校園婚姻？愛沒那么簡單！

by Stephanie Steinberg

While most college students are hooking up on the dance floor or checking each other out by scrolling through Facebook profile pictures， a small number of students are doing something really counter-cultural—theyre getting married before they graduate.

Marrying as an undergrad is like putting a“scarlet M on your forehead，” said Bradford Wilcox， director of The Marriage Project， which studies marriages in America at the University of Virginia.

Peter Nesbitt， 20， proposed to Lane Ritchie， 19， in the park earlier this month. The third-year University of Michigan students have decided to get married in less than two months.

The couple， who have dated since freshman year of high school， is more excited to spend the rest of their college days—and lives—together than they are worried about planning a backyard wedding that will be held after the first week of classes in September.

The average national age of marriage is 28， according to the National Center for Educational Statistics， and experts say planning a wedding while still taking finals and cheering at football games is going against the 1）norm.

Out of 20，928 undergraduates surveyed by the National Center for Education Statistics in 2008， about 18% reported they were married.

While there are various reasons why college sweethearts decide to 2）tie the knot， one thing is for sure： Married students face more challenges than they did in the past.

Its financially more difficult for married students today than just five years ago， said Kelly Roberts， a marriage and family 3）therapist and clinical instructor at Oklahoma State University. She cited the 4）decreasing number of student loans available and married students taking on more jobs to cover expenses.

“Students are not just juggling one job to try to make ends meet， but theyre juggling two，” she said.

For any couple， Roberts recommends waiting at least six months from the engagement announcement to the wedding， just so couples are certain theyre making the right move.

Andy and Brittany Hudson were engaged for 14 months， but Andy Hudson said he would have married his wife sooner if she wasnt finishing her masters at Southern Illinois University.

“You just find the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with them，” he said.

But promising to take care of someone for better or worse might get in the way of a typical college experience.

At Oklahoma State University， approximately 7% of the 18，541 undergraduates were married in 2010. Kami Schwerdtfeger， an OSU assistant professor of marriage and family therapy， said some of these students find adulthood， which can mean paying bills and keeping up a home， can“5）butt heads” with 6）adolescence—attending parties， staying out late with friends.

Mark Regnerus， an associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas， explained that married college students are forced to “grow up pretty quickly.”

“You have to mature and take on a new role，” he said. “Its not only your schoolwork that youre tending to， but its also tending to your marriage.”

Harvard University senior Chris Jackson married Leah Cogan， a senior at Brown University， on July 1. Before getting married， Jackson said he found it difficult to balance school and his relationship with Cogan， who was about an hour long train ride away.

“Ideally， youd have all your work done during the week so we could hang out during the weekend， but it didnt usually work out that way，” he said.

Though all marriages are 7）vulnerable in the first few years， experts say people who marry at age 21 or younger are more 8）susceptible to divorce.

“The longer you can wait to get married up to 9）approximately age 30， the greater your chances are at having a successful and stable committed relationship stay intact，” Roberts said.

Kate and Paul Bowers got married before their senior year at the University of South Carolina and celebrated their first anniversary last month. Kate Bowers said she appreciates the “smaller moments” of married life—like grocery shopping together—which they didnt experience when dating.

Paul Bowers， who started a blog called Married in College， said he didnt miss out on anything by becoming a husband as an undergrad.

Though the Bowers are confident theyll be together forever， the average divorce or separation rate for a couple marrying for the first time is 40% to 50%， according to the 2010 State of Our Unions report by the National Marriage Project. Wilcox said financial trouble is a leading cause of marital distress and divorce， which could pose problems for married college students 10）accruing debt from student loans.

Society expects people to go to college， get a job and then get married， he said. Research also supports the position that the best age to wed is in the mid- to upper-20s， he added.

“Its at that point when you can really form a common life together，” Wilcox said.

Regnerus added that parents and peers“suspect theres no way you could possibly know what you want at age 20 or 21.”

