水餃Ｖｓ牛排：中澳男人大比拼

Belinda Tomlins-Liu has been referring to herself as a Jinan local since February 2004.

芘琳達(dá)，從2004年2月開始到現(xiàn)在，稱自己是一個(gè)濟(jì)南本地人。

作為一個(gè)才20多歲、剛結(jié)婚還沒(méi)多久、住在濟(jì)南的澳大利亞人，我被問(wèn)的頻率最高的問(wèn)題是，“中國(guó)的丈夫和澳大利亞的丈夫有什么不同？”那么，今天我索性一次性地把大家都關(guān)心的這個(gè)問(wèn)題說(shuō)個(gè)明白。

首先，需要說(shuō)清楚，我可沒(méi)有兩個(gè)丈夫。我倒是希望有兩個(gè)。有雙份的生日禮物，雙份的工資，和雙份的愛，恐怕還不是我一個(gè)人的想法。但是，遺憾的是，澳大利亞和中國(guó)現(xiàn)行的法律都不允許這樣的關(guān)系存在。所以，我只能有一個(gè)丈夫了，而且是個(gè)中國(guó)人。所以我只有拿我媽媽的丈夫（沒(méi)錯(cuò)，就是我的老爸）和我姐姐的丈夫做案例來(lái)同我自己的丈夫做比較了。我曾問(wèn)過(guò)我丈夫，我是否可以為了研究這一話題而專門去找個(gè)臨時(shí)的澳大利亞丈夫，但碰了釘子?？磥?lái)，我丈夫?qū)@個(gè)浪漫的話題沒(méi)什么興趣。

那么現(xiàn)在就開始我們的比較吧。第一點(diǎn)不同，公平地說(shuō)，這一點(diǎn)確實(shí)不能把責(zé)任都推到中國(guó)男人的身上。澳大利亞男人大多是在有四五個(gè)孩子的大家庭里被拉扯大的。在他們的童年生活里，他們學(xué)會(huì)了打架、分享和被戲弄。如果他們學(xué)不到這些最基本的人與人之間相處的技巧，恐怕永遠(yuǎn)達(dá)不到5歲兒童應(yīng)該具有的能力。相信我，這絕對(duì)是我的真實(shí)經(jīng)歷！中國(guó)男人正相反，他們從小在只有一個(gè)孩子的家庭長(zhǎng)大，得到的是一大群親戚的溺愛。他們沒(méi)有兄弟姐妹可以打架，分享玩具，也從來(lái)沒(méi)有因?yàn)闈M臉青春痘、肌肉不發(fā)達(dá)和不時(shí)髦而一直被妹妹取笑的煩惱。這樣的結(jié)果就是，中國(guó)男人往往還沒(méi)做好準(zhǔn)備就進(jìn)入了神圣的結(jié)婚殿堂，就像是送一個(gè)只裝備了一支彈弓的士兵去一個(gè)無(wú)人的戰(zhàn)場(chǎng)。相反的，澳大利亞男人全副武裝，他們會(huì)將全世界帶入下一個(gè)冰河世紀(jì)。

