惡作劇之禮

By+Nancy+Weber+譯/Shel

In my natal family, the holiest of holidays were April Fools, Valentines, Halloween, and the first night of Passover, in that order. To joke was to love, was to entertain, was to celebrate liberty. Pranking was not only allowed, it was encouraged. Maybe it was even mandatory. And there were rules. Tricking people wasnt supposed to be mean. The butt of your joke wasnt meant to feel like a jerk. Ideally the victim would be warmed and flattered by the attention.

Five oclock on a lovely early spring evening, my mother called me in from the backyard. She and my father were going out to dinner, she said, and she had my dinner ready at the kitchen table.

Pretty weird: No one, not even babies, dined at five in our family. But my mother had a happy, adoring look on her face, and I didnt think twice about going along with whatever she wanted me to do. I washed my hands and sat down at the table. I can see it perfectly across the years—the table festively set with a straw placemat, yellow cloth napkin, and a fork and knife from the dining room flatware.

With a flourish, my mother set a plate before me: two sunny-side-up eggs, a couple of strips of bacon, and a heap of bright peas and carrots. It wasnt the sort of food we ate for dinner—I think that was the year of Steak Diane. But my mother was calling it dinner, and so dinner it was. I stuck a fork into the yolk. Well, I tried to stick it in. Everything on the plate was candy. Thus, my first April Fools Day, and sheer perfection. My mother and I laughed and ate the marzipan veggies, and I felt very loved.

Less successful was the time my mother called me into the kitchen, said, “Nancy, Im angry at you”, and threw a drinking glass at my feet. It shattered on the floor, and I burst into hysterical tears. “No!” my mother wailed, gathering me into her arms. “It was a joke! Thats Libbys new bounce glass! It was supposed to pop right up like a tennis ball! Oh, baby girl, Im so sorry. Im going to write a letter to Libby and give them hell.”

Fast-forward to the next generation of family life. Elsewhere on this site, you may hear from my grown-up kids, Rose and Albert, about our patented version of the prank: the narf. I dont quite know how the word or the concept got introduced into our world when the kids were small. Maybe its an acronym for Not A Real Fact.

Our narf is a spoken prank. Its an attempt to get another family member to believe, if only for a second, a patent bit of nonsense that should defy credulity in even a half-awake, distracted person who is, say, busily making brownies.

“Theres a kangaroo in the bathroom.”

“Ive been short-listed for the Nobel!”

Rose and Albert are in their 20s now, and we still occasionally narf one another, or try to. How has narfing endured all these years when so much else has fallen away? I give credit to its having rules and protocols, like any meaningful game. For instance, narfing is nearly cruelty-free. Its not a narf to tell someone who loves you that youve been diagnosed with leprosy. If your narf misfires, and someones bullshit detector lights up, you immediately have to confess.

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Back to the natal family. For the last forty years or so, my younger brother and I have been so poised to be pranked by the other on April first, and a telephone call on the day would go like this.

“Hi. I was walking down...”

“April Fools!”

With the coming of caller ID, neither of us could even say“Hi” before being doubted by the other. So one recent year my brother April Fooled me the night before, and then claimed the holiday had started at sundown.

And yet, I was secretly glad that hed violated good form. I love being fooled, and its happening less and less. I just dont feel I can let my guard down these days.

Oh, bring back the springtime of candy carrots and peas.

在我出生成長(zhǎng)的家庭里，最神圣的節(jié)日依次往下排就是愚人節(jié)、情人節(jié)、萬(wàn)圣節(jié)和逾越節(jié)的第一個(gè)晚上。我們覺(jué)得惡作劇是一種愛(ài)的表達(dá)，是一種娛樂(lè)，也是一種對(duì)自由的慶祝。惡作劇不只是被允許的，它還是受大家推崇的，甚至可以說(shuō)是非玩不可的。當(dāng)然，惡作劇也是要講求規(guī)則的。戲弄他人時(shí)不能太卑鄙。你的玩笑并不是為了證明被你捉弄的人是個(gè)笨蛋。理想的惡作劇能讓被捉弄的人感到溫暖，感到被關(guān)注而開(kāi)心。

那是一個(gè)美麗的早春，傍晚五點(diǎn)。媽媽把我從后院叫回家，對(duì)我說(shuō)，她和爸爸要出去吃飯，我的晚飯她已經(jīng)準(zhǔn)備好了，就在餐桌上。

真奇怪，我們家從來(lái)沒(méi)有在五點(diǎn)就吃晚飯的，連小寶寶們也不會(huì)這么早。但是媽媽一臉開(kāi)心雀躍的樣子，我毫不猶豫地就照她說(shuō)的去做了。我洗了手，然后坐在桌子前面。就算過(guò)了這么多年，當(dāng)時(shí)的情景依舊歷歷在目：像過(guò)節(jié)似的，桌上鋪著一張草編餐墊、黃色的布餐巾，擺放著從套裝餐具里抽出來(lái)的刀叉。