當大多數大學生還在舞池上相互“勾搭”，或者翻動臉譜網上的檔案圖片來相互了解時，有一小部分學生卻正干著一些沖擊文化的事——他們準備在大學畢業(yè)前結婚。

念本科時結婚就像是將一個“紅字‘M刻在額頭上”，布拉德福·威爾科克斯說，他是維吉尼亞大學一個研究美國人婚姻狀況的專項“婚姻項目”的主管。

本月早些時候，二十歲的彼得·內斯比特在公園里向十九歲的琳恩·里奇求了婚。這兩位密歇根大學的三年級生已經決定在兩個月內完婚。

這兩口子，從高中一年級起就開始交往。他們對于將要共同生活，共度大學剩余時光這一點感到興奮，雖然9月開課后第一周就要舉行“后院婚禮”，但兩人不甚擔憂。

根據美國教育統(tǒng)計中心數據顯示，美國全國的平均結婚年齡為28歲。專家稱，以仍在求學、為足球比賽打氣的年紀去計劃婚禮有違常規(guī)。

2008年，美國教育統(tǒng)計中心對20，928名本科生進行了調查，報告稱其中有18%的人已經成婚。

大學情侶選擇共結連理的原因很多，但有一點是肯定的：相比以往，已婚學生所面對的挑戰(zhàn)更多了。

比起五年前，如今的已婚學生所面臨的財政問題更加嚴峻，俄克拉荷馬州立大學的婚姻與家庭臨床醫(yī)學家、臨床講師凱利·羅伯茨如是說。她引出相關數據，顯示學生貸款數額減少，已婚學生需要干更多的兼職來支付開支。

“已婚學生并不只是打一份工來維持開支，而是兩份，”她說道。

對任何情侶來說，羅伯茨建議宣布訂婚后至少等六個月，再考慮真正結婚，以保證自己做的是正確的決定。

安迪和布萊特妮·哈德森已經訂婚14個月了，但安迪·哈德森說若不是布萊特妮正在南伊利諾斯大學完成碩士學位課程，他早就已經迎娶她了。

“你恰好找到了那個你愛的人，想與他們共度余生，”他說道。

但承諾無論順境逆境都照顧某人，這一點可能會妨礙常規(guī)的大學體驗。

2010年，俄克拉荷馬州立大學的18，541名本科生中約有7%已婚?？住な婢S德菲格是該大學的一位婚姻與家庭治療副教授，他說這些學生中有一部分人發(fā)現(xiàn)成人責任（可能意味著支付賬單和維持家庭）會與青春生活（參加派對，與朋友在外面泡到深夜）相沖突。

馬克·利格魯斯是德克薩斯大學的一位社會學副教授，他解釋說，已婚大學生被迫“迅速成長起來”。

“你得成熟起來，擔當起新的角色，”他說道，“你要關注的不光是學業(yè)，而且還有你的婚姻?！?/p>

哈佛大學大四學生克里斯·杰克遜與布朗大學的大四學生利亞·哥根在7月1日結了婚。在結婚前，杰克遜說他發(fā)現(xiàn)要平衡學業(yè)與哥根的戀愛關系很困難，哥根住在一小時車程外的地方。

“理想化來說，你得在工作日將所有的功課都完成以便我們可以在周末相聚，但情況通常都不是這么理想的?！彼f道。

雖然所有的婚姻在最初的幾年都會很脆弱，但專家說在21歲或更小的年紀結婚的人更容易離婚。

“你的結婚年齡推遲得越久，到接近30歲，你擁有一段成功、穩(wěn)定、忠誠的婚姻的幾率就越大，”羅伯茨說。

凱特和保羅·鮑沃斯在他們就讀南卡羅來納大學大四前就結了婚。上個月，他們慶祝了第一年的結婚紀念日。凱特·鮑沃斯說，她享受婚姻生活中“更細碎的時刻”——例如一起購物，這是他們在談戀愛的時候不會做的事。

保羅·鮑沃斯創(chuàng)建了一個名為“大學結婚族”的博客，他說，就讀大學本科期間結婚并沒有使他錯過任何好事。

雖然鮑沃斯夫婦自信他們會白頭到老，但據全國婚姻項目所做的“2010年婚姻年度報告”顯示，初次結婚的夫婦的平均離婚率或分居率是40%到50%。威爾科克斯說財政問題是導致婚姻不幸和離婚的主導因素，這會給已扛上學生貸款負擔的已婚大學生帶來更多煩惱。

社會專家希望人們上大學、找工作然后再結婚，威爾科克斯說。研究也支持最佳結婚年齡為25歲以上這一觀點，他補充道。

“那個時候你們才可以真正一起構建一種共同的生活，”威爾科克斯說。

利格魯斯補充說，家長和同伴們“都有所疑惑：在你20或者21歲的時候，你根本不可能清楚自己想要的是什么”。