高考作文習(xí)作點(diǎn)評(píng)

王　薇　包凡一

人們完成工作的方式通常有兩種：獨(dú)立完成與合作完成。兩種方式各有特點(diǎn)。請(qǐng)你以“Working Individually or Working in a Team”為題，按照以下要點(diǎn)寫一篇英語(yǔ)短文；

1. 獨(dú)立完成：自行安排、自己解決問(wèn)題；

2. 合作完成：一起討論、相互學(xué)習(xí)；

3. 我喜歡的方式及理由。

注意：詞數(shù)100~120，文章的題目和開頭已給出(不計(jì)詞數(shù))。

Working Individually or Working in a Team

There are basically two ways to get work done.

學(xué)生習(xí)作與點(diǎn)評(píng)

學(xué)生習(xí)作

Working Individually or Working in a Team

There are basically two ways to get work done1, working individually or working in a team. As to this question of which is preferrable, opinions may vary from person to person. The two ways both have advantages 2respectively. 3Working individually grants you freedom, as you can plan at your own will, and solve problems on your own. However, working in a team enables you to discuss with your teammates so that you can learn from each other.

As far as I am concerned, I would like to work in a team. On the one hand, two heads are better than one4, with many people in a team, it is sure that I will think of more good ideas5; on the other hand, it is likely that I will make some friends.

原文修改稿

Working Individually or Working in a Team

There are basically two ways to get work done—working individually or working in a team. As to this question of which is preferrable, opinions may vary from person to person. The two ways both have advantages. Working individually grants you freedom to plan at your own will and to solve problems on your own. However, working in a team enables you to discuss with your teammates so that you can learn from each other.

As far as I am concerned, I would like to work in a team. On the one hand, two heads are better than one. With many people in a team, it is sure that I will think of more good ideas. On the other hand, it is likely that I will make some friends.

整體點(diǎn)評(píng)

這是一篇很不錯(cuò)的文章，不僅包含了題目要求的所有要點(diǎn)內(nèi)容，而且邏輯清晰有層次。文章的過(guò)渡自然流暢，有效地使用了語(yǔ)句連接詞(組)，如：as to this question、as far as I am concerned等等。作者運(yùn)用了很多高級(jí)詞匯和短語(yǔ)，如：vary、grant、on one's own、enable等；同時(shí)，作者還注意了句式的多樣化，如：用as引導(dǎo)的原因狀語(yǔ)從句“Working individually grants your freedom, as you can plan at your own will and you can solve problems on your own”；介詞結(jié)構(gòu)作狀語(yǔ)“With many people in a team, it is sure that I will think of more good ideas”等等，體現(xiàn)了作者良好的語(yǔ)言功底。如果作者對(duì)細(xì)節(jié)的處理(如標(biāo)點(diǎn)符號(hào)的使用等)再用心一些就更好了。

難點(diǎn)分析

1. 此處逗號(hào)改成破折號(hào)更好一些。因?yàn)楹竺娴摹皐orking individually”和“working in a team” 是對(duì)“There are basically two ways to get work done”的具體說(shuō)明，用破折號(hào)表示進(jìn)一步的解釋說(shuō)明。

2. 此處的respectively與前面的both語(yǔ)意重復(fù)，可刪去respectively或both。

3. 這句話中，and前后并列的成分不清晰，有兩種修改方法：① Working individually grants you freedom, as you can plan at your own will and solve problems on your own. ② Working individually grants you freedom to plan at your own will and to solve problems on your own.

4. 此處的標(biāo)點(diǎn)符號(hào)使用不當(dāng)，逗號(hào)應(yīng)改為句號(hào)。因?yàn)檫@句話表意已經(jīng)完整，“with結(jié)構(gòu)”引導(dǎo)一個(gè)新句子，對(duì)前面內(nèi)容做進(jìn)一步的說(shuō)明。

5. 此處標(biāo)點(diǎn)符號(hào)的使用又出了問(wèn)題，分號(hào)應(yīng)改為句號(hào)。前文“One the one hand...”的意思已經(jīng)表達(dá)完整，后面的句子用“On the other hand...”引導(dǎo)另一個(gè)方面，表達(dá)與前句不同的意義，所以應(yīng)另起一句。

參考范文

Working Individually or Working in a Team

There are basically two ways to get work done. One is to work individually; the other is to work in a team. Both ways have advantages. Working alone allows people to have more freedom in deciding when to start the work and how to do the work. 1In addition, working individually can exercise people's abilities to solve problems on their own.

