放下怨恨，樂(lè)享人生

Author Unknown

You hear people say this all the time： “I have a right to be upset because of the way Ive been treated. I have a right to be angry， hurt， depressed， sad， and 1）resentful.” Learning to avoid this kind of thinking is one of my secrets for living a life of inner peace， success， and happiness. Anytime youre filled with resentment， youre turning the controls of your emotional life over to others to 2）manipulate.

I became aware of how powerful this lesson was many years ago while sitting in on a meeting of 12 people who were in a recovery group for alcoholism and drug addiction. All 12 of those people were accustomed to blaming others for their weaknesses， using almost any excuse as a rationale for returning to their self-defeating ways. On a poster hanging in the room were these words： “In this group， there are no justified resentments.”

Regardless of what anyone would say to another group member， no matter how confrontational or ugly the accusations， each person was reminded that there are no justified resentments. You may need to consider whom you resent before you make your own choice about whether this is useful for you. Resentments give you an excuse to return to your old ways. This is what got you there in the first place！

Removing resentment and blame from your life means never assigning responsibility to anyone for what youre experiencing. It means that youre willing to say， “I may not understand why I feel this way， why I have this illness， why Ive been victimized， or why I had this accident， but Im willing to say without any guilt or resentment that I own it. I live with， and I am responsible for， having it in my life.” Why do this？ If you take responsibility for having it， then at least you have a chance to also take responsibility for removing it or learning from it.

If youre in some small （perhaps unknown） way responsible for that 3）migraine headache or that depressed feeling， then you can go to work to remove it or discover what its message is for you. If， on the other hand， someone or something else is responsible in your mind， then of course youll have to wait until they change for you to get better. And that is unlikely to occur.

First， you have to get past blame. Then you have to learn to send love to all， rather than anger and resentment. Just as no one can define you， neither do you have the privilege of defining others. When you stop judging and simply become an observer， you will know inner peace. With that sense of inner peace， youll find yourself free of the negative energy of resentment， and youll be able to live a life of 4）contentment. A 5）bonus is that youll find that others are much more attracted to you. A peaceful person attracts peaceful energy.

At the root of virtually all spiritual practice is the notion of forgiveness. Think about every single person who has ever harmed you， cheated you， 6）defrauded you， or said unkind things about you. Your experience of them is nothing more than a thought that you carry around with you. These thoughts of resentment， anger， and hatred represent slow， 7）debilitating energies that will 8）disempower you. If you could release them， you would know more peace.

You practice forgiveness for two reasons： to let others know that you no longer wish to be in a state of hostility with them and to free yourself from the self-defeating energy of resentment. Send love in some form to those you feel have wronged you and notice how much better you feel.

你總是聽(tīng)到人們這么說(shuō)：“別人待我有虧，我就有權(quán)不高興。我有權(quán)生氣、痛苦、沮喪、難過(guò)和怨恨?！睂W(xué)會(huì)避免這種想法，則是我生活得內(nèi)心平和、成功和快樂(lè)的秘訣之一。任何時(shí)候只要你心里充滿了怨恨，你就是把自己的情緒放任給別人操控。

很多年以前，當(dāng)我旁聽(tīng)一個(gè)12人戒酒戒毒康復(fù)小組的會(huì)議時(shí)，便開(kāi)始意識(shí)到這是多么有力的教誨。所有這12人都慣于將自己的弱點(diǎn)歸咎于他人，用盡幾乎一切借口作為回歸自毀之路的根據(jù)。屋里墻上懸掛的一張海報(bào)上寫(xiě)著：“在這個(gè)小組里，任何怨恨都是不合理的?！?/p>

不管哪個(gè)人要對(duì)小組里的其他成員說(shuō)什么，不管其指責(zé)是多么地咄咄逼人或令人厭惡，每個(gè)人都被提醒說(shuō)，任何怨恨都是不合理的。你也許先要細(xì)想你怨恨的到底是誰(shuí)，然后再自己選擇這樣做對(duì)你來(lái)說(shuō)是否有用。怨恨給了你借口去重走老路。這正是當(dāng)初將你引入歧途的根源！