另一點(diǎn)不同，要算是在家里做家務(wù)這個(gè)方面了。如今，我作為一個(gè)在7個(gè)孩子的大家庭里長(zhǎng)大的女人，感到很可笑的是，一個(gè)男人，永遠(yuǎn)都希望他的妻子獨(dú)立撫養(yǎng)孩子，有一份工作，把家里打掃得干干凈凈防止第三世界流行病毒的爆發(fā)。我的意思是，我們當(dāng)然可以做得很好，可就連瑪莎·斯圖爾特還進(jìn)監(jiān)獄呢！所以，如果一個(gè)澳大利亞妻子叫她的丈夫幫忙做家務(wù)，5分鐘的工夫，她的丈夫就能用吸塵器清潔完整個(gè)房間，洗完兩個(gè)人的車，打掃完浴室，再加上修整完草坪。任何懶惰的行為都會(huì)被他們的擔(dān)憂所戰(zhàn)勝。擔(dān)憂的來(lái)源一個(gè)是岳母的到訪，另一個(gè)就是離婚訴狀。在澳大利亞，這是對(duì)付不順從的丈夫最管用的兩個(gè)方式。再說(shuō)說(shuō)中國(guó)男人吧，讓一個(gè)中國(guó)男人去做家務(wù)簡(jiǎn)直就像是讓一頭母牛沿著中國(guó)的萬(wàn)里長(zhǎng)城倒著走一趟。任你用什么樣的戰(zhàn)略去對(duì)付他，結(jié)果總會(huì)失?。ǔ悄愫苄疫\(yùn)地嫁了一個(gè)上海男人）。在過(guò)去的3年里，我試過(guò)懇求、乞求、哭鬧、輕聲耳語(yǔ)、軟磨硬泡、威脅、勸說(shuō)、賄賂、甚至勒索，可能形容得有失準(zhǔn)確，反正他是一點(diǎn)也沒(méi)聽進(jìn)去。我就連最古老的借口——“我打算讓我媽媽過(guò)來(lái)，跟她聊一會(huì)”也不管用，因?yàn)樗^(guò)來(lái)要坐8個(gè)小時(shí)的飛機(jī)。

在陪老婆購(gòu)物這方面，澳大利亞男人和中國(guó)男人也存在著不同之處。讓一個(gè)澳大利亞丈夫陪你逛街，除非去看電子產(chǎn)品和汽車，不然就會(huì)看到他借機(jī)會(huì)溜走。澳大利亞男人寧愿因開車超速被一個(gè)18歲的女警官逮住，也不愿在女士?jī)?nèi)衣百貨店生悶氣，或者幫你挑一條好看的牛仔褲。然而，中國(guó)男人就不同了，他們不僅會(huì)陪你逛街，還會(huì)幫你拎包，替你買單，甚至還會(huì)在你待在試衣間的時(shí)候幫你調(diào)換稍小一號(hào)的蕾絲內(nèi)衣。

我想說(shuō)的最后一點(diǎn)不同，就是兩國(guó)的丈夫們對(duì)待“男人們的夜生活”的態(tài)度了。在澳大利亞，如果一個(gè)男人想與他的同性朋友們一起出去看球賽或者喝啤酒，他很有可能會(huì)帶上他的另一半一起去。眾所周知，澳大利亞的女人們?cè)诤染粕峡偸潜饶腥松詣僖换I，甚至觀看球賽電視轉(zhuǎn)播的時(shí)候比她們的丈夫們還要激動(dòng)和興奮。所以，讓老婆們留在家里，就等于是讓她們?cè)诩抑虚_派對(duì)，這可不是一個(gè)明智的選擇。在中國(guó)，男人們的夜生活不是很少見，甚至是天天都有。他們不管是出去打麻將，打撲克牌，還是去KTV，中國(guó)的老婆們不可避免地都會(huì)在凌晨?jī)牲c(diǎn)被喝得醉醺醺回家的丈夫們吵醒。這也許就是為什么一到晚上7點(diǎn)半，中國(guó)的健身房都會(huì)有很多年輕漂亮的妻子們?cè)谧鲨ょ?，按說(shuō)這個(gè)時(shí)間她們應(yīng)該在享受二人世界啊。

我希望以上這些簡(jiǎn)單的比較可以解答你們的所有的疑問(wèn)。無(wú)論你喜歡什么類型的男人，一定要選一個(gè)愛你的男人。因?yàn)樽罱K不管你嫁給鱷魚鄧迪還是成龍都不重要，重要的是只要你開心就好。

As a twenty-something Australian newly-wed living in Jinan the question I get asked most often is inevitably, that are the differences between Chinese husbands and Australian husbands?” So, today Im going to, once and for all, answer the question that seems to be on everybodys lips.