Working in a team can benefit people too. In a team, people can learn from each other and help each other, 2which will cultivate people's team work spirit as well as communication skills. Also, many difficult problems can be addressed in a better and effective way by group discussions.

Personally, 3I am in support of working in a team. In addition to the above-mentioned reasons, working in a team may lessen the workload because it can be shared by several people.

參考句型

1. In addition: 另外，加之。相當(dāng)于副詞，可替換besides，通常用于對(duì)前文的補(bǔ)充。例：You need money and time; in addition, you need diligence. (你需要金錢和時(shí)間，另外，你還需要努力。)與之意義相近的詞組還有in addition to，意思是“除……之外(還)”。其中to是介詞，后面一般接名詞或動(dòng)名詞(組)，例：In addition to apples you asked for, I bought you some oranges. (除了你要的蘋果，我還給你買了些橘子。)

2. Which引導(dǎo)的非限定性定語(yǔ)從句。值得注意的是，“which”在這里指代的是前面的整個(gè)句子“people can learn from each other and help each other”，這是which在非限定性定語(yǔ)從句中十分常見的一種用法。

3. 表達(dá)“贊成、支持”時(shí)，除了可以使用“agree to”、“support”外，還可以使用詞組“be in support of”。這句話還可以說(shuō)成“I am in favor of working in a team”或者“I prefer to work in a team”。

有用的表達(dá)方式

1.varyv. 變化

She often varies the way she stands.

Colouring, for example, varies according to what the producers are trying to sell. (2004 廣東)

提示：該詞的形容詞是various，表示“不同的，多種多樣的”，可以替代“different”。

Read about the following situations and discuss them in groups. Evaluate them from various points of view and try to make the best decision.

2.on one's own獨(dú)自地，獨(dú)立地

提示：該詞組的同義詞有alone、independently等。

Do you prefer doing things on your own or in a group?

= Do you prefer doing things alone or in a group?

= Do you prefer doing things independently or in a group?

3.enablev. 使能夠

提示：該詞的固定搭配是：enable sb. to do sth.

Tears also enable us to understand our emotions better; sometimes we don't even know we're very sad until we cry. (2005 安徽)

Ms Chaseling said cats were popular in service industries because they enabled a point of conversation. (2005 全國(guó))

4.in addition 另外

提示：該詞組的同義詞有besides、also等。

As a result, new comfort stations have been added, the number of campsites has been increased, and we've made other facility (設(shè)施) improvements. In addition, we'll be providing more educational programs.

Usually considered shy and seldom seen, these lions are becoming more noticeable. In addition, the lions appear to be moving east.

5． exercise v. 練習(xí)，鍛煉

提示：大家熟悉的是exercise作為名詞的用法，但它作為動(dòng)詞使用也非常普遍，一般指“能力，思維等得到鍛煉”，有時(shí)可以與train互換。

It was clear that Flavia had been exercised by this thought. (《朗文當(dāng)代高級(jí)英語(yǔ)辭典》)

6.cultivatev. 培養(yǎng)，養(yǎng)成

Unlike Vitamin C, leadership skills can't be easily swallowed down. They must be carefully cultivated. (2005 廣東)

7.addressv. 解決(問(wèn)題，爭(zhēng)端)

提示：解決問(wèn)題除了用“solve a problem”外，還可以用“address a problem”、“tackle a problem”等。

We did not expect or intend that the project should address issues of this kind. (《朗文當(dāng)代高級(jí)英語(yǔ)辭典》)

You have to continually be proactive to address issues of racism. (《朗文當(dāng)代高級(jí)英語(yǔ)辭典》)

(注：未標(biāo)明出處的例句均選自高中課本)