漢

杰克騎車(chē)摔傷，得住院治療。一位年輕美貌的護(hù)士拿著表格讓填。讓杰克填好遞上表格。

“還有什么漏填的嗎？”護(hù)士問(wèn)。

“有！”杰克想了想說(shuō)，“我是個(gè)單身漢?！?/p>

All These People Eat Meals

Wife： You see. According to the statistics on the paper 80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcohol.

Husband： To my investigation1， all these people eat meals.

死于肝癌的人100%都吃飯

妻子：你看這張報(bào)紙，據(jù)統(tǒng)計(jì)，死于肝癌的人80%都是喝酒的。

丈夫：據(jù)我調(diào)查，死于肝癌的人100%都吃飯。

Always Thirsty

“I had an operation，” said a man to his friend， “and the doctor left a sponge2 in me.”

“Thats terrible！” said the friend. “Got any pain？”

“No， but I am always thirsty！”

總感到口渴

一個(gè)男人對(duì)他的朋友說(shuō)：“我動(dòng)了一次手術(shù)，手術(shù)后醫(yī)生把一塊海綿忘在我的身體里

了?！?/p>

“真是太可怕了！”朋友說(shuō)：“你覺(jué)得疼嗎？”

“不疼，不過(guò)我總感到口渴?！?/p>

Feel Unhappy

Son： Is it wrong to give anyone mental or physical hurt when he felt unhappy？

Father： Of course.

Son： Fine， now I am feeling so bad， I lost in two subjects this time.

Father （angrily）： What？ You...

心里難受

兒子：是不是當(dāng)一個(gè)人心里難受時(shí)，就不應(yīng)該再給他精神或身體上的刺激？

父親：那當(dāng)然！

兒子：那好，這次我有兩門(mén)功課不及格，我現(xiàn)在心里很難受。

父親（氣憤地）：什么？你……

Compare Other Things

Son： Mom， John has a pair of shoes with Gordons name signed.

Mom： You just care about this？Havent you compared3 other things？

Son： Yes， his mother is prettier than you.

比一下其他的

兒子：媽媽?zhuān)s翰有雙喬丹簽名的球鞋。

媽媽?zhuān)耗阒魂P(guān)心這個(gè)嗎？不會(huì)比一下其他的東西嗎？

兒子：有啊，他的媽媽比你漂亮。

The Doctor Knows Better

A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital.

His wife who was standing up by his bed， said to the doctor， “I think that he is very ill.”

“I am afraid that he is dead.” said the doctor.

Hearing this， the man moved his head and said， “Im not dead. Im still alive.”

“Be quiet，” said the wife， “the doctor knows better than you！”

醫(yī)生懂得多

一個(gè)男人在街上被出租車(chē)撞倒后送進(jìn)了醫(yī)院。

他的妻子站在他的床前對(duì)醫(yī)生說(shuō)：“我想他傷得很厲害?！?/p>

醫(yī)生說(shuō)：“恐怕他已經(jīng)死了?！?/p>

聽(tīng)到醫(yī)生的話，這個(gè)男人轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)著頭說(shuō)：“我沒(méi)死，我還活著?！?/p>

妻子說(shuō)：“安靜點(diǎn)，醫(yī)生比你懂得多?！?