媽媽端了一個(gè)裝著豐盛食物的盤(pán)子放到我面前：兩個(gè)荷包蛋、兩片培根肉片，還有一堆顏色鮮艷的豌豆和胡蘿卜。這些都不是我們平時(shí)晚飯吃的東西——那年的正餐我們流行吃“黛安牛排”。既然媽媽說(shuō)這是晚餐，那這就是晚餐吧。我想用叉子叉住蛋黃。然而，怎么也叉不進(jìn)去。原來(lái)，盤(pán)子里的所有東西都是糖果。這就是我的第一個(gè)愚人節(jié)，一切都完美極了。我和媽媽都笑了，并一起吃那些用杏仁蛋白糊做成的蔬菜。那一刻，我覺(jué)得溫暖極了。

不是每次惡作劇都這么成功。有一次，媽媽把我叫進(jìn)廚房說(shuō)，“南希，你惹媽媽生氣了”，緊接著把一個(gè)水杯摔到了我腳邊。杯子摔在地板上，碎了，我嚇了一跳，大哭了起來(lái)。媽媽也慌了，把我摟進(jìn)懷里，難過(guò)地喊著：“不！那是個(gè)玩笑！那是利比最新的彈性玻璃杯！摔到地上應(yīng)該像網(wǎng)球那樣彈起來(lái)的！噢，我的寶貝女兒，真對(duì)不起，我一定要寫(xiě)信投訴他們，該死的?！?/p>

現(xiàn)在快進(jìn)到我家庭生活中的下一代吧。你也許在別的什么地方聽(tīng)我那兩個(gè)成年的孩子——羅絲和艾伯特，說(shuō)起過(guò)我們的“專(zhuān)利”惡作劇“narf”。其實(shí)我也不清楚這個(gè)詞或者概念是怎么在孩子們還小的時(shí)候就出現(xiàn)在我們的生活中的。這個(gè)詞或許是“Not A Real Fact”（意為“是假的”）這個(gè)詞組的縮寫(xiě)。

我們的“narf”是一種口頭上的惡作劇，就是嘗試讓另一個(gè)家庭成員去相信一些胡說(shuō)八道的東西，哪怕只是蒙騙了對(duì)方一秒鐘也算成功了。即使當(dāng)時(shí)對(duì)方正半夢(mèng)半醒，或者正在分心做其他事情，如正在忙碌地做著帶堅(jiān)果的巧克力蛋糕。

“洗手間有只袋鼠?！?/p>

“我已經(jīng)入選諾貝爾獎(jiǎng)了！”

羅絲和艾伯特如今都已經(jīng)20多歲了，但是我們還是會(huì)偶爾相互玩一下“narf”，倒不是每次都成功。當(dāng)那么多種惡作劇都慢慢地被大家玩膩了時(shí)，“narf”這個(gè)惡作劇為何還能如此經(jīng)久不衰呢？我覺(jué)得這可能歸功于這個(gè)惡作劇具備的規(guī)則和禮節(jié)，就跟任何有意義的游戲一樣。舉個(gè)例子，“narf”惡作劇幾乎不會(huì)傷害到人，它不是那種跟愛(ài)你的人說(shuō)你被診斷出得了麻風(fēng)病的謊話。而且，當(dāng)你的“narf”把戲失敗了，對(duì)方開(kāi)始有所警覺(jué)時(shí)，你就要立刻坦白承認(rèn)。

再回到我長(zhǎng)大的家里。在過(guò)去的40多年里，我和弟弟已經(jīng)練就了一身鎮(zhèn)定自若的本領(lǐng)來(lái)應(yīng)對(duì)彼此的愚人節(jié)惡作劇，我們有時(shí)候會(huì)在電話里玩這樣的惡作?。?/p>

“嗨，我那天走在……”

“愚人節(jié)快樂(lè)！”

后來(lái)有了來(lái)電顯示，結(jié)果我們連那句“嗨”也給省了，一看號(hào)碼就頓時(shí)警覺(jué)起來(lái)。所以最近有一年，弟弟在愚人節(jié)前一天晚上就來(lái)捉弄我了，還振振有詞地說(shuō)3月31日太陽(yáng)下山后就是愚人節(jié)了。

然而，即使弟弟這般“暗箭傷人”，可我還是會(huì)偷著樂(lè)。我喜歡被捉弄，雖然發(fā)生在我身上的惡作劇已經(jīng)越來(lái)越少，但這些年來(lái)，我那根弦始終繃著，不敢放松警惕。

哦，讓那些充滿(mǎn)胡蘿卜糖和豌豆糖的美好春日時(shí)光回來(lái)吧。

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