從你的生活里去除怨恨和責(zé)難意味著你將永遠(yuǎn)不再把自己所經(jīng)歷的事情的責(zé)任轉(zhuǎn)嫁于他人。它意味著你愿意說(shuō)：“我也許不明白我為何有這種感受，為何有這種毛病，為何曾經(jīng)受到傷害，或是為何我曾遇到這種事故，但我將愿意毫無(wú)愧疚或怨恨地說(shuō)，這都是我的問(wèn)題。我接受，并為之負(fù)責(zé)，承認(rèn)其為自己生命的一部分。”為什么要這樣做呢？如果你為其負(fù)責(zé)，那么至少你還有機(jī)會(huì)為解決問(wèn)題或是吸取教訓(xùn)也負(fù)上責(zé)任。

如果你肯為偏頭痛或是情緒低落而負(fù)上微?。ɑ虿幻鳎┑呢?zé)任，那么你可以通過(guò)工作來(lái)去除或是發(fā)現(xiàn)它向你傳遞了怎樣的信息。但如果，從另一方面說(shuō)，在你心目中其他某人或某事對(duì)此負(fù)有責(zé)任，那么當(dāng)然了，你將不得不等待，直到外力外事為你而改變來(lái)讓情況好轉(zhuǎn)。而這不大可能會(huì)發(fā)生。

首先，你必須停止責(zé)備。然后，你必須學(xué)著向所有人散發(fā)愛(ài)心，而非怒氣和怨氣。就像沒(méi)有人能夠?yàn)槟愣ㄐ砸粯?，你也沒(méi)有特權(quán)為他人定性。當(dāng)你停止評(píng)判，變成只是單純地觀察時(shí)，你會(huì)了解到內(nèi)心的平和。有了那種內(nèi)心平和的感覺(jué)后，你將發(fā)現(xiàn)自己從怨恨的負(fù)能量中解脫出來(lái)，從而能夠過(guò)上知足常樂(lè)的生活。一個(gè)額外的好處是，你將發(fā)現(xiàn)其他人更加為你所吸引了。一個(gè)平和的人會(huì)吸引平和的能量。

幾乎所有心靈修煉的根基都是寬恕的觀念。想一想每個(gè)曾經(jīng)傷害過(guò)你，愚弄過(guò)你，欺騙過(guò)你或是對(duì)你言語(yǔ)不善的人。你對(duì)其感受不過(guò)是一個(gè)你揮之不去的念頭罷了。這些怨恨、憤怒和憎惡的念頭代表了遲緩而虛弱的能量，將會(huì)剝奪你的力量。如果你能夠?qū)⑵浞畔?，你將?huì)了解更多的平和。

你要為如下兩個(gè)原因而練習(xí)寬恕：讓其他人知道你不再想要處于敵意的狀態(tài)，并且將你自己從怨恨的自毀能量中解脫出來(lái)。以某種方式向那些你認(rèn)為曾經(jīng)錯(cuò)待過(guò)你的人散發(fā)愛(ài)心，并留意一下自己的心情到底有多舒暢吧。

小資

“正能量”（positive energy）本是物理學(xué)名詞，該詞的流行源于英國(guó)心理學(xué)家理查德·懷斯曼的著作《正能量》。在書(shū)中，理查德·懷斯曼將人體比作一個(gè)能量場(chǎng)，通過(guò)激發(fā)個(gè)體的內(nèi)在潛能，產(chǎn)生“正能量”，從而使個(gè)體表現(xiàn)出一個(gè)全新的自我，從而更加自信、充滿活力。當(dāng)下，中國(guó)人為所有積極的、健康的、充滿希望的人和事都貼上了“正能量”的標(biāo)簽。它已經(jīng)上升成為一個(gè)具備象征意義的符號(hào)，與我們的情感深深相系。

“負(fù)能量”（negative energy）是一種能迅速把人的心情拉低，并讓人消沉的東西。只有多一些能令人積極向上的正能量，才能把現(xiàn)實(shí)踩在腳下，而不是扛在肩上。由高群書(shū)導(dǎo)演制作的電影《神探亨特張》使得“負(fù)能量”一詞流行。