Jokes and Humor

St Peters Question 圣彼德的問題

Three men, a doctor, an accountant and a lawyer are dead and they appear in front of St Peter. St Peter tells them that they have to answer one question in order to get to Heaven. He looks at the doctor and asks, “There was a movie that was made about a ship that sank after hitting an iceberg, what was its name?” The doctor answers, “The Titanic,” and he is sent through. He then looks at the accountant and says, “How many people died in that ship?” Fortunately the accountant had just watched the movie and he answers, “1500!” St Peter sends him through and then finally turns to the lawyer and commands, in a very heavy voice, “Name them!”

有三個人死了，分別是一名醫(yī)生、一名會計和一名律師。他們來到了圣彼德面前。圣彼德對他們說，如果他們想進(jìn)入天堂，就得每人回答一個問題。圣彼德看著醫(yī)生開始發(fā)問，“以前電影院放過一部電影，說的是一艘船撞擊冰山后沉沒，電影的名字是什么？”醫(yī)生回答，“《泰坦尼克號》，”醫(yī)生隨即被允許進(jìn)入天堂。然后圣彼德看著會計說，“船上有多少人遇難？”會計很走運(yùn)，因為他剛看過這部電影，回答道，“1500人遇難！”圣彼德把會計也放進(jìn)天堂了。最后，圣彼德轉(zhuǎn)過身，看著律師，非常嚴(yán)肅地用命令的口吻問道，“把1500人的名字都說出來！”

Secret For a Long Life 長壽的秘密

A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

“I couldnt help noticing how happy you look,” she says. “Whats your secret for a long, happy life?”

“I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise.”

“Wow, thats amazing,” says the woman. “How old are you?”

“Twenty-six.”

一位女士走向坐在門廊的椅子上搖動的小老頭。

“我無意中發(fā)現(xiàn)，你是多么幸福，”那女士說?！澳阈腋６L壽的秘密是什么？”

“我每天抽三包煙，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且從來不曾鍛煉。”

“哦，真神奇，”女士說?！澳愀邏郏俊?/p>

“二十六?！?/p>

Count to One Hundred Before You Speak 數(shù)到一百再說

In class, the teacher, with his back leaning against the stove, said to the students,“Before you speak, you should think and count to at least 50, and for important matters to 100.”

No sooner had the teacher stopped talking than the students began to count. At last all the students shouted together, “1…98, 99, 100. Teacher, your clothes are on fire!”

課堂上，老師背靠火爐站著，對學(xué)生們說：“說話前要三思，起碼數(shù)到50，重要的事情要數(shù)到100。”

老師的話音剛落，學(xué)生立刻從“1”開始數(shù)起來。最后一起喊：“98，99，100！老師，您的衣服著火了!”

Exchange the Tortoise for the Wolf 把烏龜換成狼

Teacher: Some students are becoming arrogant. Do you remember the story about race between the hare and the tortoise? Now, Jim, will you please tell us why the hare was defeated by the tortoise?

Jim: Because the hare fell asleep.

Teacher: Absolutely right! What should we do so that the hare wont fall asleep?

Jim: Exchange the tortoise for the wolf!

老師：有些同學(xué)開始驕傲了，大家還記得龜兔賽跑的故事嗎？吉姆，你說說看，兔子為什么輸給烏龜？

吉姆：因為它睡覺了。

老師：對極了！我們應(yīng)該怎么做才能讓兔子不睡覺呢？

吉姆：把烏龜換成狼！