考場(chǎng)百相：七種不同的考生

by Elodie

Final exams are rolling around again， causing stress and crushing[粉碎] dreams. Wait， what？ How did this happen？ Wasnt May， like， yesterday？ Its the eleventh hour[最后一刻]， and its time to re-teach yourself a semesters[學(xué)期] worth of material. And we all know that when you walk into that exam room and take a seat， something takes hold[固定下來(lái)]. Something sinister[不祥的]. Something that was lurking[潛伏] in the shadows， waiting for the moment to strike[打]. Its your test-taking persona[角色].

Whether we like it or not， we all shed[擺脫] our identities[身份] and are reduced[使變成] to one of seven personas come exam day：

期末考試又要來(lái)了，讓人壓力劇增，夜不能眠。等一下，你說(shuō)什么？這是怎么發(fā)生的？昨天不還是五月嗎？現(xiàn)在到了最后關(guān)頭，是時(shí)候再自己復(fù)習(xí)下整個(gè)學(xué)期的重要知識(shí)了。我們都知道，一旦走進(jìn)考場(chǎng)坐下，有些東西就已成定局了。某些不祥的東西正潛伏在暗處，等待時(shí)機(jī)給你一擊。這就是你的“應(yīng)考角色”。

不管喜歡與否，我們都會(huì)在考試當(dāng)天卸下各自的身份，還原為以下七種角色中的一種：

1. The Person W ho Knows E verything 無(wú)所不知的人

This person engages in high-powered page-flipping[翻轉(zhuǎn)] like a multiple[多樣的] choice-answering machine. They are， without fail， the first person to turn in their exam. They will then proceed[行進(jìn)] to exit the room in a blaze of glory[榮耀之光]， possibly to the beat of some action movie soundtrack[電影配樂]， with the power and confidence of someone who really， truly studied. They might even do a few backflips[后空翻] just to bring it all home.

這種人就好像一個(gè)專門回答多項(xiàng)選擇題的機(jī)器，以大馬力快速翻頁(yè)。他們是，一定是，第一個(gè)交卷的人。然后他們帶著榮耀之光，或許還伴著某些動(dòng)作片的配樂節(jié)奏，帶著某些死命學(xué)習(xí)的人的力量與自信走出考場(chǎng)。為了更好地享受這種感覺，他們也許還會(huì)做幾個(gè)后空翻呢。

2. The Person W ho Knows Nothing 一無(wú)所知的人

This person will be frantically[狂躁地] going through the exam， looking for a single question they know they can answer. They are nervous and confused and rapidly melting[融化的] into a puddle[水坑] of sweat right there in the middle of the room.

這種人會(huì)狂躁地熬過整場(chǎng)考試，只為尋找一個(gè)他們知道答案的問題。他們緊張不安、困惑不已，很快就在考場(chǎng)中央流下一水坑的汗水。

3. The Person W ho s Sick 生病的人

This person sounds like theyre coughing[咳嗽] up a lung， and its just about the only thing anyone can pay attention to. They will always be seated directly behind you， so that you can just feel the gusto[熱情] of their sneeze[噴嚏] attack and know that youre next.

這類人的咳嗽聲聽起來(lái)就像是要把肺咳出來(lái)一樣，而這正是每個(gè)人惟一能注意到的聲音。他們總是正好坐在你后面，所以你剛好能感覺到他們打噴嚏時(shí)的熱氣，然后你就知道，下一個(gè)感冒的人會(huì)是你自己了。

4. The Cheat er 作弊者

Every class has a handful of[一小部分] them， and they are either very good at it or very bad. There are no so-so cheaters—there are only people who do whatever it takes MacGyver注1 a cheating device out of a No.2 pencil注2 and their own shoes， and people who just stare， rather obviously at their neighbors paper and seem surprised when this isnt allowed.

注1：馬蓋先，美國(guó)槍戰(zhàn)動(dòng)作片《百戰(zhàn)天龍》的男主角，擅長(zhǎng)用普通生活用品作為工具，幫助自己和搭檔擺脫困境。

注2：二號(hào)鉛筆，在美國(guó)的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)考試中，用于填寫答題卡的專用鉛筆，“二號(hào)”指筆芯鉛的硬度。

每個(gè)班都有一小部分作弊的人，他們要么精于此道，要么技術(shù)很差。沒有技術(shù)一般的作弊者——只有用“二號(hào)鉛筆”和自己的鞋子打造出馬蓋先作弊神器的高手，還有只會(huì)明目張膽地盯著鄰座的試卷看、在此舉不被允許的時(shí)候似乎還感到驚訝的菜鳥。

5. The Noise Fact ory 噪音制造廠

This person readjusts[重新調(diào)整]. They sigh. They crack [使破裂] their knuckles[指關(guān)節(jié)]. They tap[輕敲] their fingers on the desk. They flip their paper over. They drop their pencil and somehow it sounds like a nuclear explosion[核爆炸]. They shift their chair a little and it gives an eerie[怪異的]， grating[刺耳的] noise one might liken to[把……比作] the hounds[獵犬] of hell.

這類人總是動(dòng)個(gè)不停。他們唉聲嘆氣，指關(guān)節(jié)掰得噼啪響，用手指輕敲桌面，還把試卷翻來(lái)翻去。他們失手掉下鉛筆，不知怎的，那聲音聽起來(lái)就像是核爆炸一樣。他們動(dòng)一下椅子，由此產(chǎn)生的刺耳的怪聲就像是來(lái)自地獄獵犬的叫聲。

6. The Person W ho Asks a M yst erious Question 問神秘問題的人

This person will raise their hand or approach[接近] the teacher and ask a question—but theyll ask it in a annoyingly[惱人地] whisper[低語(yǔ)]， causing an immediate reaction as heads whip around and everyone tries to hear. Are they getting a hint[暗示]？ Is this a question you should be asking？

這類人會(huì)舉手或者走到老師身邊，問一個(gè)問題——但他們會(huì)以一種惱人的低語(yǔ)提問，周邊的人馬上就有了反應(yīng)。大家會(huì)探頭探腦，試圖聽清楚（他們的對(duì)話）。他們得到暗示了嗎？這個(gè)問題你也應(yīng)該問嗎？

7. The Fallen W arrior 失敗的勇士

This person has already accepted defeat[失敗] and understands the degree to which they are completely hopeless. After looking over the test and enduring[忍受] a moments moral collapse[崩潰] as all their dreams get sucked into[被卷入] a black pit[深坑] of despair[絕望]， while at the same time， undergoing a transformation and becoming a mere shell of[空有軀殼的] the person they once were， they will spend the rest of the hour drawing the picture of puppies.

這類人早已接受失敗，并且明白自己已經(jīng)到了一個(gè)怎樣無(wú)望的境地。他們查看了整份試卷，忍受了片刻的道德崩潰——因?yàn)橐磺袎?mèng)想都被卷入一個(gè)黑暗的絕望深坑里。與此同時(shí)，經(jīng)過了心理轉(zhuǎn)換歷程，他們變成了此前自己的軀殼。然后，他們會(huì)把剩下的時(shí)間用來(lái)畫小狗。