Firstly, I want to make it clear that I do not have two husbands.I would like to have two husbands, for who wouldnt want double the birthday gifts, double the pay checks, and double the love.But, unfortunately, current law in both Australia and China prohibits this kind of relationship.I only have one husband and he is Chinese, so Im going to have to take my mothers husband (yes that would be my dad) and my sisters husbands as examples for the comparison.I did ask my husband if I could have an Australian husband for a short period of time for research purposes, but it seems that my husbands interest in the science of romance is rather narrow.

Lets begin our analysis with a look at the first difference which, to be fair, is one that we cant really blame on the men themselves.Australian men are usually raised, or more realistically dragged up in a big rowdy family of four to five kids.Throughout their childhood, theyve learnt to fight, share, and cop a bit of teasing.If they fail to learn these basic interpersonal skills, they probably wont make it past their fifth birthdays. Trust me, Im writing from personal experience here!Chinese men, on the other hand, are inevitably raised in only-child families by an army of doting relatives. They have no siblings to fight or share toys with and no annoying little sisters to tease them incessantly about their face full of acne, miniscule muscles, or out-dated fashion sense.The result of this is that Chinese men inevitably enter the sacred bond of marriage hideously ill-equipped.In fact, it is like sending a soldier armed with only a sling-shot into no-mans land.Australian men, conversely speaking, are armed with enough weaponry to blow the entire world into the next ice-age.

The next difference I can see is how the men react to requests for help around the house.Now, as a woman who has been raised in a household of seven children I find it laughable that a man would ever expect their wife to single-handedly raise the children, hold down a job, and keep the house at a level of cleanliness that avoids the outbreak of third-world epidemics.I mean, we are good, but even Martha Stewart ended up in prison! So, if an Australian wife asks her husband to help out around the house within five minutes flat he has vacuumed the entire house, washed both cars, cleaned the bathroom, and mowed the lawn.Any innate laziness is always overcome by pure fear which usually comes in the form of a visit from his mother-in-law or a petition for divorce which are the two most favoured ways of dealing with recalcitrant hubbies down under.Asking a Chinese man to do housework is like trying to get a cow to walk backwards along the Great Wall of China.You can try any strategy you like, but all are doomed to failure (Unless youve been lucky enough to snag a husband from Shanghai).Over the past three years I have pleaded, begged, cried, whispered softly and seductively into his ear, threatened, reasoned,bribed, and blackmailed not exactly in that order but they have achieved nothing.I cant even use the old, “Im inviting my mother around for a little chat”card as she is an eight-hour flight away.

Shopping is another area where Australian and Chinese men differ to bizarre degrees.To require an Australian husband to take you shopping for anything other than power tools, or new cars is to see him flee for cover.An Australian man would rather be caught speeding by an eighteen-year-old female police officer than forced to sulk around the lingerie department or help you choose the most flattering pair of jeans.Chinese husbands, however, will not only personally escort you shopping, but will hold your bags, pay for the purchases and exchange the lacy bra for a smaller size while youre waiting in the dressing-room.

The final difference I have to mention is the mens differing attitudes towards the “boys night out?In Australia, if a husband wants to spend some alone time with his male friends watching sport or drinking beer, its safe to say that hesl probably bring his better half along anyway.It is a well-known fact that Australian women are usually better at drinking and more rowdy at televised sporting events than their male counterparts. So, to leave them at home is to leave the life of the party at home not a smart move.In China, however, boys?nights out are not a rare event, but a nightly occurrence.Whether their poison is mahjong, cards, or karaoke, wives around China are inevitably woken at two in morning by the return of their baiju-soaked husbands.This probably explains the fact that the gyms around China are filled with young beautiful wives doing yoga at 7:30pm when they should probably be out enjoying married life.

I hope this brief comparison has answered all of your questions.Whatever your taste in men is, just remember to find one that loves you, for in the end it doesnt really matter whether you marry Crocodile Dundee or Jacky Chan just as long as you are happy.