書面表達練與析

亞　玲

目前，城里人喜歡到農(nóng)村過周末，而農(nóng)村人喜歡到城里過周末，閱讀下表內(nèi)容寫一篇短文介紹生活中的這一變化，并說明自己的感受。

字數(shù)：120左右。

學生習作：

Now, the city people and country people in our country spend their weekends in a different way.

After a week of hard work, the city people would like to drive their cars to ∧ ①country. They perform all kinds of activities such as fishing, traveling and hiking. In there② they can breathe fresh air and enjoy beautiful scenery so that they can relax them③ and keep fit.

At the same time, the country people like to take buses to cities. They go shopping, see films or enjoy concerts∧ ④ improve their life quality and experience modern culture.

In my opinion, the different ways of spend⑤ the weekends of the city people and country people show that peoples living level has been great⑥ raised and their living style has also changed as a result of the development of our modern industry and agriculture.

修改說明：

①country表示“農(nóng)村”時前面應(yīng)加定冠詞the。②there為副詞，前面不必用介詞修飾，因此In there應(yīng)改為There。③此處賓語與主語指相同的人，因此應(yīng)用反身代詞的形式，them應(yīng)改為themselves。④此處做目的狀語，應(yīng)由不定式擔任，因此concerts后面應(yīng)加to。⑤of為介詞，后面應(yīng)接動名詞，因此spend應(yīng)改為spending。⑥r(nóng)aised為過去分詞，應(yīng)用副詞修飾，所以great應(yīng)改為greatly。

點評：本篇書面表達習作為比較式說明文。習作者根據(jù)寫作要求從周末活動、出行方式、活動目的、原因分析等幾個角度表達文意，文章層次清晰，脈絡(luò)分明。Now, At the same time, In my opinion等過渡性詞匯的使用使文章敘述更合理，思路更連貫、邏輯更嚴密。such as列舉句型、so that目的狀語從句、that賓語從句、and并列句等高級表達方式的運用增強了文章的表達效果，提高了文章的表達檔次。所有這些成為本文一個個驕人之處。然而本文也存在一些不足之處，出現(xiàn)了一些語言表達方面的錯誤，如冠詞錯誤、介詞錯誤、代詞錯誤、非謂語動詞錯誤、形容詞、副詞混用錯誤，表明習作者語言表達能力還不夠完美，有待于今后進一步提高。然而，從總體上講本文有不少可取之處，值得讀者借鑒。

參考答案：

Now, the city people and country people in our country spend their weekends in a different way.

After a week of hard work, the city peo-ple would like to drive their cars to the coun-try. They perform all kinds of activities such as fishing, traveling and hiking. There they can breathe fresh air and enjoy beautiful scenery so that they can relax themselves and keep fit.

At the same time, the country people like to take buses to cities. They go shopping, see films or enjoy concerts to improve their life quality and experience modern culture.

In my opinion, the different ways of spending the weekends of the city people and country people show that peoples living level has been greatly raised and their living style has also changed as a result of the development of our modern industry and agriculture.